Tears Under My Pillow
by aquaxeyes
Summary: Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided..
1. part one

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** In the Japanese culture, you add suffixes to a person's name that recognizes said person as a highly respected person (-sama), your elder/someone of a higher level (-san) or a friend (-chan). Other suffixes exist, but -san and -chan will be used most frequently to show how Mamoru and Usagi's relationship has dwindled over the year.

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**Part One. Good Night.**

* * *

Usagi tried not to stiffen when Mamoru turned the light on. _'Inconsiderate bastard!' _she screamed in her mind. _'The least you could do is pretend like you_ weren't _out cheating on me..'_ The rest of her thoughts were a colorful array of insults bitterly directed at her husband. Chiba Mamoru, chief neurosurgeon at the Tokyo International Hospital, light of hope for little children with brain or spinal cord tumors, generous benefactor for charities, altruistic friend.. _'Unfaithful, double-crossing snake of a husband.'_

She heard him stumble over his own shoe to get to their closet and bit down on her tongue. _'Calm down, Usagi. If you lash out now, he'll know that you're awake. He'll know that you know.' _And that was the only reason she was able to contain herself. Mamoru had been out, she knew he had been out, but she didn't know if he knew that she knew he was out, and she wanted to make sure it stayed that way. Why? She had no idea. All she knew was that if Mamoru found out she was on to him, her life would be nothing but shattered glass.

Taking deep, calming breaths, she kept her eyes closed and listened. A zip and the rustling of clothes indicated that he was taking off his pants, but when they dropped she heard the distinct thud of metal hitting the carpet. She gritted her teeth as her skin burned. _'He didn't even buckle his belt back in his pants! Asshole!' _The pent up rage was starting boil from within her. Any second now she felt like she was going to erupt.

_'Usagi, calm down. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven--'_

She stopped mentally counting when she felt it. A warm feeling inside that had nothing to do with anger and everything to do with her raven-haired husband. _'He's staring at me..' _A slight sense of panic settled in. Instinctively she slid her leg and rolled to one side, pretending to have tossed in her sleep. With her back to him there was no way he could tell if she was awake or not. At least that was her logic. But after a full twenty seconds of silence and stillness she began to wonder if he left.

The sudden click and the darkness against the one behind her eyelids made her jump, until she realized it was Mamoru turning off the lights. He went back to changing clothes in the dark. Usagi almost bit her lip. _'Why did he do that? Does he know? Oh God, I--'_

Her thoughts were cut short when she felt him slip into bed next to her. The warm feeling she had returned, spreading all the way to her toes when he aligned himself against her back and placed a protective arm and leg under and between hers. Silently she cursed how he made her feel. How she could love him, want him, even when he didn't. How he could stroke her stomach and bury his head in her hair and not feel the way she did.

But it was when he leaned in closer that she smelled him. _'You fucking bastard! I can smell her all over you!' _A light hint of perfume, some nag champa incense, and that something _else_. Tears seared her closed lids, but she made no move to wipe them lest she give her state of consciousness away. She didn't even know who the "her" was, all she cared to know was that it definitely wasn't her. Her heart lurched at the thought. _'How could he be so cruel? What did I do? Where the hell did I go wrong?'_

His hand drifted to her hair, sweeping it out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. Suddenly, he said, "Usako, are you all right?"

She didn't want to respond, but she knew better than to push her luck. "Of course, Mamoru-san. Why wouldn't I be?"

His hand froze in her hair, but it jerked back to life an instant later. "Your skin is warmer than usual and your tear ducts are a little hyperactive."

_'Hyperactive tear ducts? Yeah. Sure.' _She did something akin to her usual snort of nonchalance and answered, "It must be allergies." _'To your whore's perfume.'_

The anger only intensified when she noticed he was acting like he cared. _'I don't want your fucking sympathy, dear.' _Only it came out like, "Don't worry. I'll be fine. Go to sleep." _'While I try to find rest from what you've done, the second time this week..'_

She wished she didn't sound so bitter, but since the charity fundraiser they attended six months ago she hadn't been able to think of anything but her husband's infidelity. They had been married for four years, Mamoru had just been promoted to chief neurosurgeon and Usagi's new restaurant turned around and started making some profit. They had a lot to celebrate that night, and being around mutual friends and Mamoru's colleagues in a dinner event for a good cause made perfect sense. And then..

Usagi could still see it like it was yesterday, a movie reel in her head. Mamoru brushing his best friend's wife's thigh with the pads of his fingertips when he thought no one saw. The look of muted desire toward the violinist played a moving performance that night. The blank pair of midnight blue eyes he gave her until someone was looking.

It dawned on her then. Motoki's wife Reika and the musician known as Kaiou Michiru were Mamoru's first notches on his proverbial belt. She knew it had to be true, as horrible as it was. She had no proof and yet, it made sense. Mamoru was never home, and not even he was _that_ dedicated to work. The worst was when she spotted him later dancing with the musician like they were familiar lovers. It absolutely crushed her.

She had felt so much anger and, in a strange way, desparation to hold on her husband that when they got home, she became aggressive and made love to him with more passion than on their wedding night. It eased the ache within her and she told herself that it was okay, that it was just Reika and Michiru she'd have to compete with.

That is, until she took the next day off to surprise him at work and stopped right outside his office to the sound of hushed voices.

"Mamo-chan," a female voice that didn't belong to Reika _or _Michiru whispered, "I have to check on a patient soon."

"Come on," the deep, rich voice answered, "One more time. Please. You know I'll make it worth your while."

Usagi's heart had stopped in that moment. She didn't know what to do. His colleagues and a few nurses she'd befriended had already seen her come in, and she didn't want them to see her run right back out. She was frozen, listening to the soft giggles and thick moans that followed. Her world was crashing behind a closed door, right in front of her. But she couldn't force herself to open it. Instead, she flipped her cell phone open and faked a conversation all the way out of the hospital until she reached her car, where the pain was easier to settle.

Since that day Usagi stopped calling her husband "Mamo-chan" and was replaced quite abruptly with "Mamoru-san". Even--especially--in public. Their friends noticed almost immediately, including Motoki. He joked, "I guess it's the more respectful way to call your significant other. Maybe I should get Reika to do that."

Usagi blinked furiously and watched her memories fade into the alarm clock on her nightstand. Three-seventeen in the morning. The typical time these past months he'd returned to their bed. She wished he would just go, say, "Usagi, I'm sorry but it's over. I can't love you like you want me to." Just pack up and leave--or, since this was his house, kick her out. Of course, he didn't. He didn't force her to leave and he didn't come clean.

Instead, he continued to stroke her hair and finally did what she told him to do and fell asleep. She waited in the dark, thinking, _'Someday, Mamoru-san, I will be strong enough to leave you.'_

* * *

He didn't care what she would think as he crossed the hallway and walked into their room. _'Tonight's the night,' _he figured. _'She'll wake up and find me, fully dressed, and leave me after she's castrated me. Go ahead, Usako, I'm ready.' _As if to prove his point, he brought a hand to the light switch and turned it on. He waited and nothing. She was asleep. The light seemed to have no affect on her. 

He scowled. Why didn't she roll over, open her eyes and see what he'd done? How could she lay there, asleep, and let him take his spot in their bed? _'She knows. She must know,' _he steamed to himself, _'but why won't she say anything?'_

Truly, it was only a hunch that his wife suspected anything about his personal _affairs_. She put in a lot of hours taking care of business at her restaurant, the only thing of hers he hadn't bought for her. She took so much pride in the place that it almost hurt him to think that providing for her wasn't good enough. It was like she wanted to show him she didn't need him, especially when she made it a point to dedicate ten hours of the day to working in her office.

He didn't have a beaming wife waiting for him when he got home from a stressful day of work, no one who understood his small needs without him having to ask. No longer would she be there to rub his feet, give him an encouraging smile and ask, "So how many lives did we save today, Mamo-chan?"

It wasn't obnoxious of her to say "we" when she talked about his work. Back then, they had been a team. If it weren't for her he would've dropped out in the middle of his residency at the hospital. He was drowning in all the work and stress, but Usagi came along and motivated him, drove him to stick to it. That's how he knew he had to marry her. She believed in him a hundred times more than he believed in himself, and he loved her, he really did. Then he became chief neurosurgeon.

At the same time Usagi's father died and left her a hefty trust fund to do whatever she wanted with it. So she bought a cozy place downtown and turned it into a restaurant called The Black Rose. He was sincerely happy for her, but he needed her, too. This time, however, she couldn't understand that he was starting to feel like a failure without her. She made time to attend his dinner functions and played the whole doctor's-wife part well, but she should have known that he didn't need her superficial support.

Was it any wonder that the day he came home to an empty house after an eight-year-old patient died on his operating table that he found comfort in his best friend's wife's arms? Reika actually picked up when he called and drove over to talk. Just talk. Of course it turned into more, and he regretted ever betraying his wife.

He spent two months worrying if she would find out, if his face would say it all. That never happened. She didn't have a clue. She was more concerned with work than with anything he had to say.. or hide. In a twisted way he was hurt. She used to know what he felt and needed before he did. So he came to the conclusion that in order to save his sanity he could not go to Usagi anymore. _'And now I'm the bad guy who's supposed to sneak out until she finally catches me and all hell breaks loose.'_

Mamoru grunted and walked over to his closet, kicking a shoe that got in his way. _'Wake up.' _Nothing happened. He undid his pants and let them fall to the ground. _'Wake up!' _He looked over his shoulder.

Usagi was sleeping like a baby, one arm stretched over her head, laying on her back. Her soft blonde tendrils spilled forth like a blanket tucking her cherub-like face in. And even though she had gained fifteen pounds within the last half year, he still craved for her like a thirsty man craved a cup of water. As if she had read his thoughts, she shifted and turned onto her side, hiding her face from view.

He cursed that even after a night with Michiru he still only wanted the blonde woman in his blue boxer shorts and white t-shirt. His Usako. His wife. He felt cheaper than dirt, being with three other women when he had someone who promised her life to him. But that's just it. She'd changed from a loving person he couldn't get enough of to an insensitive stranger.

It didn't matter. She didn't deserve this. If only she could see what was happening, what he was doing, so that she could end it for the both of them. God knows he didn't want to let her go. With those scary thoughts, he strode over to the light switch and turned it off. In the dark, he stripped the rest of his clothes off, slipped into a pair of green boxers and slowly climbed into bed.

He bit his lip as he tangled his body into hers. Her curves were soft, the familiar, sweet scent of her shampoo invading his nostrils as her hair caressed his face. She tensed for a fraction of a second, and her neck suddenly felt warm under his chin. He moved to feel her forehead when something wet touched his hand. _'What the--' _"Usako, are you all right?"

She didn't say anything for a moment, and he thought that maybe she was too deep in sleep to answer. A muffled voice finally said, "Of course, Mamoru-san. Why shouldn't I be?"

_'Mamoru-san.. Mamoru-san.. Whatever happened to Mamo-chan?' _He almost balled his hand into a fist when he realized he stopped moving.. period. He continued to stroke her hair by sheer will. "Your skin is warmer than usual and your tear ducts are a little hyperactive."

She snorted like she did when something he said sounded like an exaggeration. "It must be allergies."

_'Good, then you won't be able to smell Michiru's perfume.' _Mamoru hated having to think like that, but he was a little relieved by his wife's reponse. He was about to offer to get her some anti-histamine pills when she added, "Don't worry. I'll be fine. Go to sleep." It was so mechanically said, like she was irritated that he was concerned. He almost thought she was being snappy with him.

_'Baka, she was sleeping and you woke her up for nothing. You're reading too much into things.' _He shook his head. No, where Usagi was concerned, he could never be too concerned. If anything happened to her he would go insane. _'You hate me, and I may hate you,'_ he thought as he stroked her hair and started to fall asleep, _'but you're mine, Usako. I won't let you go.'_

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**End Part One.**

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( Dare I say this one's a keeper? Leave reviews and we shall see.. ) 


	2. part two

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank:** rosebudjamie, karenwalker, tokyohawkgirl, Shurudra, mooka, starangel07, themonkeychow, serenitylovers, jean, Lady Serpentina, hit60, Lucie, serenity11287, diamondstar1808, MR, alsdj, LauraDrazen, Princess-Anime, anokas2757, anon, Eve C, mystlady, couturedawl, Moonlight Usagi-chan, JJBrowneyes, Kana07, skye668, the smiley face, Signature, thundergirl88, Grand Phoenix, MoonPrincess568 and MayPenguin. I tried to respond to each of your individual reviews since I received a lot of insightful and funny ones, but if you didn't get one, please know your support really makes a difference. Love!

**Author's Notes:** So I'm a big fan of slow torture. And I know a lot of you are hoping this chapter will be the one where Usagi packs up and leaves Mamoru in the hopes that he'll come a-running back to her. Unfortunately, it's not--don't attack me, please. When you're in love, it doesn't matter how horrible the person you love treats you, you'd do whatever he/she asked in a heartbeat. Common sense has nothing to do with it. So there will be a lot of fighting, a lot of anguish, and a lot of realism to what's going to happen, as it does in real life.

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**Part Two. Good Morning.**

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The first thing that came to Usagi's mind the next morning was a headache. Wincing, she moved to bring a hand to her forehead when she realized she couldn't move her arm. Further investigation proved she couldn't move any of her limbs though she was laying flat on her back. Shifting slightly, she looked through bleary eyes at the thing that kept her body immobile. Mamoru. 

Half of his body was draped over hers. He slept with a smile on his face, like he was content with wherever he was at that moment. She almost envied that smile, since he looked like he was having a good time. _'Must be dreaming about his whore..s.'_

Part of her wanted to recoil at that thought. Since when had she become this vulgar? _'Since the day you realized you were caught in some morbid love pentagon, that's when!' _And even though her thoughts were yelling at her to be angry, she couldn't shield herself from the hurt right then, not when she was in her husbands arms, laying this close to him. It was a dream and a nightmare to feel such paradoxical feelings toward her husband. Unfathomable love and hate. Desire and repulsion. Safety and utter betrayal. _'My heaven, my hell.'_

The headache seemed to get worse as she stared on, tracing every dip and angle of Mamoru's handsome face. A face she memorized even when she closed her eyes. It made her wonder how close he leaned over to take in another woman's face as he made love to her. _'Does he press his chest against hers? Let her scratch at his back like an untamed animal? Look at her like she's the only woman he ever thinks of?'_

Usagi almost physically choked over the last question. It was just too much. Her heart was asking too many questions she knew would destroy it given the answers. But why should she stop herself from asking when Mamoru could finally admit to everything she suspected and more? _'Because I can't bear the thought of him saying he's enjoyed being with other women. That he'd give me a reason to leave him--I'd have no choice but to leave.' _That was probably the scariest bit.

Somewhere between hating Mamoru and being afraid of losing him, the man in question had woken up and was staring back at her. She only realized this when she saw raw emotion swirling in his midnight blue eyes. It literally took her breath away. Worse, it made her want to _react_.

His hand skimmed down her trapped arm, encasing her hand. Slowly, almost seductively, he dragged it above her shoulder, above her head, and pinned it there. Her heart hammered in her rib cage, her body screaming in anticipation as he leaned in. His tongue flickered as he ran it quickly over his lips to moisten them and then--

She turned her head away, saying, "It's time to get up, Mamoru-san."

* * *

Sunlight poured into the kitchen, turning Mamoru's loose hair an almost unnatural jet black. It fell in every which way about his face, and Usagi noticed the scruff along his jaw. He hadn't shaved yet, which was something he would usually do before breakfast. He stopped by the corner of the counter, watching her pour the last of the coffee into a cup she clearly claimed as hers with a hot gaze. She angled her head away from her husband's eyes when she realized she was glaring. _'Can't help it. The man lusts more for a cup of coffee than me..'_ His actions earlier that morning would have argued otherwise, but lusting after her and not just any woman was what Mamoru fell short of. 

She nodded at the plate of scrambled eggs, buttered toast, sliced oranges and apples in front of him. Then she swept around the counter, handing him the cup as she intended to walk on by. He, however, caught her wrist and turned her gently. "You sure?" he asked, looking surprised that she gave coffee up that easily since, once upon a time, they would tease each other and fight over the last cup. _'Cut the bull, dear. Playtime's over.' _She gave him what she hoped was an innocent smile and said, "You need it more than I do." Then she extracted herself from his grasp and left the kitchen.

Usagi took a deep breath as she reached the stairs. _'Did I just do that?'_ She placed a hand over the thundering pulse in her neck. She wasn't sure she was ready to have sent that red flag. Six months had passed since she found out he was cheating on her, true enough, but she still didn't think she could handle what would happen when Mamoru realized she was aware of the fact.

She shook her head. _'I've been giving subtle hints for months. If he didn't get it then he sure hasn't gotten it now..' _With that, she bounded up the steps to take a shower.

* * *

"Hey, Usagi!" 

Usagi didn't look up, knowing that voice all too well. It belonged to Hino Rei, her best--and only--friend of ten years. They literally ran into each other on their way to middle school the first day of. Granted, they weren't heading toward the same middle school, but from the age of fourteen the two had almost never gone a day without seeing each other. "Hold on, Rei-chan," she said as she counted the last cash register down.

Surprisingly, her typically hot-tempered, impatient friend waited until Usagi closed the cash register drawer and folded the extra bills into a bank deposit envelope. Finally, she looked up. Rei stood there, in all her glory, more radiant than a light bulb. Her violet dress wrapped perfectly around her figure and matched her equally violet eyes to a tee, her onyx hair fell down to her waist like a waterfall, making her skin look fairer than Snow White's. At the moment she wore an expression of concern, even though her arms were crossed in a super-model pose. Usagi snorted. "Here to give my ego a boost?"

Rei dismissed her question with a flick of her wrist. "Now, now, is that anyway to treat someone who's brought you some lunch?"

Usagi took one more look at her friend, who didn't seem to have a bag bigger than the Coach clutch tucked in the crook of her elbow. "Where is it?"

Before Rei could answer, a young man with shaggy brown hair popped his head out from the door separating the kitchen from the restaurant and said, "Rei-san, where would you like me to set your order?"

Usagi's eyes bugged out of her head as Rei turned sheepish. She spun and turned to her employee. "Yuuichirou-san! What are you doing?"

The man's face turned redder than Rei's. "Ahh, Chiba-san.. Umm.."

"What Yuuichirou-san is trying to say," Rei snapped, "is that I ordered lunch and was just going to have it brought to your office where we could talk."

Had it been any other day, Usagi would have burst into laughter, eyeing her friend with a reprimanding albeit playful glare, and pretended to hassle Yuuichirou for falling for Rei's charms yet again. But Mamoru was first and foremost in her thoughts today. Of where he was last night. So as it was, she merely shook her head without so much as a hint of a smile.

Rei bit her lip, as her concern deepened. "Usagi," she said and gently laid a hand on her arm, "Are you all right?"

Pain filled Usagi until her eyes were brimming with tears. It was so hard to stay strong. Around everyone else, she had to put up a confident front, but not with Rei. Rei was with her from the begininng, when things first started to fall apart between her and Mamoru.

When Usagi received a letter from her estranged father's attorney stating that he'd died a few days prior and mentioned her in his will, well.. she wasn't prepared. She wasn't expecting to feel that great a loss, and yet she did. She tried to call Mamoru, but he was at a lunch meeting with some colleagues about his promotion. So she called Rei.

She didn't want to drag her best friend into a family problem, but Rei took care of her like she always did whenever Usagi got herself into trouble. She made her a cup of green tea, sat her down, let her cry for a good ten minutes, then listened.

What she would've given to have Mamoru treat her the same way, but he was indifferent to the matter. Which was why she used her father's money to start a business, so she could find a way to make a life of her own that didn't include Mamoru at all. Of course, Rei was the only one who supported her. She was also the only one who knew about Mamoru's infidelity.

But Rei didn't know about last night. Usagi's throat had constricted to the point of snapping from her silent sobs. With a shaky breath she hoped would give her a steady voice, she asked, "Would you believe me if I said no?" Rei shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Chiba-san," Yuuichirou burst out of nowhere. "I didn't think you would be _too_ upset--"

Rei cut him a glare that made him stop short of what he was saying. Usagi gave him a weak smile. "I'm not upset with you, Yuuichirou-san. I just have a little bit of a headache."

"Let's get you into your office for a break, then," Rei said, taking the blonde's arm and guiding her toward the back. She took the to-go bag from Yuuichirou's hands as they walked and mumbled a small "thank you" that floored the shaggy-haired man.

Usagi wanted to laugh but all the humor had been sucked out of her. She felt like she was having a heart attack, the pain was so crippling. The hallway finally ended at her office, and once they stepped inside she took another deep breath. The room was comforting, with a few personal things from home that made her feel at ease. This place harbored her through a lot of tough times.

Rei closed the door, then set the to-go bag on her desk. Wordlessly, she pulled a cup of hot water out of the bag and dropped a fresh tea bag into it and turned to give it to her friend.

Usagi took one look at the green tea and the friend who carried the weight of both their troubles on her shoulders and instantly the tears came. She tried to blink them back, but the more she did, the more they fell. "Oh dear," she said, not recognizing her own voice anymore, "I haven't even sat down yet and I'm already crying." She wanted to joke about how she'd ruin the pattern of being comforted but she could no longer form words. She made a strangled sound and brought her hands to her face.

She felt both horrible and embarrassed that Rei had to see her like this. It was becoming a normal thing, like ripping stitches from a deep cut that's trying to heal while someone was standing there, watching.

A hand rested on her shoulder. It was such a small gesture but for some reason Usagi left the shelter of her hands and looked at Rei. Her expression was serious. "He came home late again?"

Usagi nodded and sighed. "Oh, Rei-chan, this is unreal. Even soap operas don't mix more than three women with one man, right?"

Rei smiled bitterly as she sat them both down on Usagi's cream suede couch. "Typically, no."

Usagi wiped at her eyes and finally took the cup offered from her friend. "I feel like screaming all the time. I'm always this close to slapping him--I feel like slapping myself. I just want to run back home, pack up my bags and leave him. I want to do something, _anything_ that can make this stop. But I can't."

Rei nodded slightly. Softly, she asked, "Why not?"

"I don't know," Usagi flailed. "Because it would ruin his reputation, probably mine, too. Because I'd have nowhere to go. Because I still love that fucking baka even though being with him is killing me inside!"

"Usagi, don't you know that you're letting Mamoru-san do this to the both of you? That the longer you put this off the longer you're going to suffer?"

Usagi stopped sniffing for a moment, staring at Rei in astonishment. Rei never said things like that when she talked Usagi through these days in the past. In fact, she never, ever asked why Usagi couldn't do anything about the situation. "Why are you asking these questions all of a sudden, Rei-chan? What's changed?"

"Nothing, really," Rei said honestly, "I'm just sick of sitting here, watching you be so sad, when I can do something about it. Don't you remember what it was like to be happy anymore?"

Usagi shut her gaping mouth, then shook her head. "No, I guess not."

"Then please, listen to me," Rei said. She took Usagi's hand in hers. "You believe in karma, right?"

Usagi shrugged. "I suppose."

Rei scowled. "How about common sense?"

Again, the blonde responded with, "I suppose."

This time, Rei ignored her. "Then you should come to terms with the fact that whatever choices Mamoru has made for himself, he'll have to suffer the consequences. If he's made good choices, then he shouldn't have to look out. But if he's made bad choices.."

It took Usagi a moment, but it wasn't to realize that Rei was right. It was to realize she didn't have to play victim. Mamoru had been posing as the perfect husband to their friends and his colleagues and betraying her in the worst way. If he could do it, she was more than able to the same. She could go on playing the perfect wife until she found a way to expose him. "So what are you suggesting, Rei-chan?"

"When do you get out of work?"

"Five."

"I'll pick you up at five, then, and I don't want to hear any complaints about where I'm taking you later."

"But I told Mamoru-san--"

"Usagi," Rei said sternly. "He's not your keeper."

Usagi nodded numbly. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," came the cryptic answer.

"What are we doing?"

"You'll see."

"Rei-chan!"

Rei laughed. "Two can play that game, dear. As I'm sure you'll learn tonight."

* * *

**End Part Two.**

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( Watcha think of my pre-holiday early surprise update? Let me know! And please leave me some tasty reviews that will help me form my game plan. ) 


	3. part three

**Title: **Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank: **Princess-Anime, melis, rosebudjamie, Cloud9WithSugar, karenwalker, evaya, serenity11287, cubbiegirl84, Lady Serpentina, jean, Alex, sousie, tokyohawkgirl, Connie, kissing katexo, Kana07, JJBrowneyes, Champion of Justice, the smiley face (I can't seem to save it so I just wrote it out), kireisnowtenshi, Infinite, Mars May Bite, Signature, blackaces924, svgurl410, diamondstar1808, skye668, thundergirl88, MoonPrincess568 and MayPenguin. I usually respond to reviewers who have an account on FanFiction, but please feel free to leave a request for e-mail notifications about my updates. And thanks for all of your support!

**Author's Notes: **I forgot to mention in the last chapter that Usagi's and Mamoru's thoughts are only written out when they're together. That way you will be able to get the feel of where their emotions lie as they interact with each other.

To address two things.. _**One**_, I'm estimating that the full length of this story will be about ten chapters or so.. Nothing special, because this was sort of an outlet for me because I've been so engrossed with my other stories that I'm having a writer's block on them. Which leads me to _**Two**_, I'm not giving up on my other stories. I'm a quarter of a chapter done with "Boku no Kokoro", three quarters done with a new chapter for "Perfect Strangers" and half done with the chapter for "You Never Know". I think I'm just pulling blanks on those stories because.. well, it's like acting. You get so into a character that it's all-consuming and then when you break away for life it's hard to get back into it. But I promise, I'm working on wrapping those other stories up between being a full-time college student, having two part-time jobs, and volunteering.

If you have any other questions about storylines, etc. please ask in a review or message me if you have an account. I'm more than willing to respond to them. Thanks.

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**Part Three. Good News.**

* * *

Mamoru pressed his fingers onto his eyelids, trying to rub the vision of Usagi out of his eyes to no avail. Truly his wife had bewitched him. Day and night, with or without her, her blonde hair, her cornflower blue eyes, her petite nose and her beautiful smile haunted him whenever he closed his eyes. No matter who he was with, it was her scent invading his nostrils, her soft, pale skin that he wanted to touch. 

Guess that would explain this morning. One minute he was dreaming of her in his arms and the next he'd opened his eyes and she was real. Warmer than in his dreams, her eyes more vibrant, her lips so inviting and he had to taste them. And then she pulled herself out of his reach and everything went cold. He didn't know why he thought she'd let him kiss her, let that one thing lead to another. He got carried away. It was too much to ask for, that Usagi would want him anymore.

What she said to him when he joined her downstairs stunned him. It made him ask himself, "Does she know or doesn't she know?" She was so vindictive that he was starting to think that maybe she'd known all along. Ridiculous, that thought. If she had, she wouldn't have stayed with him. No, she would have left the second she found out.

Mamoru jumped when he heard someone knocking at his door. Usagi? With a hope he thought died a long time ago, he moved to the door and opened it. "Reika? What are you--"

The redhead pushed Mamoru back inside his office and closed the door behind them. He swallowed thickly, hoping this wasn't going where he thought it was going. She was, after all, wearing a black dress that clung to her every curve and a thick layer of perfume. But when he finally got a good view of her face, he was relieved. Reika looked more stern than turned on. "We need to talk," she said and stepped past him to sit on one of his leather seats.

Mamoru raised an eyebrow at her seated form. Talk was something they couldn't do without getting naked. Given how serious Reika looked, it didn't seem like it would happen, but still.. He cleared his throat. "About?"

"I'm pregnant," she bit out.

"What?" Mamoru didn't mean for that to come out so rude, but he couldn't help himself. Disbelief, riddled with anger, had that effect on him. Gravity suddenly started to rain down on him as he gave her statement more thought. Reika, pregnant? They'd used protection every single time since the first time, so it seemed impossible to believe what she'd said.

"You heard me," she snapped, hurt.

"Sorry," he quickly said, guilty that he reacted so harshly. "It's just.. Well, I.. How far along?"

Reika actually smiled. "It's okay. It's not yours. It's Motoki's."

She looked so certain, but he had to ask. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, handing him a piece of paper he didn't see her holding when she walked in. "It says my baby was conceived six weeks ago. Motoki and I were on vacation then."

Mamoru scanned the printed doctor's analysis and the boulder on his shoulders was instantly lifted. He felt horrible that he felt such relief. It was like barely getting a hand out of the proverbial cookie jar right before someone else walked in.

It wasn't his baby, he had to remind himself of that. Then and only then was he able to stop thinking about how close he came to really losing Usagi. He bent to Reika's side and tenderly took her hand. "Congratulations. You and Motoki will make great parents." He said it with all the conviction he could muster.

Reika placed a hand on his cheek lovingly. "You understand what this means for us?"

He nodded, turning his head so that he could kiss her open palm. "In a way I'm kind of relieved."

The redhead laughed, holding his face again. "Me, too. I love Motoki and.. I care a lot about Usagi." She bit her lip, staring straight into Mamoru's eyes before adding, "She's a remarkable woman."

Mamoru knew it took a lot for Reika to say that. It had become increasingly hard for her to save face in front of Usagi when the four of them were together. Reika admired Usagi, and she didn't want to hurt her. It was Mamoru that had been the one who kept convincing her to continue their affair. Him and his selfish wants. How he was glad that Reika's pregnancy had saved them both.

They chatted for a while longer before Reika said she had to go. As he walked her to the door, she turned to face him once more. "You know," she said, "I would have had an abortion had this child been yours." That stung, but he knew as well as Reika that he would have wanted that. There was no way he was going to own up to Usagi and Motoki. No way that he could hurt them both.

Reika said goodbye and left his office, probably for the last time. Mamoru walked back to his desk and sat there in complete stillness for a few minutes.

Reika would have been willing to do what was necessary to keep things secret, but could he honestly say that for Michiru or Ami? Mamoru's mind cleared as he thought of the third woman he had taken up in a moment of desperation. Mizuno Ami, one of the doctor's in the rehabilition unit of the hospital. She was kind and patient to all of her patients, and had the smallest crush on him. He could tell and for the most part ignored it, until one day, both Reika and Michiru weren't answering his calls..

Mamoru balled his hand into a fist and clenched until he swore all the blood had drained from it. This was it. Reika was too close a call. If he wanted to make sure Usagi could never leave him, he'd have to end it with Michiru and Ami.

Reaching for his phone, he dug through his memory bank for Michiru's number. Within seconds the number was dialed and the earpiece was ringing. Michiru picked up after the third ring.

"It's Mamoru," he said.

Immediately, Michiru replied with, "Haruka's back in town."

Surprise flooded through him. Tenou Haruka was Michiru's boyfriend. He was also an international car racer who was always out of the country for some reason or another. When Michiru showed up at the hospital with Haruka's little sister for a consultation, Mamoru was instantly drawn to her. They got together whenever Haruka was gone and would take a break from each other when he returned. Which was why Mamoru was confused. Haruka wasn't supposed to be back for two more weeks. "For how long?"

"Two months. The season's over," Michiru explained.

Mamoru raised an eyebrow. This was working better than he thought. "I called because I'm done."

There was silence on the other line. "Is there a reason why?"

Mamoru took a deep breath. "Because I can't risk you accidently becoming pregnant. Trust me, Michiru-san, it's nothing personal. I just don't think that I could do that to you."

Again, there was a long pause. "Wasn't that why we were getting together in the first place?"

If Mamoru had been standing, he would have fallen over. But he was sitting, forced to take in what she was saying. "No, Michiru-san, I wasn't _trying_ to get you pregnant. What the fuck would Haruka-san think?"

She snorted uncharacteristically. "Haruka would wonder what we were doing while she was gone."

"Sh--She?!" Mamoru practically bellowed.

"Yes, Haruka is a fucking _woman_, Mamoru-san."

Mamoru felt his chest constricting. Dear God, Michiru was a lesbian--bi-sexual--whatever. It wouldn't have mattered to him, save for the fact that she and her girlfriend were using Mamoru like a sperm donor! "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No," Michiru said harshly, "And it's making me wonder if maybe it's you."

Mamoru shook his head in disbelief. How could he have been _that_ stupid? He could kick himself for being so careless. "Goodbye, Michiru-san," he said, and hung up.

He didn't know how long he sat there with his head buried in his hands, but when he finally looked up, he was quite resolute. If Michiru was as crazy as to believe he could give her and Haruka a child, what on earth would Ami be thinking? He didn't know that much about Michiru and knew even less about Ami. "This is what I get for sneaking around on you, Usako," he muttered, shaking his head.

He got up. There was no way he could get any work done, not with these horrible thoughts running through his head, about what kind of psycho Ami might turn out to be and how it would destroy Usagi. What he needed to do now was find Ami and end things before they went too far.

* * *

Mamoru's palms were sweaty as he walked through the busy hallway on the third floor of the hospital. He could hear the sounds of men, women and children interacting with their nurses and doctors, trying to recuperate from some sort of accident. He couldn't help peering through some of those doors and saw a woman with an amputated leg, a child with a cast around both his ankles.. Jaw clenched, he saw their suffering. Immediately he thought of Usagi. 

Though he had never laid a hand on her in an abusive way, he had hurt her on something deeper than the physical level. He knew when she told him about her father's death that he should have been there to comfort her, but the man had never liked him. He insulted Mamoru's family and continued to try and set other men up with Usagi. She was never swayed, yes, but Mamoru lost all respect for her father.

To add to that, he had just been promoted. His superiors were expecting all sorts of great things out of him. He had to put one hundred and ten percent into everything, or he would lose his spot as chief neurosurgeon probably indefinitely.

It was that choice that ruined everything. It came down to his heart or his career, and boy, did he regret what he chose now. He could have opened up his own medical office, he could've been happy with the prestige he already had, but instead he had to have more. Maybe he thought he was doing Usagi the favor, too, since he thought she would be the proudest of him. Instead, she'd withdrawn from him and put all she had into her work. That was a bite in the ass, but it wasn't like he was going to complain that his wife did exactly what he did when the opportunity struck.

Mamoru didn't have a missing leg or a pair of broken feet. The thought of comparing his pain to those patients was preposterous. No, he was missing something immaterial.

He took two more steps and turned into the next room. And walked into Ami comforting a young boy who was leaning on her arm and covering his left hand. Mamoru halted, watching as the boy looked down and slowly let go of his hand, revealing the prosthetic thumb and index finger he now had. He was looking up at Ami with such heartbreakingly hopeful eyes and asked, "You promise?"

Ami nodded. "When you learn how to operate those two, you'll be playing baseball again in no time." She looked up as she finished that sentence, like she was acknowledging Mamoru for the first time since he stumbled upon them. "Ah, Doctor Chiba," she said, giving him a kind smile that lit up her entire face.

"Doctor Mizuno," he greeted. He gave the boy a polite nod. "Who do we have here?"

Through further discussion he found that the boy's name was Ryuu and that he lost his two fingers to a neighbor's rabid dog while rescuing a baseball in his backyard. The dog had chased him into a corner and viciously bit at his hand. Luckily, Ryuu was wearing a baseball glove, or he would've lost his entire hand.

Mamoru wanted to shake his head at the injustice. Ryuu would have to learn how to eat, how to write, how to play his favorite sports all over again. Those weren't things an eight-year-old should have to worry about. However, Ryuu didn't seem to be that scared, especially after spending time with Ami.

The boy's mother came to pick him up, and soon enough, Mamoru was alone with the blue-eyed bluenette. He always found it strange that she had unnaturally blue hair. It was so uncharacteristic of her. Maybe she did it so that her patients wouldn't be rigid around her? Then again, Ami didn't exactly follow the rules. That was what Mamoru commented on first. "You know we're not supposed to encourage our patients like that, Doctor Mizuno. That may or may not give them false hope, which we could be liable for should something go wrong."

Ami looked stubborn. "Ryuu-chan's parents were given quite a hefty allowance. Thanks to their neighbor's insurance company, Ryuu-chan was given our top equipment. I doubt telling him he'd be able to play baseball again would be anything more than fact."

Mamoru tried and failed to hide a smile. He shrugged in concession. "When you're right, you're right."

Ami's smile widened, but she hesitated to say more. Eventually, she asked, "I take it you're here on a personal note?"

He nodded, feeling dread sink into his bones. Breaking it off with Ami would be difficult, he knew it. When he and Reika got together, it was spontaneous. With Michiru, they were sexually attracted--and Michiru had her own agenda. But Ami liked him, respected him in a different way than Reika and Michiru, and turning on her would cause her a lot of pain.

It had to be done, of course. Otherwise he would cause Usagi pain, and Usagi he loved. With that in mind, he said, "Whatever it is between us, it has to stop."

Ami looked indifferent, but her blue-gray eyes were filled with unshed tears. "What made you come to this decision, Mamo-chan?"

He wanted to look away, but she needed him to see her as he told her the truth. "I'm married. And I want it to stay that way."

Ami already knew Mamoru had a wife, but this was the first time he expressed any kind of devotion to her. Yet all she said was, "I see." She stood up and spaced herself from Mamoru, angling herself so that he almost couldn't see her face.

Mamoru realized it pained her to have to be so polite, especially when he was hurting her feelings. "I'm sorry. Really sorry, Ami-san. I feel like I took advantage of you. I shouldn't have. It was unprofessional, not to mention immoral of me, and I--"

"Mamo-chan, please," Ami said, cutting him off. "Don't apologize."

She looked like she was about to faint. He wanted to go over to her and give her a hug, but he couldn't risk giving her false hope. He just couldn't. So he stayed away and watched her as she tried to rein in her feelings.

After a considerable amount of time passed, she was able to meet his eyes again. "I hope you work things out with your wife," she said, and quickly excused herself.

He stood there, wondering if he should run after her, make sure she was okay. Maybe ask if they could still be friends. Of course, that would be impossible. Asking that of her was asking too much. He had been selfish enough.

Then it hit him. He was free. He had ended things with each woman he'd gotten involved with, and he was finally free. He was too guilty to smile, but he was relieved beyond measure. He would go back to his office, see his last two appointments and wrap up the paperwork and go home on time. For the first time in a year he was looking forward to it.

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**End Part Three.**

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( Holy shitake, reviews! Keep 'em coming! ) 


	4. part four

**Title: **Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story.

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**I would like to thank: **svgurl410, rosebudjamie, serenity11287, Princess-Anime, Cloud9WithSugar, SailorEarth87, Lady Serpentina, Champion of Justice, anon, Ch3RrY-ChiHa, starangel07, Moonlight Usagi-chan, anokas2757, sousie, JJBrowneyes, LightningRose, karenwalker, blonde-gal, Kana07, Lucie, skye668, MayPenguin, lil miss child, Connie, kireisnowtenshi and MoonPrincess568 for your reviews on the last chapter. I can't keep track of how many times you leave reviews (I'm not used to counting that many haha), but I usually respond to reviewers who have an account on FanFiction. Thanks for the support!

**Author's Notes: **There was a tiny discrepancy that I tried to fix right after I posted the last chapter up, but in case you didn't see it, when Ami refers to Mamoru she calls him "Mamo-chan", like the woman Usagi almost walked in on with Mamoru said, because Ami is that woman (Which was a painful "duh!" for me. Can we say, schizophrenic?! Haha. Ahem. I'm.. actually a very sad individual.). Like I said, spotted it right after I posted it, tried to fix it before anyone read it, but within one minute I got thirteen hits, so..

Also, this chapter is going to suck. But I'm posting it in the hopes of working quickly and diligently on a redeeming fifth chapter.

If you have any other questions about storylines, etc. please ask in a review or message me if you have an account. I'm more than willing to respond to them. Thanks.

* * *

**Part Four. Good Idea.**

* * *

Usagi took a big whiff of the hot and homemade Dutch apple pie, paired with two scoops of vanilla ice cream and caramel drizzle and her her senses overloaded. Her stomach growled for the fourth time, indicating that if she didn't eat something soon, she would certainly attack that apple pie without a second's remorse. 

"Umm, Usagi-chan?" a feminine voice asked from behind her.

"Hmm?" she responded, too enthralled by the dessert to look up.

Her friend and head chef, Kino Makoto, moved to stand in front of her, her arms crossed in a scolding fashion. "Get the hell away from that customer's dessert."

Usagi moaned. "Not fair, Mako-chan! I own this restaurant!"

Makoto shook her head, causing her brown waves to fall from her chef hat. "Yes, but the customers are the ones that keep us in business. If anyone saw the way you were about to drool on that.."

The blonde moaned again. "It looks incredibly good!"

Makoto beamed. "I _did_ make it after all." Then her face took up a scornful look. "I already made lunch for you and Rei-chan, I'm not about to deal with another waiting customer again." Usagi hmph'd and pouted as she watched Makoto pick up the dish and set it on a passing waiter's tray, telling them which table number it was supposed to go to. She waited until the waiter was out of earshot and hissed, "You're fired, Mako-chan."

The brunette ignored her friend. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are!"

Makoto laughed, which only seemed to infuriate Usagi more. "No, I'm not. By the way, isn't that Rei-chan's car?"

Usagi turned and saw Rei's car pulled up at the front of her restaurant. She was instantly nervous. "Yeah. We're hanging out tonight." Which was the safest thing she could say, since she didn't know where they were actually going.

Her friend was aghast. "Really?"

The blonde looked miffed. "Are you intentionally trying to give me a hard time?"

"No, no," Makoto quickly said and laughed. "I just haven't heard you say you were going out in a long time."

Usagi just smiled and slung her purse over her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mako-chan."

"Bye!"

* * *

Usagi sat back in the booth and stared across the table at Rei. They were finishing dinner up at a California-style soup and salad buffet and her dark-haired friend still wasn't coming around. She lifted a skeptical brow. "It's not a club?" 

"Usagi!" Rei growled. "For the fifth time, no!"

The blonde made a noncommital sound. "I can't help it! You're creeping me out with the secrecy. Please don't tell me it's an adult store.. or a strip club.. or a speed-dating service--"

"Just calm down," Rei said, taking her own advice once she realized they were receiving a generous amount of attention. "Do I look like the kind of person that would do that to you?"

Usagi snorted. "You're setting me up for something great here."

Rei tossed a piece of hair over her shoulder with narrowed eyes. "The temptation to kick you in the shin is getting too strong to deny."

The blonde beamed at her friend proudly. "I have that effect on people."

Her friend just rolled her eyes. "Well, let's go. We were supposed to be there almost an hour ago, but nooo, you just had to have one more plate of food, three soups and dessert!"

Stopping herself from grumbling that she was still hungry, Usagi scooted out of the booth and followed Rei--who still looked amazingly fit since she only ate half a bowl of soup--out of the restaurant and back to her car.

"How far away is this place?" Usagi asked, getting the jitters again as she buckled herself in.

"Not too far."

"Am I underdressed? Overdressed, perhaps?"

Rei backed out of the parking lot and turned onto the street. "Over."

"Ha!" Usagi shot triumphantly. "A semi-decent answer!"

"Oh no," Rei said without enthusiasm, "You caught me. What ever shall I do?"

Usagi glared though she knew her friend was concentrating on the road. "Sarcasm is _my_ forte, Rei-chan. It doesn't suit someone as happy as you."

They pulled up to a red traffic light and Rei turned to face her. "Promise me something," she said, her face completely stoic.

Usagi was taken aback. "Of course.. What?"

"No more sarcasm."

The blonde smiled bitterly. "That's like asking me to stop being unhappy because my husband's cheating on me."

"Hey," Rei snapped, "After tonight it's not going to matter if he's cheating on you or not."

Usagi shook her head. "I don't get what you mean."

The light turned green. Rei returned to watching traffic, but she continued. "Usagi, your happiness does not depend on Mamoru-san. You were happy before you met him, and you can be happy again, if only you learn how to be happy for yourself."

She said nothing more, which left Usagi to sit on her words for ten more minutes. She gave Rei's earlier question some thought. When was the last time she was really happy? There was the time Mamoru got promoted as chief neurosurgeon--no.. Well, how about the time Mamoru received an award for--Usagi shook her head. That didn't count either. Save for opening a restaurant in her father's honor, she couldn't think of a single time she was happy in the past eighteen months.

Rei was right. Since she got married Usagi based her happiness on Mamoru's successes and failures. She'd sacrificed a lot--she gave up her father, who was her only family, her home, her job, her time--so that she could fit in to Mamoru's world. And now that their marriage had spoiled like sour milk, she had nothing but her restaurant and Rei to fall back on.

"How are you such an expert at this?" Usagi asked.

Her friend laughed. "Dear, I'm a divorce attorney," she said with a toss of her hair. "I see all sorts of crazy things; domestic abuse, kidnapped kids, drug addicts.. The thing they all have in common is the one individual who can't stand up to his or her partner or stand up for themselves."

"What do they do to see the light?"

"They go where we're going," came the reply.

Finally, they reached their destination. Rei pulled into a parking lot behind a large building and parked the car. She got out of the car first. Curious, Usagi followed after her.

Strangely, the building was all brick. No windows to show light coming through, except for the glass double-door entrance. Above them was an illuminated sign that said, "Anytime Zen."

Usagi pondered the meaning of it as they walked in and inhaled sharply when she took the place in. Treadmills. Steppers. Exercise bikes. Ellipticals. Benches. Walls made of mirrors, reflecting twenty or so men and women who looked like models from the front covers of body building magazines. A gym. Rei had taken her to a gym.

Usagi didn't know if she should be insulted or not. It was no secret that she had gained fifteen pounds in six months. Her usually thin body had pockets of excess weight in places she never used to see, especially around her stomach. Staring at the women who walked around like the sex goddesses they were made her want to pull her shirt a little lower so they wouldn't see her pudge.

Oh, she definitely regretted eating the extra salad, soups and dessert now!

Before she could do anything remotely violent to Rei, a woman a little older than them approached and gave Usagi an award-winning smile. "Good evening, Hino-san," she greeted warmly, "I see you've brought a friend."

Rei nodded and nudged Usagi forward. "This is Chiba Usagi, my best friend," she introduced. "Usagi, this is--"

"Elsa Gray," the woman interrupted, "I'm American."

With her bright pink hair and dark tan, it was hard to believe otherwise. "Nice to meet you, Gray-san."

"Elsa is fine with me, and it is a pleasure to meet you as well," the pink-haired woman said. She clasped her hands in front of her and looked from Rei to Usagi. "I take it you're interested in looking around?"

Usagi snorted. "A forced interest, maybe. But since I am here, and in the midst of someone with better manners than Rei-chan, I wouldn't mind taking a look."

So Elsa gave her the grand tour of place with Rei in tow. To her surprise, the gym was rather large inside. There were two rooms full of machines, a fairly-sized pool with a small upper level for track, two basketball courts, two volleyball courts, and a room for racketball. By the time the three entered the last hallway she had been surprised and impressed ten times over. She started making a comment when she heard it. Music. Three songs going on at the same time.

Elsa caught on and suddenly said, "This in the dance hall. We offer a wide variety of lessons, from waltz to salsa to ballet. It's a great way to fit a different type of exercise in your weekly routine."

"Do either of you take dance classes here?" Usagi asked, looking expectantly at Elsa and Rei.

Elsa shook her head. "I'm strictly for track and conditioning."

"I tried," Rei replied, "but my footwork sucks and my hips don't move. I stick with racketball."

"Something violent," Usagi interpreted and snorted. "I didn't see that one coming."

They reached the last room. Salsa music was blasting. There were fifteen or so couples dancing in a circle to the count of a man in the middle. Usagi laughed as a few men got their toes stepped on and more women got jabbed in the face by an elbow. Frustrated with how slow his students were picking the steps up, the man in the middle of the circle called for a ten minute break.

Most of the people left to go to the water fountain or the bathroom, so Usagi, Rei and Elsa waited until they emptied out of the dance room and entered. Elsa introduced Usagi to the dance instructor, who immediately asked if she had any dancing experience.

"A little," she answered, and threw Rei a warning "shut up" glance that spoke volumes.

"I see," he said pompously, "Is that why you were laughing at my students earlier?"

Usagi bit her lip, trying not to smile at the thought. "I suppose it is."

"Well, my best student just walked in the door, so maybe you can demonstrate how the dance is supposed to be done," he said.

Usagi turned just in time to run into a brunette with dark chocolate eyes. He caught and steadied her, and then she recognized him. "Hamada-san!" she exclaimed.

Hamada Kiyoshi was one of the radiologists at the hospital Mamoru worked at. He took x-rays for all of Mamoru's clients and for the ER. Like Mamoru, he was one of the younger workers at the hospital. He was handsome and certainly financially stable, but to Usagi's knowledge he was still a bachelor. It sounded unfortunate, but every time she saw him at a fundraiser or other black tie event the sexiest supermodel of the month was hanging on his arm. Back in the present, she had to stop herself from grinning foolishly as he flashed her his perfect, pearly whites. "Chiba-san. What a pleasant surprise!"

"Wait, you know this.. Hamada-san?" Rei asked incredibly.

Usagi nodded. "He's one of the radiologists at Tokyo International." She then took the time to introduce her best friend and her husband's co-worker and repeated the process with Elsa.

"So what brings you here?" Kiyoshi asked, his attention back on Usagi.

"She," the dance instructor interjected, "was just about to show us her professional dance moves."

Kiyoshi lifted a skeptical albeit amused eyebrow. "What is she going to dance to?"

"She'll dance with you, following our routine."

Usagi kept her face neutral when Kiyoshi burst in to laughter. "Sensei, isn't that a little bit unfair? She did, after all, only see the routine. She can't have learned it all."

"It's okay, Hamada-san, your sensei has something to prove."

And with that, she stepped in front of Kiyoshi, placed her left hand on his shoulder with perfect posture and counted off. "Five, six.. Five, six, seven, eight." The rest of the counting was marked by their footsteps as they stepped from side to side. The only other sound was the rustling of clothes as they swished to a silent beat.

The salsa was, in general, a sensual dance, and both parties were no stranger to that fact. Keeping in time both Usagi and Kiyoshi swayed their hips, bringing them closer together than a fit glove. Kiyoshi gently pushed her away, and she circled him, her right hand never leaving his torso. When she faced him again, he took that hand and pulled her close. Usagi felt a thrill as Kiyoshi half-spun her once, twice, then spun her a full time and brought her back so they could dip simultaneously, her left leg temporarily wrapped around his waist.

Once they straightened, she stepped back, smiling at the instructor's shocked face. She tried not to sound to troubled, but she knew she had to have sounded bitter when she said, "I was a dance major before I got married."

The dance instructor took a step toward them, and with a stern face, he.. applauded. "Marvelous."

Usagi let out a breath and looked up at a beaming Kiyoshi. "Please tell me you'll sign up for classes," he said. "I need a partner and sensei needs hope."

The blonde laughed. "Rei-chan and Elsa-san have been trying to talk me into getting a membership," she pointed out. "Do dance classes come with that?"

"Yeah, but they meet at night only," Elsa answered. "If you wanted to meet with Hamada-san, however, the dance studio rooms are available at any other time of the day."

Rei looked elated. "Usagi, you could practice dancing again! Isn't that exciting?"

Usagi was excited, but she didn't want to show it. Of course she wanted to dance again, she had been progressing very well in her class when she met Mamoru. But that's just it; she met Mamoru, she married him, and she had to give that up. Mamoru didn't want a dancer for a wife, he'd rather a homemaker, a domesticated woman to play the part of his other half. And she was too in love to argue. She looked from Rei to Kiyoshi. "Oh, Rei-chan, I don't know.."

"Usagi-san," Kiyoshi said, "You don't have to be my partner if you don't want to. You don't even have to dance. Just do whatever makes you happy."

She stared into his brown eyes, stunned that he could say something so simple that could turn her world upside down. And just like that, she came to her decision. "Do you take cash or credit card?"

* * *

Once Usagi reached the driveway of her and Mamoru's three-story house and saw Mamoru's car, her mood turned somber. _'No.. fucking.. way..' _Mamoru was actually home. Home before midnight. Home before _her_. He hadn't been home before her--and stayed there--in a year. Usagi bit her lip. _'Did he come home directly from work thinking I would be home?' _She told him she'd be home at five as sort of a courtesy statement and figured he'd come home late again. Never in her wildest dreams did she expect him to come home on time. To her. 

Apparently, she had been wrong.

Usagi shifted her car into park and turned it off. She hesitated, but left her car and slowly walked up to the door. She checked her watch nervously as she did so. Nine twenty-seven. After signing up for that club membership, Usagi returned to the dance hall and got acquainted with the rest of the class. Then she spent an hour and a half working on some new choreography with Kiyoshi. She didn't intend on staying there that long, but working with the radiologist resurrected a sense of purpose she had long forgotten. And so when she realized what time it was, she hastily broke away, promising to come back next week, and drove like a madwoman home.

Still, it had taken her a half hour to reach the house. _'If Mamoru-san came home from work, he's been waiting for three and a half hours.' _Guilt swelled up, but she immediately quelled it by remembering last night. _'He's made me wait enough. I'm through with waiting.'_

As tough as those thoughts sounded, she still climbed up the front porch steps with as much caution as a cat sneaking up on a mouse. She opened the screen door and slowly slid the key into the keyhole. _'God, what could be on the other side of this door..'_ Taking a breath for courage, she turned it and opened the door.

Nothing.

Mamoru wasn't waiting at the bottom of the stairs or anything.

Usagi wiped at the sweat around her neck--an accumalation of dancing with Kiyoshi and anxiety over the fact that her husband was home when she wasn't--and forced her heartbeat to slow down so she could climb up the stairs to their room. _'This is ridiculous!' _she told herself. _'You live here, Usagi, so why are you afraid?'_

Maybe she was scared that Mamoru had some bad news. Maybe he decided to come clean tonight. _'Or maybe.. maybe he just waited for you.. And you weren't here.'_

Usagi told herself to shut up once that thought came to mind. There was no real reason to be scared, or guilty. Mamoru wasn't going to be upset. He was probably on his way out. _'Yeah, that's it. He probably came back for some change clothes.'_

She swung the door to their room open and almost stumbled back. Mamoru was sitting on their bed, staring at her. And he _had_ been waiting.

* * *

**End Part Four.**

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( You know how this works. Leave reviews and you'll get the drama faster than TNT. ) 


	5. part five

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank:** svgurl410, rosebudjamie, cubbiegirl84, Lucie, serenity11287, Lady Serpentina, grapesandoats, Eva, Sakura, karenwalker, JJBrowneyes, couturedawl, Kana07, skye668, blonde-gal, CerridwenStorms, Alex, Grand Phoenix, lil miss child, MayPenguin, sousie, tif, midnight blue08, diamondstar1808, Princess-Anime, nancy n, Pharynx, IcePhoenix, starangel07, Sam, mystic soldier, Silver Moonlight-81, Jingy5, evaya, Champion of Justice, Lightning Rose, London Gibbs, the smiley face, TrueDestiny, Moonlight Usagi-chan, monie89 and Elise for leaving reviews on the last chapter. I personally respond to each reviewer (except for the last chapter, I got confused and probably didn't reply to a lot of people who reviewed) who has an FF account, but I also want to let the ones who don't have an account that I love hearing from you. I appreciate your comments of love/hate and support, it's definitely what fueled this update. Thanks!

**Author's Notes: **This chapter is definitely _not _going to suck. I think it's one that everyone's kind of been waiting for, so please enjoy the POV collision!

Just to let everyone know, I will be taking a two-week break from writing to focus on studying for the biology and chemistry exams I have next week. Please do not send me angry/mean messages about this as I am upset enough that writing/updating my fics cannot be my number one priority during the school year.

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**Part Five. Good Riddance.**

* * *

Usagi's heart practically jumped out of her throat. She was so struck by surprise that she couldn't even breathe. Mamoru was here, in the house, sitting on their bed with a malicious look between his nose and his forehead. Why that was, was anyone's guess, but she wasn't ready to break the tense silence stretching like a balloon between them. 

Mamoru, on the other hand, was trying to put all his rage into words, minus the rage. _'She said she'd be here at around five. It's nine-fucking-thirty!' _He came home by four-thirty, too antsy to stay another hour at work, and waited. And waited.

When five-thirty came along and she wasn't home, he blamed traffic. By six, he blamed himself. Panic and disbelief arose in him. He didn't want to think that Usagi decided not to come home, but what other explanation could there be? No, she left him and decided not to give him any forewarning.

Desperate, he wandered around the house, checking her clothes, her personal cabinets, anything that would indicate that she had packed earlier that day and left. But everything was where it should have been, from her financial records down to her favorite white slippers at the foot of their bed. He looked at them, raking a hand through his hair, and had to ask himself, "Where is she?"

A thought had eased into his mind then, one that he couldn't ignore. _'Maybe she's with another man.' _The idea of his wife with someone else felt like a hit from a sledgehammer, especially after he had broken off from Reika, Michiru and Ami. It would've been the worst kind of irony if it were true. And now, with Usagi currently standing at the threshold of their bedroom, looking frightened and with her hair in a disheveled bun..

It was the sweat by her temples that carried on down past her neck and into the deep recess of her cleavage that got his attention, and so he had to ask. "Usako," he said, completely calm save for the storm in his eyes, "Where have you been?"

She stared long and hard at him, wondering if she should be flattered that he cared or insulted that he was incredibly mad._ 'Calm down, Usagi, he's just worried. There's no need for a fight.'_ At least that's what she was telling her sensible side, the one that was screaming at her to run like all hell was breaking loose. But it wasn't breaking loose, not yet anyway, and she'd always had a habit of sticking around until something exploded to head for the hills.

"I went out with Rei-chan after work," she simply said, and took a step into the room. _'Take that, you two--I mean four-timing rat!'_

He didn't budge, save for looking a bit surprised. "Went out? Where?"

The thought of lying appealed to her, but she couldn't do it, not even out of spite for Mamoru. Lying could hurt him, could penetrate him sharper than a needle, this she knew from personal experience. But lying was his job, not hers. With a surrendering sigh, she said, "We had dinner, and then she took me to this place."

_'A place? What the hell does that mean?' _He waited for her to elaborate, but she headed toward the closet instead."What kind of place?" A billion possibilities came to mind, none of them favorable to him. Again, she didn't answer immediately like she usually would. His patience snapped. "I asked you a question, Usako."

Usagi whirled around, pissed that he would take that condescending tone with her. _'How dare he! I don't have to answer to him!' _Despite thinking that, she knew the better thing to do was to hold back on a retort that would lead them nowhere. She wasn't guilty of anything, so she didn't feel like she had to defend herself like she was. "It was a twenty-four hour gym, all right? Called Anytime Zen." A flicker akin to recognition crossed his face, but he said nothing. "Look, Mamoru-san, it wasn't a big deal. Rei-chan just thought I'd be interested in getting a membership there, and I think it's a good idea, too."

_'Anytime Zen? Is she crazy?' _Mamoru had heard of that gym before. More importantly, he had heard that it was full of "attractive men with even more attractive backsides". At least that's what the nurses on the fourth floor thought before he walked in on their conversation about the matter a few weeks ago. _'She conveniently left the 'attractive men' bit out of her 'good idea'.' _With a skeptical brow he replied, "How so?"

Usagi turned so that her husband could look at her dead on. "Look at me, Mamoru-san. I'm five-one, I used to be one hundred and two pounds and now I'm one-seventeen."

_'And now you've seen your fair share of body-building men in shorts, you mean.' _He snorted. "You're hardly overweight."

_'Nice that you see the point.. not.' _"No, but I'm not taking care of myself either. You're a doctor, you should know that good eating and exercise leads to longevity and overall wellness."

What she said flew right past him, and he replied without missing a beat. "So you're considering getting a membership, then."

It was hard to say "yes" or "no" to something that sounded more like a statement than a question, so Usagi said, "I already signed a one-year contract."

Mamoru shot to his feet. "You _what_?"

_'USAGI!! Calm your ass down!' _Which was easier thought than done at that point. Mamoru was acting like a downright bastard about something that didn't even concern him. What did he care what she did with her time? She needed something to do while he was out sleeping around with Japan's best!

Maybe he wasn't mad about that, though. Maybe he was mad because he thought she used his money to pay for the contract. She snorted. If that was the case, he had nothing to worry about. "I'm paying for it out of my own money, Mamoru-san," she ground out. "I promise you won't see any kind of charge on your credit card--"

"That's not the fucking point," Mamoru interjected, frustrated that his wife was belittling the issue to a petty argument over money. "You did this without consulting me," he said, pressing a hand against his chest. "You didn't even tell me where you were and last time I checked, you had a cell phone."

Usagi almost rushed at him, but she paced herself so that she only looked like she stalked right up to him. "Oh _don't_ get all self-righteous on me!" she exclaimed, trying her best to leave any sign of hurt out of her actions. "I didn't expect to go to a gym tonight, but I did and I was actually motivated to do something healthy for a change."

"Without telling me."

_'He still can't see the point!' _She wanted to slap him! This time, she almost did, but then she narrowed her eyes and glared on. "I'm sorry," she said sarcastically, folding her arms in front of her, "I forgot the part where marrying you meant I had to report back to you on _every single fucking thing_ I do on a daily basis."

Mamoru took a step back, afraid that his wife's new attitude would make him strike at her. His Usako, he could never hurt, but this Usagi, this stranger standing before him, was tearing some deep part of him to shreds with her defiant words and hateful eyes. Instinctively he wanted to strike back, but he stopped himself. No matter what, she was his wife. She deserved words, a conversation. Her unfaithful husband's benefit of the doubt. With a heaving sigh, he started again. "I never said you had to. I'd just like to be consulted about the important things like signing a one-year contract to a gym."

"You know, not everything is about you, Mamoru-san--"

He snapped. "Stop fucking calling me that, Usako!" _'DAMN THIS!'_

Usagi's face contorted with animosity. "Stop telling me what to do, Mamoru-san! I chose to call you Mamoru-san, I chose to join that gym, and you cannot order me to do otherwise!" She stepped aside to get to the closet. _'That's it! I'm packing a bag, booking a hotel room and staying there until I can figure what the fuck I should do about this useless sham of a marriage!' _Correction, that _was_ the plan until Usagi opened the closet door and saw the royal disaster that was once her side of the closet.

What was once order was disordered. Clothes that were on hangers were clutching on for dear life. Her box of perfumes had been knocked over and jewelry lay scattered on the ground. She could have expected her life to look like that, but never her closet, and in one blinding moment she realized who had done it. The only one who could've done it. Her husband. _'MAMORU-SAN!'_

She spun around so quickly she thought she pulled a muscle. She dismissed the physical pain and continued to search his face for some sort of guilt when it was written unwillingly across his face. With a voice dipped in venom, she slowly asked, "What.. is this fucking mess?"

His guilt was quickly replaced with stubbornness. "I was looking for something."

_'Like what? A fucking mothball?!' _She gave him the most disbelieving stare she could muster beyond her shock. "On my side of the closet? How dare you go through my personal things!"

Any guilt that Mamoru had felt for tearing his wife's personal space apart diffused, replaced with a suspicious smug. "Why? Is there something to hide?"

Usagi didn't know how it happened, but her hand reached up and crossed Mamoru's face. The result was a loud popping noise that flung his head to one side, and a fiery tingle on the back of her knuckles. Fear froze her for a split second, but when he touched his jaw and angled his head toward her, she saw the misery that should've been in her eyes and not his. _'That's unfair, Mamoru-san, throwing accusations at the innocent when you're the one who's cheated on me over and over again!' _She shook with anger. "Fuck you! You tell me why you went through everything of mine and--"

"I thought you were leaving me!" he spat, still holding on to the spot where she'd slapped him. Everything inside him was twisting and churning. Usagi _slapped _him. There was no remorse in her eyes, nothing like sadness, just a cold, blue wall that reflected everything she was yelling at him.

She reeled back in shock, like he'd said something impossible, but then she looked bitterly amused. "Leaving you is exactly what I should do."

_'No! Never!' _Those were the only responses his brain could possibly think of. But that idiot heart of him, who wanted to lash back because she'd hurt him by barely whispered something so horrible, dared to challenge her. "Then what's stopping you?"

Usagi could have listed off lots of things, or at least the excuses she gave Rei when she said she couldn't leave earlier. But none of that seemed to matter, right there, right now. It was like the scales had fallen from her eyes, and she was facing the clear truth. "The part that wanted to believe in you."

Wanted. Past tense. Past overview of existence. Usagi closed her eyes from the tears that threatened to pour. _'Not now. I'm too strong to break down now.' _Eyes opened now, she faced her husband with resolution sinking into her bones. "I'm done, Mamoru-san. I'm done with us."

Mamoru cringed and for once spoke his thoughts. "Done? No, Usako. No. It can't be over between us, do you understand?"

His eyes searched hers wildly, looking for a sign that she agreed, but she only nodded sadly and turned to grab her black duffel from the top shelf and go for some clothes. He moved to stand right next to her, but he couldn't touch her. Hatred was oozing from her skin, but he had to stop her somehow. There were plenty of things that she could leave him for, but this one was the most ridiculous. He could understand if she left him after finding out about Reika, Michiru or Ami, but he couldn't stand to watch her pack up over something so trivial. "Don't do this Usako. Don't let this disagreement be the end of us. Don't let this be over!"

By the end of his rant he was beside himself, wondering if he was screaming or weeping at watching his wife stuff her favorite clothes in that duffel. But she didn't say a word in response, didn't even look at him.

Usagi the angry stranger was gone. Usako the loving wife was long gone. He was losing the submissive Usagi who stepped out of their closet and left the room without so much as saying "goodbye", a woman he could no longer reach with either hate or love.

* * *

**End Part Five.**

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( You want more, I want reviews. Let's help each other out. ) 


	6. part six

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank:** diamondstar1808, Princess-Anime, Silver Moonlight-81, svgurl410, Lady Serpentina, serenity11287, Cloud9WithSugar, Norma, MayPenguin, lil miss child, rosebudjamie, delphis865, jean, Eva, MP, IcePhoenix, MoonPrincess568, Pharynx, Jingy5, Champion of Justice, sousie, Myung, Meeh-san, Uhamilton, Moonlight Usagi-chan, moonie89, Eva C, pinkcarr, Kana07, schoolgirltil2005, Hotaru27, ScorpioNight, starangel07, Sam, JJBrowneyes, blonde-gal, Miyu, Sakura, J x Legacy, tokyohawkgirl, elise, Serenity Komoshiro, R.Kay, faei-sama, midnightgale, Lucie, tue56uw6y, ally0212, erine, the smiley face, anon, raye85, Nana Onix, mystic soilder, skye668, Luvdarain5, bunniko, Brittany, Poeta, a.k.a ettie, lil-ying-fa and Heraldo for leaving reviews on the last chapter. Whether you have an account on FF or not, I want you to know that your reviews have given me so much to think about (i.e. new ideas for the plot) and have given me inspiration when I've had a bad day. So please revel in the fact that you play a big part in making this story what it has become.

**Author's Notes: **I've decided it's not the end for our beloved Mamoru and Usagi. Their fight was superficial, it was used as an excuse to fight over something much deeper than a one-year contract to a gym. I'm sure you all figured that part out, but I just wanted to clarify that point. The real fight hasn't begun, so it's far from over between these two.

I'm unsure about how this is going to end at this point, but a happy ending is still a possibility.

This chapter was updated late because I found out yesterday that an old co-worker of mine committed suicide. He was only about 18 or 19, and news of his death really hit home for the rest of my co-workers and I. I couldn't bring myself to do much of anything last night, so I postponed it for yet another day. I don't know how else to say it because everything that comes to mind sounds inadequate, but his loss is deeply felt. So in closing.. this chapter is dedicated to him.

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**Part Six. Good Grief.**

* * *

Usagi's mind was clear once she'd left the room, but as she made her way down the hallway, reality seemed to thump her on the forehead. _'Yeah, it's great that you're sticking up for yourself, Usagi, but what the hell are you going to do now? You took the only clothes Mamoru-san didn't buy for you, you're leaving his house, but where the hell _were_ you planning on going?' _Stubborn, she ignored her chiding conscience and kept walking. 

It wasn't until she was out of the house that she realized all she had were her car, the clothes on her back and the random shit she bothered to put in her duffel. Taking a shaky breath, she dug into her pocket and produced her cell phone. A gift from Mamoru. She swallowed thickly and contemplated using it. _'So what if he sees who you're calling? All he'll want is the phone back..' _She flipped it open and promised herself to buy a new phone tomorrow and to return that one as soon as she got the chance.

The phone rang five times. By then she'd made it into her car and had turned it on, but she didn't shift gears. Her heart was plummeting further and further down with every unanswered ring. _'Rei-chan's not going to answer.'_

"Hello?"

Usagi opened her mouth to respond, but no sound came out. All the anger, pain and sadness had stolen her voice. _'You're so selfish, calling her this late after she spent the whole day trying to cheer you up.' _Guilt overrode her need to reach out. She was going to hang up, but Rei's worried voice pierced through the darkness with another, "Hello?"

"Rei-chan. It's Usagi." She stopped, short of breath so quickly, but tried to keep going like nothing was wrong. "I'm sorry to call so late."

Rustling of some sort made its way through the earpiece, but she didn't care to read into it.

"It's okay. Is something wrong?"

"No, not really. I just left the house--Mamoru-san.." She gulped, hating that she sounded so weak. "We had a fight, Rei-chan, and I told him I was leaving. I don't know if it's permanent, but I just.." Again she clipped the statement short. Tears were burning her through her eyelids, but she didn't want them to fall. She pressed a shaky hand over her eyes and choked out, "I just couldn't stay."

Rei made a sympathetic sound. "Usagi.."

Usagi brought her hand to her mouth. She didn't want to scream or worse, sob, on the phone with her best friend. She'd already broken down once today, she couldn't let what happened make the worst of her again.

But it was so hard. Sitting there, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on her phone, reminded her of the day she secretly discovered Mamoru with another woman at the hospital. She felt betrayed, stupid. Alone.

Rei spoke again, and her gentle voice soothed away the loneliness like it always did. "Where are you?"

"In my car," she answered. "I was thinking about driving to the restaurant."

She could see Rei nodding her head as she processed that. "Okay, we'll meet you there."

Usagi said, "okay" and hung up, realizing only afterward that Rei had said "we."

* * *

Mamoru lay motionlessly on his and Usagi's--he stopped himself. _'It's just my bed now.' _His jaw clenched involuntarily and he pounded a fist against the soft mattress. _'She left me. Usako _left _me.' _He wanted to ask himself why, but he already knew what he had done to push her away. He just thought that what he did would've been the reason she left, not over some lame argument about a gym membership. 

A sharp pain in his chest made him turn on his side. Without thinking he reached over to his wife's side of the bed, only to find air. He was grasping for a presence that was missing. _'I've always loved and wanted her, and she's gone.'_

This time he threw a pillow.

Never had he felt loneliness like this. Alone and hopeless. For the first time Usagi would not be there, sleeping, waiting for him to come home. For the first time he knew for certain when he woke up he would not feel her warm body against his, see her beautiful face as she, too, opened her eyes.

He should've known. He really should've known they couldn't carry on that way forever. He was unfaithful and she was not the same happy-go-lucky woman he first met. Not that he blamed her; he changed and he shouldn't have expected her to stay the same. She proved that she wasn't tonight. The Usagi he knew wouldn't have left him.

Some part of him wanted to believe that it wasn't permanent. That she would come back in a few hours, put her bag down and stubbornly get to work on fixing her side of the closet, but he knew better than to hope for that. Things had been going his way for months. It was his turn to have his world turned upside down.

He closed his eyes, trying to get some sort of peace from his thoughts, but Usagi's pained expression as she packed her bag and walked away appeared from the dark.

His eyes flew open. He wanted to rip the bed to shreds, but she made it that morning. He wanted to throw furniture around, but she was the one who picked the oak pieces out. He wanted to punch a hole in the wall, but Usagi had taken two days to sand, prime and paint their room. There was too much, and yet too little, of his wife everywhere. And she made it clear that it was over.

Frustrated, he picked up the phone. He almost thought he could call Motoki, talk to him about what was going on. But that would be playing with fire, or more importantly, playing with the future Reika was trying to make for her child. He stared long and hard at the number pad, realizing he had no one to turn to since he had secretly betrayed the two people who meant the most to him.

He thrust a hand through his hair. His violent thoughts were pushing for violent acts. Instead of smashing the phone to pieces, however, he dialed a number and sat impatiently as it rang three times.

"Hello?"

"Ami-san. It's Mamoru.."

* * *

"Usagi-chan!" Makoto exclaimed, shock more than evident on her face, "You're back!" 

Usagi nodded and smiled though it pained her. "I, um, forgot something in the office," she murmured, pointing in the direction behind her with her thumb.

Makoto nodded, seemingly without catching the lie. She was busy placing her freshly cleaned knives in their respective holders anyway. "We're just waiting for the last customers to leave before we close out on the floor. You know, the old couple who comes in every Friday night.."

Usagi listened while the dull ache in the back of her neck grew and grew.

"..but everything's set back here--"

"I don't doubt it," Usagi said and feigned cheerfulness, clipping the conversation short. "Thanks, Mako-chan. The place is in capable hands with you around. I'll just be in the office if you need anything."

She walked to the back and set her purse down--she left her duffel in the car in case she would run into someone and have to explain herself--just as Rei and Yuuichirou walked in.

Maybe she looked like hell, she had no idea, but they both rushed to her side like she was going to collapse at any given moment. She might have, given the shock she received at seeing the two of them in scrubby clothes. A baggy t-shirt, she could picture on Yuuichiriou, but Rei in sweatpants? She laughed bitterly. "I'm going insane."

"Usagi," Rei said, holding her friend upright, "You look exhausted."

"That's because I am, Rei-chan," she said, but it didn't come out as snappy as she'd planned. She gave Yuuichirou a curious glance but only thanked him when he helped her sit down.

Rei skipped the routine of bringing her green tea and letting her cry. Usagi had a hunch it was because she was afraid Yuuichiriou's presence might alienate her, but again she made no comment. The three of them sat in silence until Usagi placed a hand on her forehead and spoke, "He came home early and I didn't."

Rei nodded, urging her to go on although she was clearly surprised. Usagi cleared her throat and continued. "When I got upstairs he was there, waiting for me. I freaked--I've never _not _been home when he was home, and it didn't help that he kept staring at me like _I_ was guilty of something." She paused and slowly closed her eyes. "We fought, I mean really fought. He went through all of my things, then had the nerve to go ballistic when I told him about the gym. I was so incredibly angry.. I said I was done with him."

Those last words hung in the air like a swirl of smoke from a burnt candle.

"So he knows that you know?" Rei finally asked.

Usagi's eyes were still closed, but she squeezed them tight like she was having a nightmare. "No."

Usagi could feel her friend's.. displeasure at hearing that. She sighed and said, "I was too furious to do anything but slap him and tell him I was gone."

"You slapped him?" Rei asked incredulously.

"I didn't plan to, but he kept hinting that _I _was the one sneaking out, that _I _had done something behind his back and that I haven't given my entire life up for him. Because I have. I've given him _everything _I ever was." By the time she broke off that sentence her eyes were wide open and her hands were shaking.

Unexpectedly, Yuuichirou placed a soothing hand on her back. He rubbed at the frazzled nerves, taming them in a way that reminded Usagi of how Mamoru would run a hand through his hair when he was fretting about something important..

She was trying so hard to forget Mamoru that she almost missed Rei ask, "What are you going to do now?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll move to America or something."

The raven-haired woman snorted. "That's nonsense."

Yuuichirou moved to object, too, but the blonde stopped him. "No, it's not. I'll have Mako-chan take over the restaurant while I travel abroad for a year. After all, Mako-chan knows how to run this place better than me."

"Not true," a voice said from behind them. Usagi whirled around to see Makoto standing in the doorway. She should have felt angry that another employee had stumbled onto this scenario, but Makoto's indifferent expression kept her in check.

For someone who had walked in on the kind of ranting rampage Usagi was on, Makoto was quite serene. She calmly strolled over to Usagi and laid a plate with a generous serving of fresh lemon crumb cake on her lap while saying, "Everyone loves you, Usagi-chan, employees and customers alike. You smile and people tell you things they wouldn't even tell their best friends. That sour-faced man comes in every day because you talk to him."

The blonde nodded. Unsure of that being a sign that she agreed, Makoto went on. "You can't solve your problems by leaving; they'll follow you wherever you go. That's why it's called baggage. Better to unpack it all now than carry it with you forever."

Usagi contemplated that piece of advice, then raised a skeptical brow. "But if I go back tonight--"

"You'll be able to tell him why you really want to end things with him," Rei finished for her. "Usagi, it's not about looking weak in front of him. It's about being strong enough to walk away with your head held high."

Silence engulfed them as the blonde weighed the pros and cons of returning home after such a fight with Mamoru. After a while she smiled grimly and asked, "So does everyone know?"

Makoto nodded. "You can't hide anything from us, Usagi-chan. Every feeling you've ever had has always been written on your face."

Usagi snorted. "This day has been complete shit. My husband and I got into the first fight we've had since we married, my best friend is _not _pretending to _not_ hate my employee and my whole staff has known about my failing marriage. What the hell? Might as well go back for more."

* * *

The house was dark. For some reason, that comforted her. 

When she pulled into the driveway, she couldn't see if Mamoru's car was in the garage because the door was down, so she silently prayed for courage as she unlocked the door and entered the house.

She made no move to turn the lights on, just creeped up the stairs slowly, so as not to disturb the peace that had settled while she was gone. The door to their room was closed, so she knocked lightly. No answer.

"Mamoru-san, are you--"

Usagi opened the door, turned on the light and cut her question off. No one was there. By her feet was a pillow that belonged on the bed. She picked the fluffy thing up and placed it back where it belonged. As she pulled back she noticed the cordless phone was on the nightstand next to its charger. She picked that up, and was about to set it down, when she impulsively pressed the redial button and waited while the earpiece rang.

"Hello?"

Usagi felt her bones chill. It was the same woman.. the same woman from the hospital! Mamoru called her after she left!

"Hello? Hello?"

The voice snapped her out of her reverie and she realized she was gripping the phone so tight her knuckles were turning white. "Sorry, wrong number," she said and hung up.

Mamoru was gone, and now she knew where he was.

She sank onto the bed, sticking the cordless in the charger, and tried not to think. But she kept coming back to the thought that haunted her the most. It didn't matter if she threatened to leave or not, Mamoru was always the one who went.

* * *

**End Part Six.**

* * *

( I hope you have found peace. ) 


	7. part seven

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank:** Everyone who left reviews on the last chapter, especially those who read my note and sent their condolences. Eva C, svgurl410, tokyohawkgirl, anokas2757, midnightgale, blonde-gal, mystic soilder, rosebudjamie, Kana07, Alex, norma, Mistoflees, Eva, Princess-Anime, silvermoon8573, MayPenguin, serenity11287, Lucie, a.k.a ettie, skye668, Champion of Justice, Grand Phoenix, Jingy5, sousie, Lady Serpentina, Cute Tenshi, LauraDrazen, Moonlight Usagi-chan, Nana onix, pinkcar, raye85, hit60, Lucy Lady, xBRiTTANYNiCOLE, Sam, Oyuky, CerridwenStorms, Poeta, lil miss child, Rory, kireisnowtenshi, Dudly, usagi-chan, PrincessSolaria, glazya yuy, Uhamilton and neo dreamer. I wasn't able to respond to you guys personally, but you know I love and appreciate hearing from you.

**Author's Notes: **None for today.

* * *

**Part Seven. Good Luck.**

* * *

Usagi fell back onto her office couch, watching as the suede clung and contoured to fit her body, and in an all-too-familiar habit brought a hand to her forehead. She felt like it was swelling with tears and splitting with a headache, but she didn't dare make a sound. 

A whole week had passed, and she was nowhere close to confronting Mamoru. Why? Because he seemed to fall off the face of the planet. He was never home, the only clue she had that he still lived there was his growing pile of laundry in the basement. Clothes, she came to realize, that smelled like fresh sex. She balled her hands into fists, feeling her nails dig deep into her palms. _'That fucking bastard. I leave for like forty minutes and he's back to screwing around.'_

Since the night she solemnly returned home he'd disappeared. Worse, she knew where he was. He was with that woman, the same damn woman from the hospital. And since it was evident that he didn't even sleep in their bed anymore, she concluded that he spent half his day at the hospital and the other half at that woman's house. In her bed, _with_ her. Usagi winced, causing her to squeeze her fingers harder. She could practically feel her nails drawing blood, but she didn't care. Nothing hurt more than being Mamoru's plaything-of-a-wife, put on the back burner until he needed an appropriate escort for one of his damn social events.

Usagi scoffed. _'No,' _she corrected herself,_ 'I mean more to him than that. I also do his laundry. Clean up after his sexcapades. Destroy the _fucking _evidence.'_

Like an overwhelmed dam her skin tore, warm liquid trickling over the surface. She pulled back, staring at the bloodied mess that was her right hand. She didn't cry out, she didn't register the pain. Calmly she strolled over to her desk, pulled out a first aid kit and methodically began taking care of her wound. So focused on her cut, she didn't hear Makoto knock or come in.

"Usagi-chan!" she exclaimed, "What on earth happened?"

Usagi cut her a look that kept her standing by the door. "Accident," she mumbled, securing a wrap around her hand. She lifted her head once again, jutting her chin out in a rebellious fashion. Daring Makoto to contradict her.

Makoto didn't take the bait. She merely asked, "Do you have plans later tonight? I mean, since today's.. you know.."

Usagi bit on her lip so she wouldn't bark at her chef for caring. She should feel flattered that Makoto would want to spend time with her. Only in her eyes, Makoto just felt sorry for her, along with the rest of her staff who were watching her try to survive this week with pitying eyes. "No," she said, forcing some finality on the matter. Her decision was made. Today was just a day, one that would go down in the books as "Another Day That Sucked This Year".

"Okay," Makoto said gently, which only served to piss Usagi off more. She hated feeling babied by Makoto. That was, after all, the first thing Mamoru did to her before going out and sleeping around.

Usagi's _new _cell phone belted out a tune, and she picked it up to turn the alarm she set on it off. Forcing a smile on her face she looked at her friend. "I'd better get going. Don't want to keep Kiyoshi-san waiting."

Makoto watched her pick up her duffel and leave, shaking her head in her employer's absence. Usagi was slowly driving herself into the ground. When she came back to the restaurant the day after she'd walked out on Mamoru she had this steely determination in her eyes. She saw it for what it was, all hurt and no closure. Too bad Usagi didn't see it in herself.

Since then she'd become obsessed with working and working out. She came in to work from eight to ten at night, went home and slept for six hours before waking up for a morning jog that lasted from four to five in the morning. After a "quick breakfast" she packed and went to Anytime Zen, practicing with Kiyoshi until eight. Then she showed up at the restaurant and locked herself up in the office until she worked on the floor at noon.

At first she told Makoto what she was doing, but eventually, Makoto saw it on her own. In just seven days Usagi had dropped four pounds, and with her height, every lost pound showed. She wished she could credit it all to her aforementioned daily routine, but Usagi looked more bony than muscular, more tired than refreshed. On instinct she walked behind the blonde's desk and sighed when she spotted her trash can. It was filled with all the lunches and dinners she'd brought to her while she cooped herself up in the office.

"Usagi-chan.."

* * *

Usagi closed her eyes, letting the music seep into her. She waited in anticipation, for the touch that would ignite her, bring her to life. When she thought she would burst, a hand brushed her arm, circled around her back and claimed her left hand. Then like magic, she was spinning into the arms of Kiyoshi. 

She opened her eyes, the routine burned into each blue sphere, and she sidestepped him, making him chase her movements until he caught her. In one glorious tug he brought her back to him, chests pressing, hips grinding, legs entertwining like tree branches. She put all she had into the dance, but not even her tempered focus could stop Kiyoshi from a misstep that broke the chain of choreography. Suddenly, they were two separate people again, and she was smacking the floor with her butt.

She grinned despite the jolt to her tailbone, but Kiyoshi didn't return the smile. "Are you all right?" he asked, helping her back up. She nodded. Without warning, her stomach tightened in a desperate-for-food kind of way that made her gasp for a brief second. He eyed her suspiciously. "What was that?"

"Nothing," she said, maintaining the same plastic smile. "Want to start from the top?"

Kiyoshi shook his head. "Let's take a break."

She crossed her arms. "From the top," she said, enunciating each word.

Kiyoshi mirrored her stance, showing her he was not backing down. "Take a break," he said. When she didn't flinch he added, "You can't really dance without a partner, so just relax for five minutes."

Usagi relented, following him to the side bench where their duffels rested. Kiyoshi pulled two water bottles out of his bag and offered one to her. She took it, mumbling a half-assed, "Thank you."

Amusement danced in Kiyoshi's warm brown eyes. "You couldn't have sounded more convincing."

She feigned nonchalance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He smirked. "Getting a little better."

She made a face. "If you want to talk about getting better, how about working on your footwork?"

"How about working on your anger?" he shot back. "That kind of pissed-off focus makes it hard for me to penetrate through. And you should know better than anyone what salsa should be. Electric, not caustic. Passionate, not angry. Just like sex."

Despite knowing how dangerous the conversation was getting, Usagi had to grin. "Personally, I'm better at angry sex."

Immediately she regretted saying that and cupped a hand over her mouth. Kiyoshi worked with Mamoru and Mamoru had a reputation at the hospital to uphold. She didn't really know if she could trust him if anything slipped out of her caustic mouth.

She also wanted to believe that he was as superficial as the rest of the hospital staff saw him. Young, inexperienced on the job and with a weak spot for the ladies. Usagi snorted. Then again, it was men like Mamoru, who were thought of as rich, successful and happily married that said things like that about him. Well, hell, given that Mamoru was with a woman who didn't rat him out after learning about his three mistresses, she just bet that he was happily married.

Usagi shook her head. Whatever she thought of Mamoru she shouldn't say, especially not to one of his colleagues. "Sorry," she said with a half-laugh, "Don't know where that came from."

Kiyoshi looked at her carefully, his brown eyes not missing a beat. "Well unfortunately, I do."

Usagi wilted. She'd have to be an idiot to not know what he meant. Which meant she didn't have to pretend that she didn't mean what she said. The thought of Mamoru prancing around the hospital, showing his mistress off in front of everyone was enough to bring tears to her eyes. "Kiyoshi," she said, dropping all formalities, "Who is she?"

The brunette looked like he wanted to change the subject, but the longer he watched her face, the more he couldn't avoid answering. Usagi's chest constricted in anticipation, waiting to know. She had to know. He must have seen that exact feeling in her eyes, for he finally said, "Her name is Mizuno Ami. She works in the rehabilitation clinic."

Usagi unlocked her jaw, taking the news in. "She's a doctor. The one with blue hair," she said, remembering that she met her almost a year ago at a fundraising dinner for amputated children.

"Yes."

She thought that she had been through everything, that nothing could surprise her any more, but this did. The night she met Ami the doctor had finished giving a speech about how amputees could benefit from new research and better equipment, if only Tokyo General had the proper funding. It moved Usagi to donate money even though Mamoru said she didn't have to. Ami was serious, intelligent. It was hard to picture her as the giggling woman she almost walked in on, the woman Mamoru was with. The mere thought chilled her stomach, and again she clutched at her midsection. Kiyoshi moved to help her but she waved him away, determined to ask him one thing. "When.. did you see them?"

Kiyoshi blinked once, twice. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Please just answer the question."

"Usagi," Kiyoshi growled, "I want to know if you ate anything today."

"Well I need to know the truth!" Usagi exclaimed. "When did you see them, Kiyoshi? Does everyone at that damn hospital know? Does he feel _any_ kind of shame?"

Kiyoshi grabbed her, held her close and so tenderly that Usagi couldn't hold back the tears anymore. When he saw that he kept holding her and said, "Don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll tell you, even though it'll make things worse."

Slowly, Usagi was able to gain control of her emotions, even though it sliced at her that Kiyoshi would say such kind things when Mamoru didn't.

"It was an accident. I was delivering an MRI scan to Doctor Mizuno's office. When I rounded the corner I saw them. He was just leaving her office. They didn't see me, didn't think anyone was around--"

"Of course," Usagi interrupted softly, "That makes it all right, doesn't it?"

"There's nothing right about it," came his response.

Eventually, Kiyoshi let go of Usagi and stepped back, examining her. "Will you tell me what I want to know?"

Usagi nodded. "I don't remember the last thing I ate. Or when."

"Then let's go get some breakfast."

* * *

Mamoru slammed the phone down on the receiver, feeling only a little bad for being so violent with Ami's phone. He couldn't help it. Usagi wasn't home or at work. She was nowhere to be found. 

Ami rushed into the room. "What happened?" she asked. She sounded worried, breathless, like she dropped whatever she was doing and sprinted to find him.

Mamoru wanted to feel guilty. He was, after all, using his smitten mistress's phone to call his wife, whom he claimed to be leaving. The geniune concern for him written on her face should have made him feel guilty, but he was too frustrated with the fact that Usagi could not be reached. No one answered the phone at home during the day and he was notified via e-mail that Usagi deactivated her cell phone from their plan. And he was making a damn fool of himself calling her work number and being rerouted to Kino Makoto every time he called. He couldn't reach her to tell her he was leaving and today, he couldn't even tell her happy--

"Mamo-chan," Ami asked again, coming closer, "Did you hear me? What's wrong?"

"I can't find her."

She looked clueless. "Who?"

"Usako," he murmured, and realized what he said.

Ami recoiled from him, surprised. Hurt. "Why?"

Mamoru ran a hand through his hair. Why _did _he want to find her? To see her? To touch her? To try and talk to her like he should have in the first place? She had every right to be angry with him. He was the one who forced her to leave the house that night and yet, she still did his laundry when he was gone. He wasn't being fair, to Ami, Usagi or himself.

It hit him then like bright light against a crystal clear prism. Avoiding Usagi, going without her for this long, was driving him to insanity. It didn't matter why. He had to see her.

Ami stared at him with a million questions in her eyes. The one she said aloud was, "Are you going to tell her you're leaving her?"

Mamoru blinked twice and looked away. "I don't think so."

He couldn't see exactly what she was doing but it sounded like she covered her mouth before a gasp could escape.

He heaved a sigh, running his hand through his hair again. "Look, I have nine consultations and a spinal tap waiting for me at work. I'll figure out what I'm going to do after that."

Ami was quiet for a long time. Slowly, she asked, "Should I make dinner for two tonight?"

Mamoru looked at her then, saw how asking him if he was going to come back to her was giving her chest pains that had nothing to do with her physical state of being. He stared into her eyes, forced his jaw to unlock and said, "No."

* * *

Usagi decided to park in the underground lot behind the restaurant. She didn't want Rei, or Mamoru if he actually cared, to see that she was there. The last thing she wanted was to get upset again. 

Her cell phone rang just as she turned her car off. "Hello?"

"Are you at work?"

Usagi laughed at the sound of Kiyoshi's voice. "Yes, I just parked my car. I didn't know I was supposed to report _that _to you," she said with a mocking tone. She climbed out of the car, slammed the door and locked it with her remote so that he could hear the alarm beep.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay one last time," he said, "And to remind you to eat whatever your chef makes you, whenever she makes it for you."

Again Usagi laughed, nearing the parking lot exit to a set of stairs that would lead her to the Black Rose. "Yes, sir."

Kiyoshi hmph'd, which made her laugh more as she climbed up the first few steps.

"Thanks a lot," she said once she sobered, "It's nice to know someone cares.."

Usagi paused when she thought she heard something drop from behind her. She turned around, but she couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. "Is that all the praise you're going to give me?" Kiyoshi asked, snapping her out of her reverie. She turned, ready to respond when something hit her like a brick wall, sending her tumbling backward down the stairs.

* * *

The phone was ringing again. 

"Argh!" Makoto yelled, frustrated, yet the phone continued to blare through the kitchen. She called for her sous chef to take over the plate she was working on so she could answer the call. "This damn phone!" she cursed and picked it up, praying that it wasn't Mamoru again. The only thing worse than getting a call during a morning rush was getting one from Usagi's husband.

"Good morning and thank you for calling the Black Rose, how may I help you?" she said with as pleasant a voice as she could muster.

"Is this Kino-san?" a male voice asked.

Relieved that it wasn't Mamoru, Makoto cleared her throat. "It is. What can I do for you?"

"I was just on the phone with Usagi, but all of a sudden her phone made this weird cackling noise and broke our connection. I have a feeling something bad happened to her."

Makoto didn't bother asking his name, only asked, "Where was Usagi-chan when you were talking to her?"

"She was just getting out of her car and walking to the restaurant."

"Okay," Makoto said, studying the caller ID screen, "I'll call you back at this number as soon as I find her."

"Wait--"

Makoto felt bad for hanging up on the man since he sounded so concerned, but she felt even worse about what could have happened. Usagi was just coming into work, nothing extreme should have happened between then and now. Even so, she called to Yuuichirou before he could bus a table. Quickly, she explained the conversation between herself and the man.

"What do you think happened?" Yuuichirou asked.

"No clue," she answered, "Maybe she fainted from exhaustion. Or hunger. All I know is that we need to find her."

"I'll check outside," he volunteered and disappeared from sight.

Makoto paced back to the office and opened the door slowly. "Usagi-chan?" she called out, but no one was there. She walked around the kitchen and was about to head out to the floor when Yuuichirou burst through the door."Call 911," he said frantic and breathless, "Usagi-chan's unconscious."

* * *

**End Part Seven.**

* * *

( Uh oh. ) 


	8. part eight

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank:** I wasn't able to respond to you guys personally, but you know I love and appreciate hearing from you. Thanks to svgurl410, rosebudjamie, midnightgale, Eva, neo dreamer, couturedawl, lil miss child, ally0212, Heraldo, serenity11287, Kana07, Serenity Komoshiro, mm, Lady Serpentina, Moonlight Usagi-chan, silvermoon8573, J x Legacy, Jingy5, Eva C, pinkcar, raye85, sousie, SmTwilight, Sakura, Screeching Twilght, anon, skye668, starangel07, PurpleRose44, serenitylovers, midnight blue08, WellITriedSoManyOptions., sailormoon-is-eternal, Meeh-san, starry3y3dangel, I.V.I.E., K.Ly, PriestessHelene, Glazya Yuy, Maralinn, PhantasyDreamer, emma, a.k.a ettie, Jinyo, Leni, Purified Darkness.

**Author's Notes: **None for today.

* * *

**Part Eight. Good Start.**

* * *

Panting, she slammed the door behind her and pressed her back up against it like she had just run away from the scene of a crime. This caused the blonde sitting on the couch to look up from the football game that was on TV and ask, "What happened to you?" Realizing she must've looked like she had committed some sort of sin, she pasted a delicate smile on her face as she tried to figure that out for herself. 

She honestly didn't know what happened. She just wanted to tell Usagi exactly what kind of man she was married to, how dishonest and disloyal he really was. She wanted Usagi to realize how blind she was. It wasn't to hurt her necessarily, but she wanted the truth to come out, for Usagi to have a chance to take a look at her marriage and choose to either stay with that adulterous bastard or leave.

That didn't happen. Before she even got the chance to tell her--

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" the blonde asked, interrupting her thoughts.

She stepped away from the door and shook her head, her wavy hair spilling all around her face. "Nothing's the matter," she said, "I need to go to the bathrom." With that, she strutted straight for the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

She flipped the toilet cover down and took a seat and looked down. Her hands were actually shaking. Never in her life had she been this scared. It was like she was running away from a personal demon that was out for her blood and hers only. She felt terrible, guilty, like she should have done something. She _should_ have. Asked if she was all right, checked for a pulse and if she was conscious. At least have called an ambulance.

She hadn't done any of those things. No, like an idiot, she turned and ran. She _ran_, something she personally believed only cowards would do in a panic. Too scared to help another woman when she was hurt.

A soft knock came from the door, but she ignored it.

"Michiru," the blonde said, opening the door. "Are you all right?"

She stared at her in despair, as if those words were too kind for the kind of person she acted like today. There were a million things she wanted to say all at once, but she finally chewed out, "Am I a bad person, Haruka?" The blonde said nothing, just gave a kind of quizzical look, so she continued. "I feel like my hands are dirty, like I don't have a guilty conscience anymore. That I would sacrifice anything.. anyone.. for you and I."

Haruka blinked once, stepped into the bathroom and leaned back against the bathroom counter, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her pleated khakis. With a patient tone, she asked, "Why don't you tell me what this is about?"

"I went to see Chiba Usagi, to tell her about Mamoru-san."

Haruka's face hardened. "And what did she say?"

Michiru flinched. They had been through the same argument a hundred times. Haruka didn't want Michiru to confront Usagi and tell her about Mamoru's affair. It would bother Usagi, the blonde claimed, but Michiru knew it also bothered her. After all, it wasn't like they had to use Mamoru as their sperm donor candidate. The two had decided to go to the clinic even before he came into the picture. It was because of his willingness that Michiru took advantage.

Michiru should've ended it when she found out he was married. And after that she should've ended it when she realized he was being unfaithful not only with her but with other women. However, Haruka was the one that said no, said that Michiru should finish what she'd started. She would have, too, if not for Mamoru putting an abrupt halt to their plan.

She was angry, but she was also hurt. Hurt that she had sacrificed her body in the hopes of sharing a child with Haruka. There were other alternatives, of course, ones that probably wouldn't have hurt so many people in the process, but Michiru had been too blinded by her dream that the means were just that, the means..

Once Mamoru announced it was over, Michiru couldn't get over it. She couldn't stand the fact that he could have his cake and eat it, too. She wanted him to feel the same utter despair, a dream smashed into microscopic bits.

Haruka's hand on her shoulder brought her back. "Michiru? What did she say?"

Michiru paused. "Nothing. I didn't talk to her."

She could tell Haruka was skeptical, but remained quiet so that should could explain. "I'd just parked my car when I saw her get out of hers. She was on her cell phone, talking to Mamoru-san, I think. I followed her all the way to the stairs when I.." Michiru closed her eyes. "I just lost it. I couldn't tell her, I couldn't ruin her happiness.."

"Then what happened?"

"I think she heard me, because she turned around. I scooted back so she couldn't see me, and when I thought the coast was clear I turned to leave and.."

"And..?"

Michiru's eyes opened, revealing just how disturbed she really was. "I saw a woman knock her down the stairs."

Haruka's eyes widened in shock. "You what?"

"It was an accident!" Michiru bit out, followed by an uncertain, "I think." Quickly, she buried her head in her hands. "It happend too fast. One second she was turning around, the next she was falling. And the woman at the top of the stairs.. She was frightened."

Haruka took Michiru's hands into her own. "Michiru, you didn't leave her, did you? You didn't just run back here without helping her, or making sure she was okay.. right?"

Michiru's eyes watered as she shook her head. "I didn't."

Haruka didn't say anything. A full minute that could've easily passed as forever, and she was still quiet. Michiru turned, cringing.

"Who was she?" Haruka asked.

Michiru had a second to wonder why the blonde asked that of all things. "I might have seen her before. I just can't place a name with her face."

Sound was lost for a long minute. Finally, Michiru felt, rather than saw, Haruka squeeze her hand. "Promise me," the blonde breathed, "you will never go see the Chiba's. Ever."

Michiru nodded, not quite relieved. Haruka may be taking what she did well, but she knew that it was only because she'd said Usagi was on the phone when she fell. Haruka must've assumed that the person on the other line would've figured out what happened and called 911, just like her. If not for that, Michiru wasn't sure that Haruka would've still been standing in the bathroom with her. "I promise."

Haruka stared at Michiru, making sure Michiru could see the determination in her eyes. Ever since Chiba Mamoru slipped into their lives, Michiru had become desperate, a woman groping for the possibility of a child for the both of them. She had her ups and downs, turning sweet and bitter almost in the same breath. She had been reduced to a shameless beggar and Haruka couldn't just tell her to give up. Michiru was trying to follow through for the both of them. The blow of Haruka's sister's early death brought about the insane urgency to have a child, had softened Haruka's heart when she wanted to feel betrayed by Michiru's ambitions.

They went too far. Haruka knew it. This was just more proof of that fact, that Michiru would walk away from an injured person over some sort of subconscious need for revenge against her husband. Again Haruka squeezed Michiru's slender hand. "Please do this for me. I don't want to become them."

Haruka was relieved to see that Michiru's eyes shone in agreement.

* * *

Rei smiled sheepishly as she stood and excused herself from the room. Once the door closed the smile was gone and she was picking up the cell phone that so rudely wouldn't shut up. 

There was no "hello" or any sort of proper greeting on her part, only, "Yuuichirou, I told you I was going to be in a settlement meeting with a client today!"

She was steamed. Her client's husband was showing the beginnings of defeat. She was so sure he was about to crack when her cell phone blasted Yuuichirou's personal song in her pocket. She smiled then, digging into her pocket with one hand and pressing the ignore button, thinking he'd get it, but he was too damn persistent. He called three more times and by then, everyone was on edge again.

Rei's blood simmered and she heaved a sigh in an effort to cool it. "We were so close to getting the penthouse in Osaka--"

"Usagi-chan's at Tokyo International, Rei, she fell down the--"

Rei snapped the phone shut and turned back. Only when she reached the door back to the room where her client was waiting for her, she breezed past and kept down the hall. As she started to pick up speed, she flipped her phone open again and used speed dial number three. "Yes, Naru-chan? Tell Tomoe-san that I had a family emergency and cancel my two o'clock. I've got to find my best friend.."

* * *

Kiyoshi turned his pager off and stepped into the hallway to meet the radiologist assistant who'd just beeped him. The assistant asked him to be ready to receive a patient that had been brought in via ambulance. He really didn't want to respond since he was waiting for Makoto to call him back with an update on Usagi, but he was at work and incoming patients were his priority. 

He tried to tell himself that Usagi was okay, that maybe she dropped her cell phone and Makoto found her trying to put it back together as he reached the elevator. But he couldn't shake this feeling that something terrible happened to her. Like clockwork, the elevator bell chimed and open its doors to reveal his huffing assistant. He looked behind her and didn't see anyone laying on a gurney, just a bunch of impatient doctors, nurses and visitors waiting for her to get out. "Where's our patient?" he asked.

"In the next elevator," she said, indicating the doors on the right of the ones she just stepped out of. She thrust a medical chart at him and he immediately began to flip through pages as they stood and waited. "Okay, what have we got?"

"Patient collapsed down a set of stairs, experienced head trauma and a dislocated arm. There are bruises along her side that we've got to check for internal bleeding. It's unlikely, but we need to know quickly so we can find out if we need to recommend an operation, and she needs some stitches on her head."

Kiyoshi didn't catch most of what his assistant said. Once the elevator doors dinged open and spat the gurney holding their patient out, his mind had locked in on Usagi and Usagi only. Lying there on her side, blood streaked in her hair and turning it a weird, copper color. She looked pale and unbelievably fragile. Once his assistant was done talking, he rushed to her side.

"Kiyoshi.." she mumbled, taking his hand.

"Shh," he said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, "it's okay Usagi. We're going to scan you for bone fractures or any other abnormalities."

Usagi groaned as Kiyoshi's assistant took over wheeling her to the imaging room. "What happened?"

Kiyoshi shook his head, anger burning in his mind with every step. "I don't know."

* * *

Mamoru's palms were actually sweating as he reached the front door of the Black Rose. It wasn't because he was nervous about seeing Usagi. It was about what he was going to say when he saw her angelic face, her beautiful blue eyes filled with a hatred burning solely for him. He was nervous that when he finally laid eyes on her, every word, ever carefully rehearsed apology would fly out of his head and he would say something that would ignite another fight. 

_'No,'_ he told himself as he stepped in and walked down the hallway. _'Just find Usako. Say sorry. Just say it, before anything else.' _Mind made up, he put more of a decisive sway in his step as he rounded the corner.. and almost jumped back when he almost walked into a woman he was quite familiar with.

"Reika," he said, clearly surprised, "What are you doing here?"

She bit her lip, and Mamoru noticed that she was paler than the moon. "I.. I wanted to see Usagi," she stammered, "I wanted to wish you two a happy anniversary."

Mamoru bit back a sarcastic remark. After all, they were standing in Usagi's restaurant, where all of her regular customers were. It wouldn't do to tell Reika that as his ex-mistress she shouldn't be here. She looked nervous enough anyway, so he made an acknowledging smirk. "Thanks--"

"Mamoru," she interrupted, her voice quivering, "I have to tell you something. I--"

Reika's voice faltered, her eyes widening and her mouth open in a gasp. Mamoru had no idea what was behind him until he turned around and Makoto laid eyes on him. There was a hatred toward him so strong he almost cringed. She strolled toward him, she looked like she was going to punch the daylights out of him, and he had to force himself not to step back. Heavens, the woman was intimidating..

"Makoto-san," he began, clearing his roughened throat, "Is Usako busy?"

"She's not here," Makoto and Reika said at the same time.

Makoto's eyes narrowed dangerously. Mamoru looked from the brunette to the redhead. "What do you mean? How do you know, Reika-san?"

When his questions weren't answered immediately, his eyes flung back and forth between the women. "What's going on?" he demanded angrily. "Where the hell's Usako?"

Something in Makoto broke like an overflooded dam. "Usagi-chan's in the hospital, why the hell don't you know that?!"

* * *

Usagi tried not to fidget as one of the interns finished checking to make sure her pupils were dilating properly. "I'm all right, aren't I?" she asked. 

"So far everything looks fine, but we'll have to wait until your head x-rays come in."

"I feel fine," she pointed out. She looked up to try and catch the intern's eyes, but this one was tough. She wouldn't be swayed by the typical determined gaze.

"Chiba-san, I know you know how important it is not to base your physical state of being on self-diagnosis. You took a nasty fall down the stairs. You were found with a pool of blood around your head and your arms."

Usagi wanted to huff at that doctor's attitude she recognized all too well. "Look, you've already got my arm in a sling, and I've got plenty of stitches in my head. I think we should call it a day."

The intern didn't respond. Usagi crossed her arms, silently cursing Mamoru for all of this extra attention. If he weren't such a big deal at the hospital, she would've been checked out by now, she was sure.

The sound of a soft chuckle had her craning her neck to see Kiyoshi come in. "Just ignore her. She's not used to civil talk anymore."

"I can tell."

"I wasn't telling you that," Kiyoshi corrected, nodding to the intern, "I was giving Miyu-san a proper warning about you."

Usagi glared. "I wish someone would've warned me about you."

Kiyoshi just laughed in practical agreement. Usagi waited until the intern left and snapped, "Thanks for laughing, Kiyoshi."

He gave her a stern look. "Believe me, I'm only laughing now because you're off that gurney."

Usagi's eyes softened, but she still narrowed them. "This is bullshit. There are people with more serious injuries than mine and here I am being poked and prodded fifteen times over!"

Kiyoshi pulled away from the gash he was inspecting on her head. "In case you've forgotten, you took a less-than-graceful tumble down the stairs. Fourteen steps in total, according to the report--"

"Yes and I'm conscious and responsive. Something my pupils have already attested to--"

"Don't self-diagnose," Kiyoshi said, "That's what I'm here for."

Usagi crossed the arm that was still working properly. "And I thought you were here for support."

"That, too."

* * *

Mamoru flew through the hospital doors and rushed to the front desk looking like he'd gone stark raving mad. "Hello--" 

"My wife, Chiba Usagi," he choked out, "Is she here?"

His nerves felt frayed all over, and the agitation only grew at the sight of the receptionist calmly typing away at her keyboard. Before he could actually lose it, she said, "Yes, she's in the emergency ward, but I don't know if she's in the triage or majors area."

He was gone before she finished the sentence. But that brief moment of conversation took the adrenaline rush down a notch. Once again, Mamoru was able to think clearly without feeling the need to spring into action. An intern came out of the first entrance in the emergency ward and gave him a half-smile. He did his best to give her the same relaxed albeit weary smile. Seeing her seemed to be just what he needed, for the doctor-calmness washed over him until he was walking at a brisk pace instead of bolting down the halls.

Maybe the thought that Usagi was still in the emnergency department was what made his pulse slow down. If she'd had a serious injury or worse, she would've been in the OR. Mamoru prayed his trail of thought was correct just as he heard a familiar voice.

"This is bullshit. There are people with more serious injuries than mine and here I am being poked and prodded fifteen times over!"

"In case you've forgotten, you took a less-than-graceful tumble down the stairs. Fourteen steps in total, according to the report--"

"Yes and I'm conscious and responsive. Something my pupils have already attested to--"

"Don't self-diagnose. That's what I'm here for."

"And I thought you were here for support."

"That, too."

Mamoru froze once his brain finally recognized the voice that didn't belong to his wife. He stuck his head just barely around the door frame to confirm it with his own eyes. _'Hamada Kiyoshi.. You bastard!'_

But before he could stomp in there and tell that flirtatious gigolo to get his hands off of his wife, Usagi grabbed Kiyoshi's wrist. Something petty stabbed Mamoru at the small gesture. He couldn't remember the last time his wife reached for him. "You should clear me right now," Usagi said. "I have a restaurant to run and we are still meeting tonight."

Rage hit him in shockwaves. He almost demanded she explain what that meant but kept silent.

Kiyoshi shook his head. "You are out of your mind if you think you can go back to work."

Usagi smiled, so sweet and genuine. It was like acid in Mamoru's stomach. "Luckily, I'm insane."

"I'm not going to clear you if you plan on going back to work," he warned. "What you need is rest, food and more rest."

"Not an option," Usagi said. "My schedule at the restaurant's too busy. You should feel lucky that I even made time for salsa."

Mamoru's shoulders tightened. The conversation was starting to make sense to him. Usagi may have admitted that she and Kiyoshi hadn't sleep together, but he had been her dance partner, probably at that gym she'd just joined. And judging by the way she hadn't let go of his wrist he was forced to conclude that they had gotten close. Really close.

Kiyoshi looked like he was about to protest, but Usagi added, "I was fine before this and I'll be fine if I can just get out of here."

"Usagi," Kiyoshi said, and Mamoru had a second to be surprised at the intimate way he said her name, "You don't fool me. It's bad enough that you're starving yourself, but now you've got a dislocated shoulder and a stitched-up head to top it off. You need to take it easy."

"Don't think you can force me to do anything, Kiyoshi," Usagi spat, "Like my husband, you're not my keeper."

Mamoru's hands balled into fists at his wife's words. They made him wonder how much she confided in Kiyoshi or if she was always that openly expressive about their marriage.

Kiyoshi shook his head. "We're not having a discussion about your husband. I was merely giving you a suggestion since I'm concerned." Usagi's shoulders slumped in visible relief and she finally let go of the brunette. "Now," he said, free to pull what Mamoru could only assume were his wife's x-rays for examination, "Let's talk about your condition."

"Condition?"

Usagi and Kiyoshi turned to face him, making him realize that choked response had come from him.

Mamoru looked from Kiyoshi's recovering face to the blonde's shocked one and stopped. He had to admit, Usagi looked like hell. She had a bandage clinging to her hair to cover the stitches on the back of her head, a bruise stretched out across her right cheek bone and her right arm in a sling. But worse yet were her sunken eyes, the way her usually soft hair was dull and flat and, like her skin, had lost its glow. Even sitting down he could see Kiyoshi was right, that she was starving herself. The clothes that used to fit just right were just a little too loose.

Actual fear chilled Mamoru's stomach. What was she doing to herself this past week? She looked tired, exhausted, pale and malnourished. And if Kiyoshi was saying something about a condition.. could she be pregnant?

Kiyoshi must've read the question on his face because he said, "Ah, Chiba-san. You've arrived just in time to hear all about your wife's concussion."

Mamoru let the breath he was holding out before stepping into the room. He didn't like Kiyoshi's tone, he almost sounded resentful toward him, but he was more concerned about Usagi than the radiologist. "What happened?"

For the next two minutes Kiyoshi briefed him on what happened, adding to what Mamoru had already overheard. Usagi remained silent, her body language making it obvious that she wasn't happy he was there. When he finished, Kiyoshi revealed the x-rays and the two men took a look.

"There's nothing wrong," Usagi said with just enough tone in her voice to make it sound like a question.

Mamoru opened his mouth to speak, but Kiyoshi beat him to it. "No," the brunette agreed, "You can go home and rest."

Mamoru tried not to flinch at how natural it was for Kiyoshi to answer her as if she had been talking to him. The protective part of him wanted to show Kiyoshi and Usagi both that _he_ was her husband, but with Usagi still beyond upset with him he decided the last thing he should do was get all male on her.

He looked at her again and his eyes fractionally softened. Usagi didn't look weak; she looked defeated. Like somehow she knew that she was going to have to talk to him whether she liked it or not. The fact that she felt she had no choice didn't disturb him, at least she would talk to him. She squirmed under his gaze and so he turned to Kiyoshi. "May I speak with my wife in private?" he asked gently.

For some reason he though Kiyoshi would adamantly refuse to leave Usagi's side, but he just nodded and stepped out of the room. Mamoru saw him give her a sympathetic look while she returned a betrayed one of her own before moving closer to her.

A long moment passed between them, filled with the memory of the last time they'd seen each other, the words they tossed and the hurt and anger. Usagi shifted uncomfortably, then shook her head and looked at him. Into his eyes. He had to suppress a shudder. No matter what he thought he could hide or shield from everyone else, when Usagi looked at him he felt like she could see his soul. "I went to the Black Rose," he said, trying to distract her with words.

She held his eyes for a second longer. "I don't know why," she suddenly said.

"Guilt," he said before he could stop himself. He almost regretted it when her eyes widened, and something beautiful sparked in her eyes. "Usako, we can't leave things the way they are. Sorry might not fix everything between us, but I don't want to give up."

He noticed that her hands had clenched into fists and decided to wait until she said something. Anything.

"It's not just nostalgia, is it, Mamoru-san?" Usagi asked. If he'd known any better, he would've sworn she called him that just to test his temper. But he wouldn't let her win that easily.

"No," he answered. "I'll admit I wanted to see if you would join me for dinner for our anniversary, but I came here to apologize first and foremost."

It was like he was speaking to her in a different language. She didn't register anything he said, only asked, "Then you'll be okay with me going to the gym?"

Mamoru swallowed, but knew this was his only chance to get her to talk to her. He wasn't going to screw it up, not yet. Once they were talking again he could try and convince her to change her mind about Anytime Zen, but for now he would need to get her to give him the time of day. "Whatever makes you happy. Because you make me happy, Usako. Only you."

That last part was drowned by the sound of Rei's shrill voice as she barged into the room, Kiyoshi and Yuuichirou righht behind her. She practically jumped back in surprise at his presence. He could've strangled her for her interruption but immediately her eyes flew to Usagi and was by her side in less that time.

"Usagi!" Rei exclaimed, trying to hug her without hurting her. "Are you alright?"

Mamoru noticed the strain in Usagi's face that talking to him left once Rei pulled away. That gut-twisting feeling he had when Usagi turned to Kiyoshi returned.

"Yes, I am.. but I thought you were in the middle of a settlement?"

"As if that means I should've abandoned you!" Rei said, aghast.

Usagi gave it some thought. "Did you at least get that penthouse in Osaka?"

"Usagi!" she shouted. "You better tell me what happened or I'll give you a purple nurple!"

"Fine!" Usagi said, almost sounding frightened at the threat. "I parked around the restaurant because I planned on staying until close. I made it to the parking lot stairs while talking to Kiyoshi on my cell phone when I must have lost my balance.." Usagi trailed on, visibly trying to search her memory. "I fell," was the only other thing she could certainly say.

Rei's face turned stone cold. "You're a dancer. You don't fall."

"Not true," Usagi argued and motioned at Kiyoshi. "You should see us during practice."

Kiyoshi shook his head. "I'm the one that always messes up. You have more control, more balance."

Usagi tried to process something. "I'm confused. What are you saying, Rei-chan?"

"Someone pushed her."

Everyone turned to Yuuichirou, who said it so adamantly it put a chill in Mamoru's gut. "How can you be so sure?" he heard himself ask.

"Unless Chiba-san walked into a brick wall, the only way she would've gotten caught off-balance was if someone pushed her."

Usagi was quiet. She obviously didn't know what to think of that, and she didn't remember anything to negate Yuuichirou's suspicion.

Mamoru thought the idea was preposterous himself. Usagi had no enemies. She brought happiness to every person she ever met.

The thought hit him so abruptly he almost staggered. What if this 'accident' wasn't to send a message directly to her? What if it--

"Did you see anyone by the parking lot or outside on the street?" Kiyoshi asked.

Yuuichirou shrugged. "I passed a couple of teenagers, a woman in a trench coat and three or four men, but they all looked like they were minding their own business."

Mamoru turned, knowing he couldn't speak up. There was a woman who was wearing a trench coat, hanging around the Black Rose at about the same time the accident happened. His fists clenched. He knew exactly who it was.

The nerve of her to stay and face him. He would never forgive her.

* * *

**End Part Eight.**

* * *

( The chapter before the shit hits the fan. Can't wait, can ya? ) 


	9. part nine

**Title: **Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank: **rosebudjamie, xSimplicity, twinkle-eyes, Kana07, svgurl410, raye85, Moonlight Usagi-chan, Eva C, Eva, yingfacherryblossom, Jingy5, Heraldo, silvermoon8573, starangel07, serenity11287, midnightgale, Mz.Moonlightshadows, Dudly, jean, neo dreamer, MoonPrincess568, Serenity Komoshiro, hit60, sousie, pinkcar, midnight blue08, supersaiyanx, Star Garden, Crazy Mishka, AnimeHanyou39, Krys7, PriestessHelene, Spriteofice, skye668, serenityang2, storynerd, anna and PhantasyDreamer for the support!

**Author's Notes: **I'm running out of ideas for chapter titles. But if you google this one you'll understand why I chose it.

The long awaited chapter where everything is revealed.. is not this one! Fooled you! I meant to get this one out first, but I wound up telling everyone the Mamoru/Usagi fight was in this chapter. My bad! I've got most of the next chapter up, so be sweet and leave reviews.. this time I am taking flames as well. Bye's!

* * *

**Part Nine. Good Shepherd.**

* * *

"Right," Usagi said into the silence. "Get real, guys. This was an accident." 

"I wouldn't be so sure, Usagi," Rei replied. "You've been up and down that stairs a million times--"

"Yeah," Usagi interrupted, "Well there's a first for everything." When she said that, she glanced at Mamoru. She honestly didn't know why he was there. He said he went to the Black Rose so he must've heard what happened from Makoto, she could believe that. But she knew that when it came to priorities, she came second to work.. and to his other recreational activities. So why was he _there_?

"But--"

"Enough, Rei-chan. Please," she said. "I'm really tired."

"All right," her friend conceded. "Yuuichirou and I will drive you--"

"That won't be necessary," Mamoru interjected. He looked at Usagi as he went on. "I'll be taking my wife home."

Heat fused Usagi's cheeks. The way he said that was utterly possessive. A flare of anger got to her. He was acting downright arrogant. When would he realize that she was not any old piece of property?

Rei looked from Mamoru to her friend. The eyes she gave the blonde promised to fight Mamoru if this wasn't what she wanted. "Usagi?"

Usagi tried to give her best friend a reassuring smile. "I think it's best if I go with Mamoru-san. I need to go home."

With one look Rei understood everything. It wasn't about letting Mamoru have his way. It was about doing what Rei told her to do, face him. Fight him herself, and maybe even leave him, for the right reasons. "All right," she said. "Call if you need anything."

* * *

Usagi slipped into a midnight blue silk dress that complemented both her and Mamoru's eyes. It was a dress that hadn't been worn until that moment, bought on a random shopping spree with Rei. As soon as her dark-haired friend had seen it, she'd thrust it against Usagi's body with a click in her eyes. 

All Usagi could think about was how the dress was strapless, the cowl neckline lower than her usual conservative style. "Rei-chan, I have Mamo-chan's reputation to think about," she'd said.

She could scoff at the way she used to think. As if Mamoru's reputation was the only thing that mattered. _'Well, it doesn't matter anymore, not to me.'_ She adjusted the top underneath her arm sling and stepped away from the closet to her jewelry armoire. _'While I'm not opposed to looking like a slut standing next to him, I'd better not overdo it. The last thing I need is for him to think I tried to look good for him.' _She chose some white gold dangling earrings and, with a little bit of difficulty, put them on.

Mamoru walked in just as she finished putting her strappy shoes on. She straightened and tried not to admire the way his traditional style tuxedo looked perfect on him. Of course, her husband was one of the most handsome men she ever laid eyes on. That's why she was in this horrible situation in the first place. _'Maybe I should've married someone I wouldn't have to constantly compete with other women over.'_

Not noticing her internal conflict, he stepped forward and stared into her face. "You are.. beautiful."

Usagi sniffed indifferently. "You aren't even looking at the dress."

"No," he said, "I'm not."

Usagi flushed, trying to erase his words from her mind. _'He's trying to get back into your good books. Don't let it be easy.' _She mentally shook off the compliment. Stiffly, she said, "Thank you. Are you ready to go?"

Mamoru sighed. "Are you sure you don't want to stay home? I can cook something for us--"

"It's all right," she spoke over him as she grabbed her purse. "You placed those reservations two months in advance. It would be a shame to miss out." _'It might be our last night out, after all..'_

* * *

The drive to the restaurant was done in silence. Usagi supposed it was a calculated move on Mamoru's part, to cast her under the illusion that he was giving her space. The truth was that she felt squeezed in her seat, the need to get out of there so intense that she had to sit on her one free hand to keep herself from doing so. 

She felt as numb as a rock by the time Mamoru pulled up to the front. The valet must've thought she was absolutely ridiculous needing his help to get out of the car. To save her from embarassment Mamoru quickly walked around and took her arm from the young man. "Thank you," he said and walked Usagi into the establishment.

Usagi stared at his arm, acknowledging the contact for what it was. Possession to him. Something in the pit of her stomach uncoiled and she began to panic. The only thing stopping her from losing her cool was the fact that although she was in closer proximity to her husband than she preferred, she was merely hanging on to his sleeve and not bare skin.

As they passed through the door and their coats were taken, a few men and women already seated looked up. Usagi noticed it, couldn't help seeing all the women that were trying to catch a glance at her husband. She moved her head in a casual manner to ignore it and caught a young man giving her a thorough onceover. She turned away to avoid meeting his eyes, but it was too late. It was though Mamoru saw what happened, for she felt his arm tighten fractionally around her hand.

He gave the host his name just as his cell phone went off. "Mamoru-san?" she asked and gave the host a quick glance.

"I know, I know," he murmured, picking the device up and pushing the button that would stop the ringing, "I'm very sorry."

"That's all right, sir," the man said. "If you would just follow me.."

The second they were seated, his cell phone rang again. Usagi forced herself to not roll her eyes. "Maybe it's the hospital."

"They know to call my work cell phone," he said absent-mindedly as he ignored the call. He surprised her by actually shutting the phone off and sticking it somewhere out of place.

Usagi gave him what she hoped was a serious look. "If you need to take the call--"

"Oh, look," Mamoru interrupted, gesturing at her, "You're missing something."

"I am?" Usagi reached for her ears to make sure she didn't forget to put both earrings on. They were intact. She moved to grab her purse.. only to find it replaced with a jewely box. Already opened, it revealed a bracelet made of accented deep blue moonstones in a white gold prong setting.

Usagi blinked once, twice at the beautiful object, shimmering where it lay. There was too much to read into something like this. The moonstone was her birthstone, another thing he remembered despite his lack of caring in other areas of their marriage, and from the dark color she could tell they were the most expensive of moonstones. The bracelet was altogether very expensive, and she had no idea how to react to a gesture that seemed painfully tactful.

Mamoru sensed her reluctance and picked the box up, took the bracelet out and looped it around her wrist. She swallowed thickly as he shut the clasp, but he didn't touch her. He simply let it set on her wrist and went back to looking into her eyes.

Usagi took a shaky breath in. Despite the gesture, despite the intent look in his eyes, she could see right through Mamoru. He was over-compensating with expensive jewelry because he felt guilty. "You shouldn't have," she said without excitement.

"Just because I shouldn't have doesn't mean I won't."

A patch of red appeared on his face. She tried not to focus on it and just nodded, knowing his philosophy all too well. Jewelry was not the only thing he applied it to. Before he could rephrase his wording a man in his later years came to take their order.

"We'll have a bottle of your sweetest wine to start," Mamoru said.

"Vintage?"

"Yes," Mamoru answered. "We would like your best for this special day."

"May I ask what the occasion is?" the waiter asked, curious as he took in their attire.

Usagi glanced at Mamoru, but he didn't look like he was going to answer. "It's our anniversary."

"Oh, congratulations!" he said with a huge smile. "How many years?"

"Four," she replied, her smile nowhere near as big as his.

"If I may ask, madame," he said, "how did you meet?"

Usagi swallowed a lump in her throat. It had been a while, and with everything going on, the things running through her mind, she couldn't come up with anything to say.

"I saw her first," Mamoru supplied out of nowhere. She looked up then, into his face, an ocean of emotion in his eyes. He continued, never taking his eyes off of her. "I was two years into my residency," he explained, "and I was starting to get burned out. So a friend invited me to go see a girl he was dating dance at this event at her university. I decided to go and then.."

Usagi watched the waiter lean over expectantly, enraptured with Mamoru's story. "And then?"

"..And then I saw an angel," Mamoru said at last.

"Beautiful," the waiter said. "She was dancing?"

"Yes," he answered. "She was the lead. I couldn't take my eyes off her. Every move was so.. graceful. So perfect. I remember praying that she wouldn't be the girl Motoki was talking about."

Usagi shook her head. He was trying to kiss up to her in public again. She had to direct the story back to what it was. "Anyway," she said, clearing her throat, "We met and--"

"In fact," Mamoru interrupted as though she hadn't spoken in the first place, "she was friends with the girl Motoki was dating at the time. So we met after the show and her spark, her zest for life saved me. It made me remember why I was doing what I was doing. She was what helped me through the last years of my residency and kickstarted my career. Usako's my drive, my motivation. My muse."

"You are very lucky, madame," the waiter said after he took a moment to observe them. "I do believe that after all this time your husband still has the same eyes for you."

Usagi wanted to shake at that. What he said couldn't have been farther from the truth.

The waiter, mistaking her silence for agreement, said, "I'll place your order with the chef," and left.

That left the two of them there, sitting across from each other, staring. Honestly, Usagi was speechless. Knowing she couldn't find her bearings he folded his hands and rested his head against them, watching her intently. He knew it was making her uncomfortable, unraveling whatever reserve she had.

It wasn't until their wine arrived and they placed their food order that she spoke. "I.." she began, but stopped. For some reason, she couldn't say anything mean. "I didn't think you remembered."

"I remember everything about you," Mamoru said. Slowly, he reached over, ready to place his hand on hers.

Inside she screamed not to cave in and let him touch her. Her conscience was telling her to move her hand, to never let him come that close again. But something else craved for it, craved that chance to touch her husband again. It had been so long--

She jumped at the noise of another cell phone ringing. Heaving a frustrated sigh, she took a sip of wine and watched Mamoru reach into his other pocket to look at his work cell phone. His eyes were unreadable as he ignored the call. She would've asked him what it was had their salads not arrived, allowing the waiter to spend more time chatting simple pleasantries with them.

Eight minutes later, his work cell phone went off again. She reached for her fork, her hands itching to move. "Maybe it's important."

He shut that cell phone off, too. "There are other doctors at the hospital," he grumbled.

"It could be a matter for the chief neurosurgeon to attend to."

"It's not," came the automatic response.

"How do you know that?" Usagi demanded.

Mamoru lifted his head. They stared at each other for a full minute before his pager went off.

"That's it," she said, throwing her napkin on the table, "Tell me what it says or let's go."

Mamoru shook his head. "We're not going anywhere."

"We might just have to, if it's as important as I think it is," Usagi answered. She looked around and noticed that people were starting to look their way. "Answer the pager, Mamoru-san."

Actually obeying, he found his pager, silenced it, and continued to read the message. His stone cold face made Usagi wonder what exactly he was reading. "What does it say?" she finally asked.

"It's nothing," Mamoru said and turned it off.

Usagi pressed a hand to her head. "If you've been contacted on your pager, work cell and personal cell phone, it must be worth following up."

"Usako, we're in the middle of our dinner."

"I know." She crossed her arms. "You should take the call."

"You should give us a chance," Mamoru shot back and physically simmered at the attention they were drawing. "Please," he said in a calmer voice, "I'm starving. I just want to eat with my wife."

Knowing she had to concede, she nodded, and they began to eat their dinner in tense silence. In the middle of their meal Mamoru meekly asked, "How's the restaurant doing?"

"Steady. As usual," she said. "I've noticed you've been busy. Has the workload drastically picked up?"

"I always work overtime," he said blandly.

"Wow," she chewed out, "I didn't know there was a virus spreading. Maybe I should check if my brain's falling out, too."

"That's a terribly vulgar thing to say," he said, his eyes already beginning to narrow.

"Perhaps you should send me to a finishing school for doctor's wives then," Usagi said, "because I'm starting to get really out of hand, aren't I?"

He ignored her taunt. "How's dancing?" he said with as much enthusiasm as he would had he brought up something as inane as the weather.

"Wonderful," Usagi said airily in response to his attitude. "Kiyoshi is a good partner."

Mamoru's jaw clenched so tight a vein popped out of his left temple. "Is he?"

"Yes," she continued. "He's very accommodating, got a great sense of humor.. And the man can move perfectly--"

"He's the only one you dance with?" Mamoru interrupted.

"He's the only one good enough," she corrected, stifling a laugh at his stiffness. "Now what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said. "I just think it's a testiment to a man's morals that he would personally train with another man's wife for a dance that's so intimate."

"I disagree," Usagi said, keeping her voice low even with her nostrils flaring. "Kiyoshi has danced with me but he's never crossed that line. He's well aware that I am the chief neurosurgeon's wife, and he values marriage as much as you do."

She swore his eyes flickered with emotion. Fear. She sat back, relieved. As long as she knew Mamoru felt some degree of fear, she could go through with telling him she knew, and that it was over.

* * *

(**A/N:** I'm going to let Mamoru have a chance at a P.O.V. finally..) 

Mamoru stared at Usagi's wrist and the bracelet he'd recently put on it. He had been so close.. so close to touching that patch of skin. But he knew she would pull away. And with the way he was feeling, more coiled than a spring, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle the rejection.

The message on his pager came to mind. **'Where are you, Mamo-chan? I'm worried. Please call me back. Ami.' **Right then he knew what Ami must've been feeling. That no matter how much she tried, no matter how many times she reached out, he wouldn't respond. He was going through the same thing with Usagi, and the more he tried to push her, the more he felt there was something seriously wrong. There was a resolve in Usagi's blue eyes that scared him. Like she had made some important decision and was sticking to it by coming with him to dinner. He felt so vulnerable, so small, so.. _'Doomed.'_

He mentally shook his head. _'No. Stop thinking like that! Stay positive. You still have a chance. Don't screw it up.'_ He tried not to feel glum. The only way he would screw up is if he kept badmouthing Kiyoshi. For some ungodly reason Usagi valued their friendship. It wouldn't do for him to trash the man.

Usagi had been quiet for a while. Knowing the silence would only stretch on if he didn't speak first, he began. "I'm sorry. I'm being lousy."

She stared at him for a full ten seconds before nodding. "I second that."

Mamoru forced himself to ignore his wife's caustic tone. "Can you blame me? Hamada-san's an attractive man. I'd been hearing stories from the nurses that he's a playboy. And now that I know he's your dance partner--"

"You had a problem with me going to the gym before you knew Kiyoshi was my partner."

He winced at the reminder of their fight more than a week ago. Of how distant and angry Usagi was. Of how desperate he had been. "Yeah, I did. I was afraid you'd run into very attractive men.. which you did."

"So," she said, leaning forward despite the arm sling, "you decided to disguise your fear of me running into the arms of a handsome man by being "angry" with me about not consulting you about my membership."

Of course it was the truth, but why would he admit to it? Then again, she didn't sound it out as a question, so he supposed he didn't have to verbally admit it. "I overreacted."

"Agreed."

"Is there a way to get past that?" he suddenly asked.

Usagi had to stop herself from immediately answering. He had a gut feeling that, had she not, she would've said something that would've given him hope. "Where did you go?"

Mamoru swallowed a lump in his throat. "What?"

"After I left," she said, pausing to clear her throat, "I went to the restaurant to calm down. After some time had passed I decided to go back home and finish our conversation.. but you were gone--"

Usagi's statement morphed into a small yelp as a waiter walked past and accidentally made contact with her arm. Mamoru was immediately at her side, along with the waiter who bumped against her and their personal waiter. "Are you okay?" he asked, checking her arm and shoulder, ignoring the waiters' apologies.

She nodded, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. "The pain just took me by surprise, that's all."

The concern didn't go away once he saw light sweat glistening around her neck. He held her face in his hands and stared into her dulled eyes. "When did you last take your painkillers?"

"I didn't," she said, pausing to take a breath, "I didn't take any."

Mamoru cursed silently. If Usagi hadn't taken anything since they left the hospital, she'd been in pain since they'd gotten home. _'Why would she do that?'_

He might have said that aloud, because she slowly answered, "I knew we'd be drinking a little. I didn't want to mix alcohol and meds.."

Her eyes became unfocused for a second. She almost swooned, then sighed. "I'm exhausted."

"All right," he said, relieved that she wasn't jumping out of his reach for once, "Let's go home."

* * *

The drive back was as uneventful as the drive to the restaurant, but Mamoru was definitely more tense. He was worried Usagi would pass out and kept glancing at her to make sure she was still conscious. As they neared the house, however, she seemed to have gotten over her dry spell. 

They walked up to the door in silence. He opened it and let her step in first. She made no move to get the light so he flicked it on.

"Surprise!"

Usagi practically jumped back into his arms. Mamoru gasped at the sudden warmth that surrounded him, barely registering Motoki and Reika's faces--

Reika.

Mamoru did a double take and saw the redhead's less-than-enthusiastic face. Rage boiled to the surface. _'I can't believe that after today, she can just sit there like she didn't almost kill Usako!'_

_'I can't believe that on a day like this, she would be here!' _Usagi fumed. A woman that Mamoru slept with, was probably still sleeping with, was at their home on their anniversary, wishing her best? It just didn't add up. _'Look at that guilty face. She knows she shouldn't be here!'_

For all their personal thoughts, Usagi was, surprisingly, the first to say anything. "Motoki-chan.. Reika-san. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, come on," Motoki said, taking their jackets and forcing them to sit, "We knew it was your anniversary, so we wanted to at least give our congratulations."

Usagi turned to Mamoru, watched his face steel up by the second and took comfort in the fact that he seemed just as surprised--and upset--as she. She straightened the material of her dress against her lap and looked up, straight into Reika's gaze. She seemed transfixed by her, though why Usagi felt there was surprise and guilt behind that stare as well was odd. _'Probably feeling guilty. Finally.'_

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked Reika, trying her damnedest to be polite.

The redhead shook her head rather enthusiastically. "No, thank you," she answered meekly.

"Oh, I insist," Usagi said, standing up and pasting the most artificially pleasant smile on her face as she walked around the couch. "It's the _least_ I can do for you."

The phone rang. It made her jump and automatically she turned to gauge Mamoru's reaction again. His cheeks were bloodless, his jaw clenched to the point where she could almost hear his teeth grinding. Or maybe they were her own, she realized, as she forced herself to separate the two rows of incisors.

The phone finally let up after six rings, but not more than two seconds later picked up again. Usagi's eyes narrowed. _'This is too much of a coincidence. First his cell phones and pager and now the house phone is ringing off the hook? It's someone else. That rat bastard!'_

Mamoru stared at his wife's face, that cold feeling in his stomach getting colder and colder with every ring. Motoki was taking _way_ too long to put their coats in the closet. "I'll get it," he said, not wanting to aggravate the blonde even more.

She put her free hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry," she said with that deceptively genuine smile, "I got it." Quickly she crossed the room, picked the cordless phone up and stepped out of the room before answering. "Hello?"

"Oh!" came a female voice, "Chiba-san. Oh, excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt your night."

Usagi didn't waste time placating the woman. "I'm sorry, who is this?"

"Umm.. This.. this is Doctor Mizuno from Tokyo International."

"Oh," she said, feigning ignorance and then concern for the other woman, "Is something wrong at the hospital?"

"What? Oh, nothing's--nothing's wrong," came the reply. Usagi almost laughed. The woman could not get over her shock that she, Mamoru's _wife_, was at home, answering _their_ phone. "I just wanted to make sure Doctor Chiba was all right."

Anger threatened to make her say something harsh. Instead she said, "He's more than fine, actually. I got myself into a little bit of an accident, so he decided to play hero and stay by my side the entire day.. It's our anniversary after all."

"Oh?" Ami asked.

"Were you trying to get a hold of him _all_ day?" she asked, again with the fake ignorance.

"Yes," the other chewed out. "I was just a little worried."

Usagi was suddenly sick of playing games with the doctor. Ami sounded innocent, but what kind of innocent woman got involved with a married co-worker and made her obsession oh-so-obvious even to his wife? "No need to be worried, Doctor Mizuno," Usagi said. "My husband's a grown man. He's more than capable of taking care of himself. And should he be incapable, _I'll _be here to take care of him."

"Of-of course," she stuttered.

Usagi knew she should clip the conversation short right there, but she couldn't help but go on. "And I know it may seem that Mamoru-san's married to his work, but at the end of the night he always comes home to _me_."

Like she thought, Ami didn't reply. _'How sad. Mamoru's fucking some spineless chicken shit.' _"Was there anything else that you needed me to clarify?" she asked, her voice dripping with honey.

"No, no," Ami said, and Usagi imagined her gulping a large lump in her throat. "Sounds like everything's all right. Thank you for clearing those things up for me."

* * *

Mamoru's shoulders were so tense he could've pulled a muscle just sitting there, staring at Reika with accusing eyes. She, on the other hand, was quite fidgety, and that was what made him speak up. "Why were you at the Black Rose this afternoon?" 

She stared at him, wide-eyed. "I--I thought I told you--"

"Enough, Reika," he growled. "You pushed her, didn't you? You pushed Usako down the stairs--"

"No!" Reika's face was clouded, desperate. "It wasn't like that at all!"

"How else can it be like if she was at the bottom of a flight of stairs, unconscious and bleeding, while you were standing there, scared shitless at the top?" He clenched his fist in an effort to remind himself to keep his voice down, knowing Motoki could come back at any given moment.

"She fell--I mean," she corrected herself, "I was walking back to my car because she wasn't there. I didn't hear her coming, I thought I heard something behind me, and.. and I turned around--I had my back to her--and I--"

"You bumped into her and she fell," Mamoru finished, fed up with her stammering. He'd never heard her fall on her own words like that before. She had always been calm and collected since the day they met. Hearing her like this only grated at his nerves. "You expect me to believe that?"

"It's the truth!" she hissed. "And after that, I ran. But I would never push her, I would never want to hurt her. Ever."

"Wanting to not hurt someone doesn't mean you wouldn't," Mamoru said through clenched teeth. "You and I should know that better than most people. My question is why, even after knowing it was an accident, didn't you call the ambulance?" Reika's eyes started welling up, but he was insensitive to it. "Don't think your tears will do anything for me, Reika," he continued heartlessly, "I don't give a damn about your guilt, just tell me why you didn't call for help. Why you didn't check to see if my wife was even _alive_."

"I was scared," Reika practically wailed. "I knew no one would believe me, especially you. You would press charges. I could've been arrested, put in jail.. I would've had Motoki's baby in a prison cell! And what would Motoki think of all of this? He'd be so unbelievably hurt that we slept together that he would've left me to rot!"

"Cut the dramatics," Mamoru spat. "How selfish can you be? Risking someone's life should never have been an option so inconvenient for you. God, what did I ever think I saw in you?"

Reika visibly swallowed. "I'm not a bad person, Mamoru. I wanted to become Usagi-san's friend--"

"And she wound up in the hospital," he threw back. "Well, Reika, I want you to do something for me. Stay the hell away from Usako, before something even more serious happens to her and I'm forced to hunt you down. Because if I find out that you've done something to hurt her _ever_ again, I'll ruin your little pretend world of perfection until there's nothing left."

For a second, she could only stare at him, agape because of his words. Her face hardened and she blinked away tears. "Aren't you afraid I'll do the same thing?"

"I don't think you want to know what would happen if you did," he said, his attitude quite cool again. "I'd lose Usako, but you'd lose Motoki.. and possibly that precious kidney bean of a baby as well. It wouldn't be that hard to have Motoki convinced that he should disown the thing, and the courts, well.." Mamoru knew he was taking this too far, but he couldn't stop. Reika almost cost him the most important thing in his life. He couldn't let her think she could get away with it.

Motoki chose that moment to return. "Usagi-chan was right. I can't figure your place out, no matter how many times I've been here," he said with a laugh, then took a seat next to his wife. He didn't realize how shaken she was, just put an arm around her and kissed her temple. "So what did I miss? And where's your bombshell of a wife?"

Mamoru squeezed his facial muscles into a smile. "Phone call. And Reika was just telling me how she was about to tell you--"

"That I can't wait," Reika abruptly interrupted, panicked. "About telling them, of course," she added, recovering and thrusting an arm in Motoki's. She gave Mamoru a warning glance. "I figured you could tell Mamoru-san right now, since he's your best friend and all."

Mamoru almost rolled his eyes. "What are you guys talking about?" he asked, pretending to be dumbfounded.

"I wanted you and Usagi-chan to be the first to know," Motoki said, pride gleaming in his smile.

Usagi walked in, though no one noticed, and caught Mamoru's pale face and Reika's hand as she stroked her belly and gave him a secret look.

"Damn you.."

Everyone froze at the sight of her. And then she mumbled five shattering words.

"Get.. out.. of my house."

* * *

**End Part Nine.**

* * *

( I lied. Look forward to the fight in part ten! ) 


	10. part ten

**Title: **Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank: **raye85, anonymous, sailormoon-is-eternal, xxxTigerLilyxxx, Spriteofice, pinkcar, So Peculiar, rosebudjamie, Heraldo, serenity11287, midnightgale, svgurl410, supersaiyanx, xSimplicity, lil miss child, sailorserena141, Serenity Komoshiro, Lucy, Cloud9WithSugar, RoyalLovers1418, Eva, Dudly, starangel07, LauraDrazen, Jingy5, PriestessHelene, UsaMamo4eva, midnight blue08, Hellica, skye668, Leni, TsukinoGoddess, jean, a.k.a. ettie, Jinn, yingfacherryblossom, shortblack, 1. STU-dumbDumB, PhantasyDreamer, Ratchadewi, Moonlight Usagi-chan and :D for the support!

**Author's Notes: **I didn't really focus much on Usagi and Mamoru's personal thoughts. Yep, that's about it.

* * *

**Part Ten. Good Bye.**

* * *

"Usagi-chan!" Motoki cried out in surprise.

Mamoru glanced from Reika's belly to Usagi's grief stricken-face. There was no way he knew what she was thinking but he was praying she wasn't thinking what he thought she was thinking. She couldn't possibly know.. or think--

"You twisted.. bitch," Usagi said, her free hand cutting the air like a knife. She couldn't even begin to find words to describe all of what she was feeling and all of what she thought of Reika. She was pregnant. That was what Motoki was going to tell Mamoru. Only he already knew. She could tell from his face that he already knew. And that same look revealed her worst fears to this moment. _'It's his.'_

Mamoru swore. _'She knows. She knows everything.' _If he had any doubts it became crystal clear as soon as he'd seen her eyes. Usagi looked hurt, angry, _betrayed_.. A million questions burst through his mind, like how she could have known, when had she figured it out. Then something else hit him. If he knew his wife, then he knew Usagi had jumped to conclusions. She was thinking Reika's baby was his. His insides twisted at the thought, but for Motoki's sake he yelled, "Usako, why the hell are you talking to them like that?"

Usagi didn't seem to register what he said, and neither did Reika. She stared back at Usagi with frightened eyes and placed a hand over her belly. "It's not what you--"

Usagi was relentless. "Get out!"

Motoki was confused and very upset. "All right, all right. Usagi-chan, I don't know what's wrong. But I'm.. I'm very sorry."

Usagi shook her head. "_You_ don't have to apologize for _anything_, Motoki-chan."

He furrowed his brow in confusion, but Mamoru had already handed him their coats.

Usagi was shaking. She was _furious_. But she forced herself to hold it in, this unbelievable amount of rage, as she watched Motoki help Reika slip into her jacket and usher her out.

Mamoru waited a good forty seconds after the door was shut to turn to her with a wild heat raging through his veins. He had no idea how to handle this. How to handle _her_, his wife. He wanted so bad for her not to know, not to have realized what had been going on. So he decided to pretend like her reaction to Reika didn't make any sense. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

The eyes Usagi had for him were anything but happy. "No, Mamoru-san, _you_ must have been out of your fucking mind. Bringing you pregnant mistress into our house on our anniversary!"

The moment he realized his secret had come out into the open was short-lived when he felt his mouth move. "It's not mine."

"Yeah," she casually tossed, "like I should believe anything you say!"

"It's true. Reika said it was conceived when they were on vacation seven weeks ago."

"According to whom?"

"Her doctor, of course," he said, nodding. "Trust me."

His words repelled her. "Trust you? That's the last thing on earth I would do!" She combed through her hair forcefully with her hand, turned and glared at her husband. "Why would I trust someone who betrayed me time and time again?"

Mamour wanted to defend himself, then he paused. "Wait.." he muttered, circling around the couch, though he kept his eyes on her. The sickest feeling dropped into his gut as he spoke. "You knew. You knew all along. This _entire_ fucking time."

"Yes I knew, Mamoru-san. Once I'd stopped falling in love with you it was quite easy to see." The scales had fallen from her eyes, and from then on, she'd gone through a different kind of falling.

"And you didn't say anything!" he accused.

Usagi almost screamed. "That's the most idiotic excuse for cheating on someone I've ever heard! Fuck's sake, Mamoru-san. Anyone with half a brain would've realized what you were doing. But I didn't realize it was up to me to make you control yourself. I didn't know that you were waiting for me to tell you to stop!"

"Stop, Usako!"

"Why?" she shouted back. "Does it hurt to think that your wife was keeping your secret for you? Don't worry, Mamoru-san, I regret it, too!"

Mamoru reeled back as if she'd slapped him. "Is that why you decided to play payback? Sleep with Yamada to get back at me?"

_'Hell no..' _"I didn't sleep with him," Usagi said, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, right."

"I wouldn't, god knows why," Usagi threw back. "You more than deserve it."

"Fine," he ground out, blinded by his raging emotions, "then go ahead, Usako. Go and sleep with every radiologist at Tokyo General."

"Damn you!" she spat. "Don't you dare treat me like I'm the whore in all of this! _You _were disloyal, Mamoru-san, three times over! It could've been your child Reika-san's carrying."

Mamoru shook his head adamantly. "She would've had an abortion."

Usagi stopped. The moment she did, the emotions finally caught up to her like a train. Tears were coming, she could feel them coming, and no amount of anger could reinforce her. "Let me guess. It wouldn't have been for Motoki-chan, or her, or you. It would've been for your stupid _reputation_. The bastard with married parents, only they weren't married to each other--"

"Dammit, Usako--"

"Let me finish!" she screamed. "You are the most hypocritical, selfish man I've ever known! It wasn't enough to interfere in your best friend's marriage, you had to compromise your position at the hospital by fucking a colleague. And I don't even know what to think of Kaiou Michiru.."

Mamoru swallowed a thick lump settled in the middle of his throat. It surprised him that Usagi was quite familiar with his mistresses. _'Knowing now that she knew changes the whole situation.'_ "Usako, I ended everything. I cut _all_ the ties to those women because I want to move on. I want us to move on, to somehow get beyond this.."

Usagi's laugh was a sad tinkle in the air. "It will never be over. You'll see Ami-san at work all the time. And if I'm right, and Motoki-chan doesn't know about all of this shit, you'll have to lie around him for the rest of your life."

"Reika might tell him after the baby's born."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "I wonder how Motoki-chan would handle news like that. He would kill you, Mamoru-san."

"I'll find a way to handle Motoki. And I'll find a way to deal with Ami-san," Mamoru said desperately. "Don't you see, Usako? I'll face anything--anybody. I'll do anything if it means I can make things right with you."

Usagi cursed the tear that escaped her eye. _'Don't lose it. Don't fall for his empty words! Because in the end, you know what will happen..'_ "Don't you know?" she asked, her voice shaking, "We're already over."

Mamoru stared at her. "No," he uttered. "No. No.. no, no, _no_! Don't say that!"

Usagi's hands trembled, so she closed them into fists and lifted her chin. She looked at him, a sad, pitying look that almost brought tears to his eyes. "You can't expect me to stay with you, Mamoru-san," she said with just enough tone that made it sound like a question.

He didn't know what to say. Usagi wasn't saying these things out of shock. She wasn't trying to hurt him, even though it was quite clear that he deserved it. She wanted to leave him for good, forever, with a clear head. Looking at how calm she was as she broke his heart made him wonder if she still cared about him at all. Knowing better than to ask her, though, he said, "I don't expect anything from you, Usako, good or bad. I want you to stay." _'Forgive me.. Please.'_

"That is not a good idea."

"You can't say all of these things and say goodbye. This is more than just a hit and run."

_'Isn't it?' _"What good can possibly come of me staying? I hate you."

"You _hate_ me?"

"Yes," she vehemently spat, "I _hate_ you, Mamoru-san. I gave you my life and you wanted more--"

_'No!' _"That's not true!"

"Then why did you need to sleep with anyone else?" she shouted. "Why did you need to fuck _three_ other women?"

"I--"

"No," she said, holding a hand up. "I don't want to hear your twisted logic, actually. I've been trying to understand you for months. Maybe we got married too early. Maybe I should've let you have more freedom to do what you really wanted."

"Don't blame yourself," Mamoru said, a pain swelling in his chest. "You didn't do a damn thing wrong."

"Then why is this happening? Why do I hate you this much?"

Mamoru grabbed her by the shoulders, careful not to hurt her broken arm, as if he could hurt her any more. He looked deep into his eyes, searching for the truth. Searching for the love of his life, wherever she was hiding past the guarded walls inside. "Because you still love me."

She shook her head violently. "Don't say that."

"I have to," he said, "I have to, Usako. I need you. You're everything.. I.. I'd be lost without you. Waking up beside you, being with you, coming home to you.. That's all that matters to me. If you leave, all of this is darkness to me."

That was the hardest thing to say, because those heartfelt words came from the depths of his soul. From the man who screamed to not let her go. To tell her just how much power she had over him, how her words and her cold distance was killing him.

She placed a hand on his shoulder and he dared to look into her beautiful cornflower blue eyes. Slowly, she said, "I don't care."

She drew back, but he grabbed her free wrist. "Don't lie about that," he begged, "Please. You're hurting me enough."

She cleared her throat before speaking. _'As if he was the only one.' _"I've been lied to. I've been hurt. I'll be damned if I gave you compassion when you had none for me."

She pulled out of his grasp and glared at him through the tears and he stared back with tears of his own. "I'm not as strong as you," he said, trying hard to breathe.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied woefully. "You kept a straight face everytime I asked where you'd been. You even had the audacity to touch me smelling like other women.." She shook her head, trying not to let her anger take over. "Maybe you're not strong," she said bitterly, "but you'll find a nice, warm, cozy companion to take care of that, won't you?" Knowing she couldn't last much longer without breaking down completely in front of him, she forced her legs to move, her feet to take her away from her husband.

When he realized she was actually going, he choked out, "No! God.. Usako--for fuck's sake! Don't go! Don't--"

"Grow up, Mamoru-san!" she screamed. "Not everything is about you, you egocentric bastard! I'm leaving you for _me_. Before I snap and tear your shit apart! Because I refuse to let this destroy me. I refuse to carry on as your _loving_, _faithful_ wife with the kind of loneliness I feel around you. So go ahead and call your doctor-whore when I'm out of the driveway if you can't stand a little agony. You'll never understand!"

He didn't blink as he watched her leave. He silently begged, prayed, died when she didn't turn around. He knew it would be too good to be true, that Usagi would break and come back, but he couldn't squelch that stupid hope..

He didn't know how he wound up in the middle of the driveway, standing between Usagi's car and the way out, but the vehicle lights were suddenly flooding his eyes.

She rolled down the window. "Get the hell out of the way!" she yelled, even then self-conscious of being heard by the neighbors.

"Dammit, Usako! I'm sorry!"

"Don't reduce this to a petty squabble, Mamoru-san. You don't get to fucking say sorry!"

"Don't go," he panted, "You're in no condition to drive."

"I'll take my chances."

"Not with your life! Listen to reason, Usako! Tell me what I can do, what I can say to make you stay."

"I'm not staying."

"I'll beg you on my fucking knees!"

Usagi stared and stared at him. With those eyes that could pierce right through him and reach deep into his soul. "I swear, Mamoru-san," she whispered, "If you make me cry in front of you I will never, _never_ forgive you."

* * *

**End Part Ten.**

* * *

(Yeah. )


	11. mini part?

**Title: **Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank: **midnightgale, PriestessHelene, Krys7, rosebudjamie, UsaMamo4eva, lil miss child, JinnShadow, Kitty, starangel07, svgurl410, serenity11287, midnight blue08, gina, Serenity Komoshiro, v1cky84, sailormoon-is-eternal, lilcatfish96, anon., APRIL26, LauraDrazen, Heraldo, blackacess, Hellica, Calindy, melis, pinkcar, alisa, Moonlight Usagi-chan, raye85, jean, CerridwenStorms, Alessia, Spriteofice, yingfacherryblossom, Sasha Franco, Jingy5, supersaiyanx, TrueDestiny, Skye, anokas2757, hit60, mystic soilder, RoyalLovers1418, Kelevandras, MoonPrincess568, IVIE, a.k.a ettie, S dot Serenity, BelieveTheWarIsOver, irishlady18, skye668, Star Garden, fireangel621, .xCuriousx., Piper Of Locksley, death-by-sugar, rainbabie, pink.puffcloud, Megan Consoer, SkylerKnight, Glazya Yuy, Ann, iron chefs lady, and sailormoonluver101 for the support!

**Author's Notes: **I didn't realize how long it's been since I've updated any of my stories! It's been due to the fact that I'm taking summer classes and, balanced with my two jobs I've barely had time to go on FF. Hope you guys understand!

I haven't come up with a new Mamoru/Usagi scene, so I'm posting this little snippet in the hopes of placating you until I've got something substantial.

* * *

**Brief Intermission.**

* * *

He closed the door softly, turning to her. Her back faced him. He couldn't ignore her silence, or the way her shoulders quivered uncontrollably. Yes, he knew. He could read his wife like his own thoughts. She was scared, and more than a little nervous.

"Do you want to tell me something?"

She jumped when he spoke and turned to face him. "What?"

"You look like you want to say something," he observed, watching her wave of expressions.

She finally decided on a smile. One that was stretched without any real feeling. "No, not really," she said.

He stared at her, long and hard. He didn't like what he saw. It was too startlingly disturbing. For a second he wondered if he should just leave her alone, that perhaps she was tired and stressed by what had happened at the Chiba residence.

He must've been lacking sympathy because he couldn't stop himself from speaking up. "Then I'll do the talking. I noticed you were quiet during the entire drive back, and it wasn't because you were surprised, at least not entirely. I thought it was about the state we left Mamoru and Usagi-chan in. I know it made _me_ concerned because, in all the years I've known them I'd never seen them fight, or raise their voices at each other. It worries me, thinking if they're all right. But what's making me sick is this sinking feeling that you know what they were fighting about."

Reika's eyes had widened into saucers with every sentence he spoke. By the time he was done she truly looked like a deer caught in his headlights. That in itself was enough to confirm said sinking feeling. Motoki waited for her to say something, but she didn't. "Can you tell me what's going on, Reika?"

The words barely left his lips and she was sobbing, gasping and holding herself like a lifeline. Chills traveled down Motoki's back, and he moved to hold her. She stepped back. "Reika?"

Something was wrong.

"Reika, you're scaring me."

"Motoki, Motoki," she muttered over and over again, not bothering to wipe her eyes. "I can't do this anymore."

He tried to be gentle with her, but his patience was waning. If Reika knew what happened to his best friends, he wanted to know immediately so he could try and fix it. Not that he would step in.. but it depended on what his wife had to say.. He supposed it would be best to know what exactly _it_ was so he asked, "What could possibly be the matter?"

She seemed to retreat into her own world, but when he went to touch her hand, she recoiled, snapping out of her thoughts. "Don't touch me," she bit out, her eyes still pouring out tears.

Somehow, he wasn't offended. "Reika, I need you to talk to me."

"Usagi-chan.. she hates me."

"That's nonsense," Motoki said.

She looked up at him and glared. "She does. And so should you. Instead you're wonderful to me." Again, she started sobbing.

His face softened fractionally. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because!" she said, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Because isn't a valid answer for me to treat my wife like trash."

"That's because you don't know, Motoki." She gulped in air, but she still hiccupped. "I _am_ trash."

There were a thousand questions running through his mind but he chose "Why are you talking like this?" to voice his confusion.

"It's Mamoru," he made out through her sobs.

Mamoru. Not Mamoru-san. Mamoru. _Mamoru_. He suddenly started feeling defensive. "What about Mamoru?"

"Usagi-chan hates me," Reika said and paused. She shook her head once. "She hates me because she thinks--or thought--this was--is--Mamoru's baby."

Motoki froze. Nothing could describe what he felt. He couldn't imagine anything worse than what his wife just told him. He couldn't possibly fathom the amount of pain slicing through him. Yet he stood there, appearing to be as calm as could be as he asked, "Is she right?"

For two whole seconds Reika just looked at him, not blinking, not moving. "No."

He took a shaky breath, feeling as though the whole world had just started rotating on a different angle. "Are you sure?"

This time, she answered automatically. "I have proof."

That was enough for him, though the relief he felt was miniature in comparison to every other emotion roiling through him. He didn't even know why he was relieved. Was he really supposed to be relieved that his wife was sleeping with his best friend but wound up pregnant with his child? That at the very least they used protection? Who knew? Maybe they didn't. But for her--and Usagi.. god!--to wonder if there was a slight chance that the baby she was carrying was Mamoru's meant that she'd slept with Mamoru more than once. It wasn't just a mistake, or something they both did out of anger. It was consentual.

It was despicable.

"Motoki?"

He turned to Reika, forgetting that she was still in the room, looking at him expectantly. What she expected him to say, he had no clue. So he didn't reply, he just grabbed his keys and walked out of the door without slamming it.

He made it inside the car before he started screaming in pent-up rage. He wanted to hit something, he wanted to throw things. _Mamoru_. And his wife! When he lost his voice, he turned the car on, slamming it into gear.

Answers. He needed answers. But he couldn't bring himself to look at his wife, much less ask her questions about her affair with his best friend, to get them.

* * *

**End Intermission.**

* * *

( Sadness. )


	12. part eleven

**Title: **Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank: **gia, midnightgale, rosebudjamie, serenity11287, v1cky84, sailormoonluver101, rainbabie, lfleurdelys, LauraDrazen, MoonPrincess568, irishlady18, Jingy5, Serenity Komoshiro, itachifan1243, raye85, starangel07, svgurl410, green-as-elphaba, iron chefs lady, Moonlight Usagi-chan, hit60, Eva C, Skye, supersaiyanx, Spriteofice, PhantasyDreamer, RoyalLovers1418, Calindy, kyil, silvermoon8573, wiccariangoddessofthemoon, SilverMyst, SkylerKnight, PriestessHelene, ally0212, JinnShadow, blonde-gal, Edward4ever1992, iloveebfanfics, Princesakarlita411, SolarWinds and Megan Consoer for the lovely comments of support! I cannot reiterate enough that your reviews have helped me get through the more complicated facets of this fic.

**Author's Notes: **This chapter is dedicated to a friend very special to me. I think you'll notice as you're reading this that the relationship between Usagi and Motoki is a projection of the one between this special person and I. I guess I'm mentioning this because I want you to know there's proof that a bond like this does exist. And if you listen to "Missing Something" by AutoVaughn before, after or while you read this I think it'll help set the mood.

* * *

**Part Eleven. Good Friends.**

* * *

Usagi strolled into the Black Rose, taking a quick turn for her office. Nobody seemed to notice, since nobody stopped or called after her. She wanted to feel relieved, but she couldn't feel anything except for the hurt and anger confronting Mamoru had caused. _'It's out. His secret is out in the open.'_

She slipped into her office, almost choosing to stay in the darkness but her hand automatically moved to flick the light on. As usual, the sight of her office was comforting. Granted she was alone, but at that moment she was at relative peace.

The slow stroll to her desk chair didn't feel real until she sank into it, the sound of crunching leather filling the room. She took a deep breath, held it for four seconds and let it go.

And the tears she couldn't hold back sprung forth.

Misery, too long her companion, surrounded her, wafting, saturating her with the worst kind of loneliness. The kind that made it impossible to think there was an end to her turmoil. No light at the end of the tunnel. Just the darkness burning behind her closed eyelids.

It was over, wasn't it? No calling Rei to vent, or cry. No running over to the kitchen for Makoto's comfort food. No turning to Kiyoshi because she was bordering on a panic attack. Not anymore. She was done with Mamoru.

Then why was she still crying? Why wasn't that ache in her heart getting better?

She could've been sitting there for hours but the silent tears only stopped when she realized she was still wearing the bracelet Mamoru bought her. Oh, but it had been a while since he had felt the need to buy her anything. She liked being self-dependent, a wife who wasn't spoiled rotten by her rich husband. That he thought he could buy her off was a spit in the face.

Those thoughts scattered from her mind at the sound of the doorknob twisting and the door scraping as it opened. Tears still dripping, she looked up at the disheveled man who didn't bother to knock. Motoki. He entered the room, closing the door behind him like it was the last thing on his mind.

Either he didn't realize she was crying or he simply didn't care as he paced back and forth in her office. The latter seemed to be more plausible when he turned to her and asked her, "How long?"

"Motoki-chan, what are you talking about?"

Motoki stopped midstride and turned, his gaze piercing her with such a strange look she almost shivered. "You know, when Minako introduced me to you for the first time I thought you were the most perfect person I'd ever met. You were smart, polite, witty. Every little thing about you was just.. just so thoroughly pure. But the best thing about you was how brutally insightful you were. You could take a look at someone and tell exactly what kind of person he or she was with dead-on accuracy."

Usagi's heart fluttered. There was something about this confession, something about the way his hands flailed as he spoke and that dangerous look in his eye.

"You said I didn't have to apologize."

It took her a moment to recognize her own words. _'Back at the house.._'

"What I want to know," Motoki continued restlessly, "is how long. How long did it take you before you realized the truth? How long did you know _my_ wife was sleeping with _your _husband?"

She didn't say anything, too stunned to say anything, really. He knew? Reika had actually told him?

He looked at her, frustration set deep in his eyes at her silence. "How long were you going to continue to keep their secret? How long were you going to look _me_ in the eye and lie.. just like them?"

He was shouting at this point, but his last two questions had stirred something vicious to the surface. She slammed her left fist on her desk, startling him, and stood up. "Damn it! You are not the only one whose marriage is blown to pieces, Motoki-chan! I've been lied to, I've been cheated on, and trust me," she said, gasping for air that wouldn't fill her lungs, "Reika-san's a statistic, a single notch on Mamoru-san's proverbial belt." She knew she was treading on very thin water by the way Motoki's eyes fired up when she said that, but she didn't care. Rei, Kiyoshi, Makoto, Yuuichirou; too many had felt sorry for her. She'd take his anger over sympathy any day. "I care about you, Motoki-chan, you know that. But was I really supposed to admit to you that my husband was cheating on me? Would you really ask that of me?"

Motoki's face darkened. He was only getting angrier. "No, but if you supposedly care about me, you should've told me my wife was cheating on _me_."

She started to feel tears prickling again, but she held them back. No, she wouldn't be like Reika. She wouldn't use her tears against him.

It was like he knew where her thoughts were headed, and slowly she saw his eyes glazing over. He was losing it, too. "I thought we were closer than that," Motoki accused. "We've been friends for so long, and I always thought of you as too honest for your own good."

"Sorry to disappoint," she bit back. "But for the record, being honest doesn't mean throwing all caution to the wind and reporting every little detail of my marriage to you, even if it includes yours."

He reeled. "That's not what I meant!"

"But that's what you expected, isn't it?" she said, eyes unwavering. "I don't owe you, Mamoru-san or Reika-san an explanation for how _or_ why I reacted the way I did. If you are looking for someone to blame, your anger is one hundred percent absolutely misplaced. I'm not your enemy. I didn't betray you. I never would."

She anticipated a retort, a good few minutes of more fighting, but when he just collapsed onto her chair she stood there, blank. She waited, watching as he buried his head in his hands, and then he started to sob. The tension flushed out of her and she was at his side in six steps, holding him.

Never in her life had she seen Motoki get emotional, or lose his cool. He was gentle, he was sweet, but she'd never seen him _weep_. Briefly she wondered if that was what Rei thought the first time she broke down in front of her. So fragile, so on the verge of breaking.

He only stopped to exclaim, "I'm a fucking moron!"

"No," she said, placing her hand on his neck. "You're not ever supposed to think that Mamoru-san and Reika-san would do this. What they did is.. unpredictable and unacceptable."

His eyes narrowed, pushing tears out. "I could kill Mamoru!"

"You could," she conceded, stilling him with her frankness, "but it's not like he didn't have Reika-san's permission to sleep with her."

He threw his hands up. "I don't know who I'm more pissed at. Mamoru.. h-he's supposed to be my best friend. And Reika, she's my wife, Usagi-chan. She should've said no. She should've.."

Usagi just nodded, knowing he had so many thoughts running through his head to interrupt.

"I never hit her. I can't think of a single day where I said something mean, and didn't apologize for it. And I thought.. I thought she was happy. And.. dammit, I thought I was good enough in bed."

Usagi bit her lip. She remembered wondering if there was something wrong with her, if maybe she wasn't sexually appealing to Mamoru anymore. She used to question that all the time. Why would he go to someone else? Was he looking for something he wasn't getting from her? But those questions had disappeared in time, replaced with anger and disgust at a lie she'd spotted nearly from the beginning. She sighed. It had been a while since her last sexual encounter with Mamoru.

"All this time.." Motoki murmured. "We went to movies, dinners together. I would send Reika to bring him stuff from me."

She knew where that trail of thought was going. Who knows? They could've been using every excuse they had to see each other and continue their 'secret' affair. "It was difficult," she confessed, "seeing them try to hide it in front of us. It hurt. And it hurt to know they were doing the same thing to you."

"Maybe she wanted to punish me," he said, hiccuping, "Punish me for thinking so highly of you."

She shook her head.

"But it's true," he argued. "I never hid how much I admired you--"

"That doesn't justify what she did," she argued. "Motoki-chan, you were a good man--you _are_ a good man. That's the honest truth. I'm just.. so sorry." Saying sorry felt so incomplete. If she were him, she wouldn't want to hear sorry.

He glared at her. "Don't apologize. You don't have to. I'm sorry for coming here and yelling."

"I would've done the same thing," Usagi said truthfully.

He simply nodded. Taking a moment to swallow the thick lump in his throat, he turned to her once more. "Who's known?"

"About Reika-san? Just Rei-chan. About the doctor? Rei-chan, two on my staff and Hamada Kiyoshi. And as for the musician--"

"That fucking baka!" Motoki burst. He took Usagi's free hand and squeezed it, trying to search her blank face for some emotion. "He doesn't deserve you."

She shrugged, trying to smile and failing miserably. "Reika-san doesn't deserve you.. but you still love her." She watched his face struggle to stay lifeless. "It's the same with Mamoru-san, I guess."

Motoki shook his head. "After what he's done to you.. You couldn't possibly still love him..?"

"What can I say? He still makes me cry." With that, her shoulders slumped over, like the truth had suddenly worn her down.

He squeezed her hand again. "You confronted him tonight."

She nodded. "He figured out that I knew by the way I was acting. I was too tired to play along. Too tired of letting him think I didn't know what he was doing, Motoki-chan." She was silent for a while. "I yelled. I called him whatever I could think of and stormed out."

Motoki made a face. "That's more than what I could say when I left to come here."

"You took the passive aggressive route," Usagi surmised. She didn't even have to ask how well that went, it was written all over his face. But she'd been there, done that, and instead of comforting him she told him what was on her mind. "You know, Reika-san will probably be there when you get home."

He shook his head adamantly. "I don't think I'm going back."

Usagi's hand clenched around his, involuntarily warning him of what she was about to say. "I know this is sudden, and right now, you might just feel better if you didn't go home tonight, maybe go to a bar, get all kinds of drunk and wake up in a hotel with a stranger. But there are tons of reasons why you won't. For one, you're Furuhata Motoki-chan, president of the unofficial morality club. Two, you're having a baby with Reika-san now, and since you're wise you'll know there's no need to create more drama. And lastly, this is _your_ life. You have no reason to be ashamed for what happened. You're not in the wrong, which means you have more control over where to go from here than she is."

Motoki looked better after her spiel, although he had to ask, "How come you're not taking your own advice?"

"Because I'm still learning from my mistakes and I don't want you making the same ones," she answered. With more thought she added, "Maybe love isn't the issue here, but you're not going to get any absolution by running away." Silently, she prayed what she was doing didn't constitute running away. She said all she'd had to say to Mamoru, hadn't she? It was over.. It had to be.

* * *

Mamoru felt like his head was going to explode. He could not wrap his mind around what happened. Usagi had just confronted him about his dirty little secrets. She'd figured it out. As sick as it was he felt betrayed, too. She was playing him like he had been playing her all along. It was like some morbid joke, like everyone in his life was acting like he'd gotten away with his crimes. But if Usagi had been aware of his affairs, he couldn't have expected the hospital workers, Rei, Motoki--

He picked up a crystal vase and threw it against the wall and moved to the couch, upturning it. He used one of the cushions to send the magazines on the coffee table flying and smashed the table in. Adrenaline pumped through him as he tore through the room with his eyes, trying to look for something to break. He was trying not to think, trying not to remember that this was real, that his wife said their marriage was over.

He was in the middle of stomping to the dining room when the doorbell rang. He stood there for a second, taking deep breaths as he contemplated answering or not. In the end, curiosity of who it could be--Usagi, maybe?--won. When he opened the door, however, he was greeted with the sight of one of the last people he wanted to see at the moment.

Ami gave a small, helpless smile. "Can I--"

Before she could even complete her sentence he was pulling her inside. She gasped at how rough he was and gasped again once he slammed the door and practically whirled her into the living room. He let her look around at the mess before asking, "Why are you here?"

"What happened?" she asked instead of answering.

Irritation bubbled inside of him. "Usako knew. She knew about us."

Ami's quick intake of breath didn't change anything. "Since when?"

"Does it fucking matter?" He watched her stiffen sharply. For the first time she realized Mamoru was in a dangerous mood. He ran a hand through his hair. "You, Reika, Michiru.. She knows about everything."

Ami paused, disbelief crossing her face. "There were others?"

Mamoru gave her a short sideways glance. Then, before he could censor himself he blurted, "Did you really think we were going to be together?"

The hurt look on Ami's face dissipated. Suddenly, all sincerity dropped and her face hardened. "Well, if you weren't going to leave your wife for two other women, I shouldn't have thought you'd leave her for me." Then, before Mamoru could react, she slapped him. "You bastard," she spat, slapping him again, "You selfish, dirty bastard!"

Mamoru took the two hits, his body already numb inside. Usagi had called him a selfish bastard, too. He could still see her face, that betrayed look in her eyes. So fresh a memory. And he thought breaking away from Reika and Michiru was hard..

"You took advantage of me!" Ami went on. "I gave you everything.. I invested so much in you because I thought you were worth it."

"Poor sense of judgment," he muttered, stepping back from her, his adrenaline rush gone. Tears were running down her face but all he could think of was how terrible it had been to see Usagi so close to crying. _"If you make me cry in front of you I will never, _never_ forgive you." _As if there was a chance that she would forgive him period. No, Usagi was beyond forgiveness. She'd known. There was no forgiving months and months of infidelity. "Don't," he rasped out hoarsely.

"Don't fucking _what_?" Ami said, wiping at stray tears.

"Don't cry over this. Over me," he said mechanically. "Like you said, I'm not worth it."

"Easier said than done," she shot back, still wiping her face. "I've wasted almost a year--not to mention my career--on you."

He wasn't outdone by her statement. "You made the same choice I did from the beginning. But somewhere along the way you saw something that wasn't there. I was weak, but I wasn't planning on leaving Usako. We both could've said no, but I didn't and you obviously weren't going to. If I've taken advantage of you, you've taken advantage of me, too."

Ami's arms dropped to her sides and she stood there, glaring at him. Finally, she said, "She'll never take you back." Then she was gone.

Mamoru didn't watch her leave, just let the words sink in. It was true. Usagi would _never_ take him back. But, if his marriage was failed, and he couldn't save himself, he had to try and save Motoki the pain of the whole truth. After tonight, Mamoru was sure he had questions about why Usagi lashed out at Reika. As pissed off as he was with the redhead, Motoki didn't need to know that his best friend slept with his wife behind his back. Motoki loved Reika. It would kill him to know.

The more he thought of his best friend and ex-mistress, the more he was filled with purpose. For Usagi and him, it was probably over. As much as he needed to realize that, to stop and really let it hit him, he had to stop Reika and Motoki from suffering the same fate as them. He dug into his pocket and, finding his keys, left the house.

It only took him fifteen minutes to get to Motoki and Reika's house, but the silent drive was long enough to get him all strung up again. How was he supposed to fix this? He was sure arriving at their doorstep in the middle of the night and in a wrinkled tuxedo he should've changed from hours ago would be alarming. Perhaps he could tell them he came over to apologize, that Usagi wasn't acting herself. She was angry at him, after all, and simply took it out on them. And somehow, he would get it through to Reika that he didn't want her saying anything to Motoki. As he stepped onto the front porch the door opened.

"Reika?"

She backed away from the door, letting him in. Silent, she went back to what she was doing, dragging a duffel bag full of clothes down the stairs. The sight was all too familiar for him, and that sick feeling he had before came back with a vengeance. "What are you doing?" he asked numbly.

"What do you think I'm doing?" she asked, her voice scratchy. Probably from crying.

Mamoru's jaw clenched. "It looks like you're going on a trip." Stupid, he knew, but it was the only thing he could think of saying.

"Close," she uttered, still busying herself. "I'm leaving Motoki."

He furrowed his brow. "Why?" He didn't mean to sound it, but he was that shocked.

She couldn't meet his eyes. "I told him. I told him everything.."

Nothing. Mamoru felt absolutely nothing. "Why?"

Reika let her duffel fall unceremoniously to the ground. "Because I couldn't lie to him anymore. Because I love him, even if it means having to hurt him by telling him what we've been doing."

"You did it for yourself," he spat without thinking. "You knew he was going to find out soon. You just wanted to tell him before Usako or I did!"

Reika nodded. "Yeah. I'm selfish," she began, then her eyes narrowed. "And what about you, Mamoru? Did you tell Usagi-chan, or did she figure out on her own?" She seemed to be satisfied by the angry flush crossing his cheeks. "You didn't know. Hmm.. I wonder, how long has she been carrying all that anger, all that hatred for you? All because you didn't have the balls to tell her yourself."

Mamoru had to fight for his control. With all that had happened that night, it was obviously hard. But Reika was right, and he needed to stick to what he came there for. "I came because I wanted to warn you not to tell Motoki anything."

"A little late for that," Reika noted.

"Yeah," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. He glanced at Reika's duffel and couldn't suppress a wince. "You might not have to leave."

"Why? Because I'm pregnant?" Reika made an imperceptible sound and picked her duffel up. She crossed her arms. "I know Motoki has more sense of morality than either of us, but he's not stupid. And it _would_ be stupid to stay with me because I'm having his baby."

"Motoki would never turn his back on his child," he said with conviction.

"I'm not worried about that."

"Still," he continued to argue, "You shouldn't leave."

"Why not?"

"Because it's almost two in the morning and you have to go to work tomorrow." Mamoru and Reika turned to see Motoki standing at the doorway. He closed the door behind him softly and took two steps into the house.

Reika's eyes filled with fresh tears. "That may be.. be the case.. but I'm not staying in a house where I'm not wanted."

The three of them knew that statement was a test. Did Motoki want her to stay? Did he want _her_? With the secret exposed, and Mamoru standing there, Motoki could've said--or done--anything. He chose to say, "You can't always get what you want."

Reika nodded her head slowly. "Fine. Then I'll go."

Mamoru couldn't stand watching the exchange anymore. This wasn't like Motoki at all. He was kind, understanding, protective of Reika. As Reika moved toward the door he realized this really was happening. "Motoki--"

He didn't see Motoki's fist coming, only saw the stars that burst in front of his eyes as he fell back. Reika cried out, but Mamoru knew she'd gone to his best friend's side.

"You should've stayed out of our marriage!" Motoki shouted. "What you've done.. You've ruined us all!"

Mamoru got on his knees, still winded by that unexpected punch. "I'm trying to fix this," he said, wiping the blood from his mouth.

"You don't get it, do you?" Motoki asked, eyes on fire, watching as Mamoru stood up. "You _can't_. You can't take back however long you and Reika have been sneaking around." He glanced at Reika. "You can't take back all the lies just because you finally told the truth."

"Motoki," Mamoru began, "You're my best friend. We're like brothers. I never meant to cause you pain."

"I know," Motoki answered, "because you were too busy thinking of yourself. You need to know.. Even if I come around someday, if I get to that point where I'm not mad as fuck at you anymore, I don't think I'll ever forgive you for what you've done to Usagi-chan."

That void of nothingness inside Mamoru suddenly exploded with red-hot pain. He lost his wife, and now he was losing his best friend. "Is there anything I can do to make this better?" he asked, still hoping for some sort of last-minute reprieve.

"The only thing I want from you is to leave. Leave me alone. Leave Reika alone. Don't bother either of us again."

And with that last request, Mamoru bowed his head and stumbled to the door.

Reika waited until the door was closed before she said, "I still love you."

Motoki didn't look at her. "And I love you, Reika, but this hurts. I can't talk to you right now. I just want to sleep on it, and maybe.. maybe tomorrow we can talk about what we're going to do."

He didn't leave any room for negotiation, and Reika was in no position to argue with how reasonable he was being. "All right," she said, "all right."

* * *

**End Part Eleven.**

* * *

( Man. Tough break. )


	13. part twelve

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank: **rosebudjamie, kyil, raye85, MoonPrincess568, Serenity Komoshiro, Jingy5, midnight blue08, SkylerKnight, Peaceful Moon, SmTwilight, kireisnowtenshi, Edward4ever1992, irishlady18, sanfrancisco, ashley-chan, supersaiyanx, Moonlight Usagi-chan, rainbabie, Novem, Spriteofice, iron chefs lady, tonieboo0013, silvermoon8573, PhantasyDreamer, svgurl410, Shika Kev Prower, S dot Serenity, v1786, neo dreamer, skye668 and Domyouji Love for the support!

**Author's Notes: **None for today.

* * *

**Part Twelve****. Good Guy.**

* * *

He was crying. Not the kind of melodramatic crying where one would wail aloud or be inclined to hit something. No, nobody could see him as he drove. There was no need for theatrics, and it wasn't like he wasn't in pain. Silent tears.

He didn't know what to do. There was no home left for him. There was no love left to go back to. It was all on him. He sighed, feeling defeated. He passed a sign, barely reading it and kept his foot on the gas. He couldn't turn back now. The only thing he could do was keep going. Maybe he'd find a way to face what happened.. and the hurt he caused the only woman he could honestly say he loved.

* * *

Time passed, as it always did. For the first two days she was living in a hotel room--thank goodness she hadn't unpacked that duffel from when she left the first time. All she had done--if she wasn't at work, holed up in the comforting confines of her office--was stay in bed, only leaving to use the bathroom or take compulsive showers. On the third day there was a knock on her door. Not knowing who could've figured out she was there, she answered. Rei was standing in the doorway. Calmly, she let herself in. Usagi expected a speech, perhaps a mini-tirade about how she should've called the raven-haired woman the second the shit hit the fan, but Rei simply handed her a set of keys. She raised her brow questioningly.

Rei shrugged. "Yuuichirou's moving in, so I figured you could take over his lease."

She didn't say anything for several moments. Eventually she nodded. "Thanks."

"None needed. You're still going to have to pay rent. All you have to do now is get through the paperwork and the place is yours," came the reply. A serious look took over Rei's face as she mentioned paperwork, and Usagi knew what she was going to say. "Usagi, do you need me to..?"

Usagi looked away. One word was all it would take, and Rei would be slapping Mamoru with divorce papers faster than he could blink. Then it would be official. She would be the one throwing the towel in the sham that was their perfect marriage. Was she ready to do that? Let go of him? Let go of all of the happiest and most painful memories she'd ever experienced because of him? There was no easy yes, just like there was no easy no to Rei's question. "I still haven't decided, Rei-chan. I just don't know."

Her friend gave an exasperated sigh. "I don't have to remind you of what he's done to you, what he's put you through. I haven't seen you smile or heard you laugh--really laugh--in months. You have grounds for a divorce, Usagi. Multiple, in fact."

"Rei-chan," Usagi said firmly, a sign that she was not going to let Rei persuade her into rushing into things like she usually did, "I need more time. I mean, there's no arguing that filing for a divorce would be the logical thing to do, but.. but.."

"But _what_, Usagi?" Rei asked, nostrils flaring with impatience.

"But I still hate him."

Her friend was clearly confused. "I thought that was the point."

"You can't have such strong negative emotions toward someone if somewhere, in some very tiny way, the opposite emotions exist. You can't hate someone if you didn't care so much."

"So what? So you stay with him because you hate him, then?"

Usagi shook her head. Her friend was getting it all wrong. "I just want to think about it some more. I'm about to lose my _home_." She shook her head of thoughts of the house, the only haven she had outside of her restaurant. "I can't just make rash decisions after all this."

Rei was quiet. Then she mumbled, "Sorry."

The blonde smiled at Rei's fiery spirit. Truly, she wasn't lacking in the best-friends-who'd-kill-for-you department. "Thank you for thinking of me." It was what she needed most.

Rei dismissed the comment as if she were almost insulted. That cleared the air for a different topic. "How is Motoki-san?"

She had no idea how Rei knew, but she figured that wasn't important at that point. "I called him earlier. Reika-san left this morning to visit her mother."

"How long is this supposed visit?"

"A few weeks. A month at most. Enough time for Motoki to figure out how to separate everything between them fairly."

"Fairly? That's unfair."

"Rei-chan," Usagi shook her head, "Reika-san's pregnant."

"That doesn't change the fact that she's a whore."

Usagi huffed, but a second later her mouth split into a smile. A second more and laughter erupted from her.

Rei looked at her, shocked. "She laughs," she murmured, mesmerized.

"You.. are.. h-horrible," Usagi said between laughs.

Her raven-haired friend crossed her arms and harrumphed. "Well I never claimed to be anything else."

When Usagi finally sobered she met Rei's glare with amusement. "I'll give Motoki-chan your card."

From that day on, Usagi had gone into work with a genuinely decent smile splayed across her lips that her customers familiarized with and a vocalized hunger for food Makoto was only too happy to respond to. Granted, she wasn't stuffing her face, but she was at least eating.

At the end of that week, she'd mustered enough courage to take a few boxes over to the house. Although she was prepared to face Mamoru if he was home, she was undeniably relieved to see his car wasn't in the garage. Rei helped her pack her everything she owned--clothes, shoes, makeup, files, her laptop, everything--since her arm was still out of commission.

The last box was packed into Usagi's car. Rei came back to a shaken blonde standing by the front door, taking the house key off her chain and setting it by the cell phone Mamoru had bought her. Simple possessions lying on a countertop.

Usagi didn't bother telling Rei she wasn't interrupting anything. She was more unsettled about packing up and leaving than she expected. This had been her home for _years_. She cooked in their high-tech kitchen, did the laundry with their extreme-capacity washer and dryer, and their room.. that was the hardest to walk away from. All the work, all the redecorating she had done to make this her home.. hers and Mamoru's..

"That it?" Rei asked, worried she may have broken into her thoughts too soon.

She tipped her head to her friend. "One last thing," she answered and raised her good arm. The bracelet Mamoru bought as an anniversary present was still hanging from her wrist. She hadn't been able to take it off herself and had forgotten to ask all others if they could. "Would you mind..?"

Rei unclasped it, releasing her from its stubborn hold, and gave it to her. She held it in her hand, just staring. The blue moonstones were beautiful. They dazzled with maybe's. Maybe if she and Mamoru had talked about their issues instead of isolating themselves over work.. Maybe if Mamoru had told her about the other women first.. Maybe if Usagi had confronted him sooner..

She placed the bracelet down next to the house key. There was no room left for maybe's in her life. She had to make do with the certainty of what already was. The kitchen hadn't been properly stocked or used since Usagi had swamped herself in her work, unless she counted the amount of takeout boxes in the fridge. The laundry room provided no comfort as she wound up cleaning Mamoru's dirty-sex clothes. And if she had to think about if Mamoru had ever taken one of those women to their room..

No, this house contained bad memories that tainted all good things she'd loved about it. Including him. She couldn't bring herself to think of the place the same, before his mistresses and lies. With more finality than she thought she could bear, she turned and left.

* * *

Two weeks later, Usagi still hadn't heard from him. She should've been relieved that he was leaving her alone, giving her space. Of course she wound up analyzing what thought process he was using, what he thought he was accomplishing by giving her said space, followed by a clenching in her chest she didn't understand. Mamoru was disappearing from her radar without so much as a struggle. She didn't know if that was a good or bad sign. Something like this shouldn't be that easy. Moving on with her own life shouldn't have been that easy. Still, as time progressed she was finding out that it was.

"You don't think you're being a little harsh on him..?"

Usagi could've pierced Kiyoshi twelve hundred times with her eyes, had they been loaded with super-laser ammunition. She stabbed a piece of his salad, part of the lunch she'd decided to bring to him at the hospital on a whim, instead. Popping it into her mouth, she chewed and kept her narrowed eyes on him. She was using that time to come up with something other than the overload of expletives she wanted to use when talking about her choice of action regarding her husband.

"Kiyoshi," she said, swallowing the last of the salad, "Are you trying to bait my conscience?"

"Well," he said, smiling sheepishly, "I have to play devil's advocate for Chiba-san--"

"You don't have to do anything of the sort!"

"--since he's been MIA at the hospital."

"What do you mean?" Usagi burst.

Kiyoshi gave a sigh of long-suffering. "Woman, I rarely talk. You should be glad I do with you."

"Self-flattery does not become you--"

"Just like interruptive becomes you."

She crossed her arms and arched her brow, silently asking, "And what did you just do?" Aloud, she asked, "Are you going to tell me?"

"As long as I don't get interrupted again--"

"Kiyoshi!"

"See?" He grinned at her reaction but went on seriously. "Our illustrious chief neurosurgeon decided not to come in about three weeks ago. Put every other neurosurgeon through a tizzy, what with the load of patients he had rivaling their own. After a lot of cancelling and rescheduling, they had the problem contained."

"He.. didn't show up?" Usagi said, still not over that part.

"A few days later he sent a memo, apologizing for his behavior and let one of the senior colleagues temporarily take over in his stead."

Usagi had been frowning at "apologizing for his behavior". "And he hasn't come back since?"

"No. Whatever that emergency is.." Kiyoshi trailed, giving her a knowing look.

Usagi grunted. "He's not so MIA if he's been in contact with his colleagues, you know."

"But you were curious enough to want to know, anyway."

"I _am_ married to the man." Usagi rolled her eyes. "What is your point, Kiyoshi?"

"Don't have one," he confessed, looking at his salad. "Just wanted you to see if and how much you still cared for him."

She stilled. "I thought you were a radiologist," she said, trying not to sound irritated.

"That's just a cover." A sarcastic comeback. "So you do still care?"

"Well I don't want to find him dead in a ditch somewhere."

"That's.. touching."

"I would rather he live and suffer properly."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You're not going to try and find him?"

Usagi shrugged. "It's not really in my best interest to."

"Usagi," Kiyoshi said, as if saying her name would undo the effects of a spell on her, "You won't get any closure from his silence."

She looked down at her hands at the worst time. As soon as she did her wedding ring caught her eye. She'd forgotten to leave it at the house the day she moved out. She didn't even think of it most times, just slipped it on and off when necessary. Keeping it on was a habit she'd stopped noticing. After all, it symbolized a few very important promises Mamoru failed to uphold the day he officially put it on her finger.

And she thought being stuck with the bracelet on was bad..

She studied it sadly. "I promised myself, Kiyoshi. I won't waste any more time on Mamoru-san. I won't wait for him like I did all those nights, and I absolutely refuse to chase after him."

He nodded, understanding. "Let's hope he can do one thing right by you and face you now."

Usagi gave him a small smile. "You know, you're right. I am actually glad to be able to talk with you." Before he could answer with something smug, she added, "But don't let it get to your head."

* * *

Usagi closed the door to Kiyoshi's office behind her and turned, and realized station nurses were staring in her direction. She almost laughed. They'd probably have three different stories to spread around by the time the second-shifters came in.

Suddenly, the nurses averted their gazes to a spot right behind her. She turned again and caught a bit of blue hair. Her. Mizuno Ami. She was walking her way.

Usagi's legs sprung to life, taking her away from the doctor at a pleasant pace. She was closing in on the end of the hall. Before she could round the corner, however, she heard that voice call out, "Chiba-san." She stopped, wishing she hadn't heard, but she did. Which meant she had to face this woman.

"Doctor."

"I.. I don't know how to start this." Bravely, she lifted her chin and met Usagi's eyes. "I'm transferring to a specialized hospital in Germany, but I wanted to tell you before I left.. that.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you."

Usagi folded her arms across her chest. "No, you're not."

"Mamoru-san crossed us both," Ami continued to argue. "He betrayed you, he used me. It's true that I shouldn't have given in, but I regret ever believing a word he said to me. I shouldn't have let his weakness become mine. It cost you and I truly am very sorry."

Usagi stared at her incredulously. "You self-victimizing whore."

Ami reeled back and turned her head, catching all the people that were starting to watch.

"You were probably thinking you wanted to leave Tokyo with absolution, with a clear conscience. That's not going to fucking happen. You had sex with my husband--"

"Chiba-san--"

"--_I'm talking_," Usagi snapped, never taking her eyes off of Ami. The same thing could not be said for the doctor. Ami's eyes were flitting back and forth, nervous about the on-lookers. Usagi just sneered. "Why are you embarrassed? You had no shame in getting physically involved with a married man. That was your first mistake. The second was thinking I was a good enough person to have compassion for your pitiful sob story." She took a step forward, a move that intimidated the bluenette. "I won't forgive you, Doctor, and I don't care what you're going through. You don't get cut any slack for being the other woman."

"Are you going to believe his word over mine?" Ami squeaked in disbelief.

"I believe what I can see for myself," she spat. "And I see you, Mizuno-san. I saw the way you pined for Mamoru-san's affection, just as clearly as I see your hatred for me now. You hate me for being the woman he loves even as he fucked you on his office desk." She had to pause and remember to breathe, because the words that were spilling forth from her mouth had taken control. "But don't you know? You'll never be me. Because I would never fuck a married man in his office; I would never call him at the house he shared with his wife; I would never have the audacity to pretend like I wasn't a willing participant in an affair. I will never be a slut like you."

If Ami's eyes hadn't glittered with anger over the truth, Usagi might have felt bad. But Ami couldn't argue, because everything she'd said was true. And if the bitch thought she could say something to Usagi anyway, she'd have no qualms about putting her in her place.

Ami's jaw was clenched tightly, her mouth pursed as if she had tasted something bitter. She chose her words carefully--heaven forbid the people around them hear something terrible come out of her mouth. "It's unfortunate things had to end this way."

Usagi snorted. "Yeah, well if I'd had my way you'd have a surgical instrument shoved up your ass." Figuring there was nothing left to say, she turned away from a stunned Ami and rounded the corner that would've saved her from that horrible conversation if only she'd been six steps closer.

As she walked out of the hospital, she picked her cell phone out of her purse and dialed a number.

"Rei-chan? Go ahead with the petition."

* * *

Usagi sat in her car outside of the Black Rose. She was very still, though her mind was operating at lightning speed. She'd realized, on the way back, that the anger she thought would fuel her all the way back to the restaurant wasn't there. After speaking with Ami, her blood pressure should've been skyrocketing. Instead, she was as calm as a rock. Maybe it was because she finally had her say, she didn't hold back. The pent up thoughts were allowed to flow out of her for three minutes of unadulterated--mind the pun--truth. Now if only she was motivated enough to find out where Kaiou Michiru lived..

She smiled wanly to herself. She wasn't a vindictive bitch, no matter that she said some crude things to Ami earlier at the hospital. She wasn't going to hunt Mamoru's mistresses down over problems that originated between her and him. No, the phone call she'd made to Rei sucked all thoughts of revenge out of her. She didn't need to play the crazed, outraged wife now that the veil of a working marriage had been cast to the wind. She'd been carrying on with betrayal and anger close to her heart for so long, it was good to finally drain herself of it. It wouldn't take Rei too long to draw up the divorce petition. She'd sign it, and if Mamoru was still holed up somewhere, she'd just hire a server.

The mention of servers brought her back to the present. She got out of her car and started walking, reminding herself of all the things she had to do once she got into the office. She had to draw up next week's schedule, enter the hours her employees had worked over the previous week into payroll, pay the insurance bill--she paused, opening the door for leaving customers and then walked inside--fire one of the lazier hostesses, beg Makoto to check inventory--

"I'm sorry.. not really.. but Usagi-san's not here."

"Do you know where she went?"

Usagi's attention snapped toward the kitchen door, where Yuuichirou was, as usual, standing there, blocking attempts at both entry and exit because he was talking. Her gaze turned to who he was talking to, her baby blues slamming into all-too-familiar midnight blue ones.

They stood there, staring at each other, Yuuichirou, the whole damn restaurant, forgotten. She gave him a onceover. Six-day scruff on his face. Bags under his eyes. Unkempt clothes. She decided all of it didn't matter, nothing did save for those vibrant, intense eyes.

He didn't muster a smile, not even a bodily gesture to reveal what he was thinking as she came within talking distance. Just waited for her to come nearer, which she mechanically did.

"May I speak with you?" His eyes never left hers.

"Okay."

* * *

**End Part Twelve.**

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( August 29th. Be ready. )


	14. part thirteen

**Title:** Tears Under My Pillow  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating:** T, but I drop the "F" bomb a lot in this one  
**Full Description:** Typical story about cheating. Chiba Mamoru and Usagi are envied by every one of their friends for what looks like a match made in heaven. Little do they know that behind their blissful marriage is a disloyal husband and a bitter wife, one who's decided she's had enough.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

**I would like to thank: **SmTwilight, svgurl410, rosebudjamie, kyil, SkylerKnight, Kana07, Serenity Komoshiro, neo dreamer, starangel07, raye85, serenity11287, PhantasyDreamer, Jingy5, MoonPrincess568, kireisnowtenshi, Krys7, Heraldo, Domyouji Love, Leni, Moonlight Usagi-chan, supersaiyanx, midnight blue08, Drianax, kittyqueen2, ironchefslady, Adent Ly, Glazya Yuy, RoyalLovers1418, jean, Peaceful Moon, LauraDrazen, TinGirl314, SolarWinds, silvermoon8573, SilverMyst, Spriteofice, rainbabie, irishlady18, GJMEGA, tonieboo0013, Princesakarlita411, sarahr85 and a.k.a ettie for the support and everyone else who reviewed and had to put up with my ADD replies! And thank you to all of those who added me on your Alert or Favorite lists. Knowing that that many people were curious enough to keep reading made me trudge on with this.

**Author's Notes: **Exactly one year ago I began writing this fic. I have no idea what kind of mood I was in, or what compelled me to write what I did, but I'm thankful that this has given me a chance to develop as a writer and hear (see, actually, if we're going to get technical here) from a lot of my readers. I could "blah, blah, blah" forever, but I just wanted to let everyone know that yes, this is the last chapter. For the sake of those who wanted more Mamoru POV, I hope this suffices. All I can ask now is for anyone to let me know if you'd like to read a sequel to this.

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**Part Thirteen****. Good Heart.**

* * *

Usagi could've hit herself over the head, if she didn't think she'd already been concussed enough to let Mamoru into her office. What was she thinking? She didn't send him on his merry little way, refusing to talk to him like a reasonable woman would've done. No, she invited him to step back into her sanctuary, the one place that hadn't been blackened by the things that had happened between them. She tried not to look unsettled as he closed the door behind him and took a seat on her leather couch, but.. _'Seriously.. Disconcerting.'_

As jumbled up as she felt inside, she knew that they had to have this conversation. It was the one where she told him that she caved and called Rei. That no matter what was said today, he was her soon-to-be-ex-husband.

Mamoru was surprised that he was actually sitting in Usagi's office. He wasn't foolish enough to think she'd welcome the sight of him with open arms--especially given the fact that he probably looked shabbier than overused carpet. Neither was he thinking she'd put herself within arm's distance to him. She proved him wrong when she responded civilly to his request to speak to her, then led him here. He'd only been there twice, and neither of those times did he stay for long. The first time was when he'd come to whisk her away for a romantic evening at the beach. No special occasion, no other reason than the fact that he was so deeply in love with her and wanted to see the sun set on her face. The second time he was in her office was to drag her home because she'd spent a full twelve hours there, dealing with the water softener breaking just before her shift was almost done and then having to fill out all the paperwork. This was when he started sleeping with Reika.

He shook his head of the thought of Motoki's wife--his greatest mistake to date--and looked up at his own. She looked great. She didn't have bags _under_ her eyes like him. Clearly, she wasn't losing sleep over their last conversation. His eyes kept roaming over her. Shiny golden hair, that natural flush of hers and a slimmer body that reminded him of when they first met. Granted, she was on the gangly side back then. Now, she possessed a dancer's body that had been enhance by womanly curves. That's when he noticed the arm she'd fractured was no longer on a sling.

"How's your arm?" he asked. _'Inane much?' _There were so many other questions he wanted to ask, but he couldn't muster enough courage to ask. _'What's wrong with you? Scared?' _At the heels of that thought came another. _'..Hell yeah.' _Of course he was scared. He didn't want to be the one bringing everything up. He didn't want to hurt her by talking about their floundering marriage and, consequently, his affairs.

She lifted her arm and shrugged with a nonchalance he didn't want to believe. "Better."

He met her eyes. The secret activity that was going on in her mind were sparkling like fireworks in those blue orbs. He had to wonder, then, if she was just talking about her arm or if she also meant her heart. Not looking away, he said, "Good."

For twenty seconds he struggled to find something else to say, but she saved him by saying, "So you haven't been to work in a while, huh?"

He shook his head. He couldn't bring himself to go back. He hadn't been ready. He still wasn't. His mind backtracked to three weeks ago and suddenly he was in his car again, pulling out of Motoki and Reika's house and making his way out to the highway.

He drove ninety-four miles, tired, spent, silent. He'd gone through every emotion known to human civilization, partially due to sleep-depravation and the fact that his tuxedo had been giving him itches in the most uncomfortable places since he'd been at his best friend's place. It was only when he was running low on gas the second time that he decided he couldn't bear to stop at another gas station lest he come into human contact. He took the next exit, checked himself into the first hotel he saw and tried to sleep the hunger and loneliness away.

Hours spent watching the red numbers of the digital clock on the nightstand change proved he couldn't sleep, not when he kept thinking about what he'd lost. Usagi. Motoki. Everything else in his life didn't seem to matter. He couldn't fathom a life without either of them in it. All because he was weak and selfish.

It was then that he finally admitted that he'd done this to himself. He'd lost Usagi because he chose not to go to her when he needed her anymore. He distanced himself from her, didn't bother to talk about things that were on his mind. Secrets were no longer shared between them; he held them against her. The worse he started to feel, the more he indulged in other women. And for so long he didn't have it in him to tell her, to confess and to end his affairs sooner. Suddenly, the tables had turned. He no longer felt like she was turning her back on him, he was practically abandoning her.

He mulled over Usagi's heated words and realized how true they were. He was selfish. He depended so much on her to be his inner strength, and he took her for granted. That she gave up work to support him when they married. She didn't even dance anymore, not until recently. And when she'd expressed the want to pick up dancing again--do something that was completely for herself--he threw a fit. Yes, he'd admit he was a full-blown ass. He took things that made her happy away from her and treated her like shit.

She wasn't the only one who he took for granted, though. His best friend, the very man who'd introduced him to his beautiful wife, had also been at the short end of the stick. Motoki was, from the beginning, the perfect best friend. As his former roommate, he'd kept the apartment stocked with coffee and made sure to keep quiet when he knew Mamoru had a big exam the next day. Motoki was loyal, understanding and supportive, always trying to work dinner dates in according to Mamoru's schedule. And what did he do? Slept with his wife, a woman he idolized and treasured with all his heart.

Usagi and Motoki were good people. They didn't deserve what he did to them. He was pretty sure that Motoki would never speak to him again and Usagi.. well, she surprised him this time, but he wasn't sure how much longer she could take his presence.

"How was the vacation?" she asked, mild curiosity on her face.

_'It was hell.' _He didn't sleep for two days while at that hotel. When he finally found a way to close his eyes and sleep, he had haunting dreams of Usagi's tear-streaked face. A face she wouldn't allow him to see. After he checked out of the hotel, he didn't go back home. The wounds were still too fresh. So he drove. He drove for nine days, wandering around aimlessly, stopping only to eat and buy spare clothes from the supermarket. On the tenth day, he passed by a familiar cemetery and walked to a grave with "Tsukino Kenji" on the tombstone.

At first, he didn't know what the hell he was doing, why he would go there when he was obviously perturbed. Usagi's father hated him. "You were right," he'd said. "You were right about me. I was full of shit. I promised Usagi I would take care of her, that she would be the only woman in my life. Maybe you knew it from the start." He glared at the name scraped in stone. "But I love her. I want to be with her. God knows how I can ever get her to see that. But even if I fail, even if I lose her, she'll know how much I love her and how much I need her love." Nine days later, he'd finally made it back into the city. He didn't bother stopping home first; he was consumed by the need to see Usagi, to keep his promise to her deceased father. That's how he'd wound up there.

But was he supposed to tell her all that? Last time he tried to pour his heart and soul out to her, she responded so coolly to his strangled cry with an "I don't care."

"It was okay," he murmured, just as mildly.

"The house must be a mess then."

He flinched. _'The house. Not our house. Not our home.' _"Actually," he said, glad that he'd found his intelligence again, "I haven't been home yet." _'Did she go back to trash the place or something?"_

Her reaction was to raise her eyebrows. Something crossed her features, and then she seemed.. nervous. She brought her hand to the back of her neck, trying to massage the tension away. And then he saw it..

"Where's," he said and paused, trying to calm his racing heart and grind the rest of the words out, "your ring?"

He caught a glimpse of momentary guilt mar her face, quickly erased with grim sadness. _'Calm down, calm down, Mamoru. There's a reason for this. She might have taken it off before she did inventory. Or it could be at the cleaner's.'_ He'd come up with eight possibilities during her silence.

"I," Usagi started, pausing to look at her hand, too, "I took it off."

_'Took it off?' _He stared in horror at her blank face. _'That's it? No emergency? It's not getting cleaned? Nothing?' _He was trying to search for an answer in her words, any kind of way to explain why she wasn't wearing her wedding band. He couldn't understand the simplicity of her response. Couldn't take "I took it off" for its face value.

"I should've told you first," she said, her eyes taking on a strange glint. Was that sympathy surfacing from all that pain? She took a deep breath. "What I said.. Three weeks ago.. I was serious, Mamoru-san. I can't stay in this marriage."

He was anticipating those words to come out of her mouth, anticipated the pain he was going to feel, but hearing her actually say them hurt.

She continued to plow through her speech. "While you were gone, I went back to the house and moved my things out. I only took what was mine; everything you bought for me, I left there."

The news hit him like a sledgehammer to the forehead. _'WHAT?!' _He forced himself to stay still while his mind ricocheted from thought to thought.

It was like she didn't want to give him time to think about what she was saying, because she added, "And today.. Today, I asked Rei-chan to start working on a divorce petition."

If there was any room left for surprise, it had been swept away by that announcement. Mamoru felt like he'd just been thrown into a pit of scalpels. Every nerve, every muscle was burning. He thought he was going to scream. _'She's already gone. She just wants me out of her life, as soon as she can make that possible.'_ Never in his wildest imagination would he have pictured her doing this, essentially ripping his heart out. And she didn't seem to care.

She stared at him. "Are you going to say anything?"

He swallowed thickly. He couldn't form any words, not until Usagi's pinched face made him nauseous enough to blurt, "What can I say? You didn't bother talking to me about moving out. You even asked Rei-san to.. _What the hell would you have me say_?" And just like that, his voice broke and he slumped back, shattered. He couldn't hold the tears in, the tears he'd been fighting since Usagi said it was over. The only thing he could do is hide his face with his hands so that she wouldn't see him like this.

_'It's over.. It's over.. She wants us to be over..'_

"How can you just stop loving me?" he asked helplessly into his hands, "How can you give up? You hate me.. you hate me this much?" All of his practiced words, his confessions and apologies--he wasn't prepared for heart aching despair.

"I don't hate--"

He shot up. "You do," he said. He watched her eyes stay the same--lifeless--before bending his head once more. "I love you, but you want to hurt me--punish me, for loving you."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "You don't hurt someone you love." He took a breath to argue that point, because he'd learned that the only people that could hurt him were the ones that he loved and that loved him, but she cut him off. "Continuously. On purpose. You don't choose to hurt someone like that, Mamoru-san."

He wiped at his face. "I hurt you," he concluded.

"Exactly."

His jaw clenched as he realized what she was trying to say about him. He looked up again, glaring at her. "Do you think--can you actually let yourself believe--that I _never_ loved you?" God, what he had done to her!

She hesitated, making his heart clench. "I don't know anymore."

"I wouldn't be here, arguing with you if I've never, if I don't, love you. I wouldn't be here trying to save our marriage."

The look she gave him was at best skeptical. "Don't you think it's a little too late for last-minute epiphanies?"

"I didn't think that three weeks was all it would take for you to try and wipe me out of your life!"

Usagi crossed her arms, indignant. "You honestly didn't see this coming? Did you think that saying sorry was going to be our saving grace? Sorry can't move mountains, Mamoru-san. And I don't have enough energy, I don't have enough hope in us, to try to make things work."

The sight of her got blurry as more tears came to his eyes. He wanted to defend himself, but he didn't want to yell at her anymore. She didn't deserve to be yelled at, and he couldn't bring himself to hurt her by telling her how wrong he thought she was about them. So he did the next best thing and buried his head.

_'This is a nightmare. This can't be real. It can't be.'_

He didn't know how long he stayed that way, shaking like a drug addict in heavy withdrawal, but soon he felt his metaphorical drug wrapping her arms around him. Holding him.

"Look," she said, strangely gentle, "I don't want to fight about this, Mamoru-san. You were gone for three weeks. I had to do something. I've done enough waiting to last a lifetime. And frankly, I'm sick of waiting. I can't stand on the sidelines, holding out for you until you come to your senses."

He stopped sobbing, trying not to look so pathetic in front of his wife--or soon-to-be-ex-wife.

"If," he said, sniffing, "if I'd stayed, would you.. would you..?" He looked up at her expectantly, hoping she would know what he meant to ask. _'Would I have been able to win you back in three weeks?'_

"I wouldn't have done anything differently," Usagi said, her eyes conflicted, sincere. "You've always run away. Not even that, you turned away from me. Me. Your wife. I was supposed to be the person you ran to, yet every time you ran from something that you couldn't handle, it was into someone else's arms. That says a lot. That meant a lot to me."

All of the past tense talk was getting to Mamoru's head. His head was spinning from the blows of Usagi's actions while he was gone, rediscovering the love and devotion he had for her. He wanted to tell her, convince her that he was worth another shot. Worth the wait. But she'd already made up her mind about him. The selfish part of him wanted to keep struggling with her, see if maybe she would give in. But he'd done enough damage. He'd brought enough pain and suffering to their marriage.

A knock interrupted them, and Makoto's head appeared past the open door crack. "Usagi-chan, the Commissioner-General wanted to thank you personally for hosting his birthday party."

Mamoru heard her clear her throat before saying, "I'll be right there." To him she gave a very simple smile. "Take as much time as you need." Then she left.

He stared after her, reiterating those last seven words. Time to gather himself up? Time to muster enough strength to leave her office? He wasn't sure what she meant, and had absolutely no clue how to do either.

* * *

Usagi's "take as much time as you need" came to Mamoru's mind a month later when a situation came in the form of Hino Rei showing up at his doorstep. He stared at her intently, remembering the exchange Usagi and he had mere weeks prior to this visit.

She raised a perfectly arched brow, looking as intimidating as the lawyer she was. "Expecting someone else?"

He didn't bother to deny it. "Yes."

"It's better this way." She stepped inside, handing him the papers at the same time.

Mamoru swallowed hard as he closed the door after her and looked down at what she'd given him. This form was meant to separate him from his wife. He had known, after that fateful day, that nothing was going to stop this divorce petition being drawn and served to him. In the four weeks that had past he'd tried to call Usagi, hoping to beg and reason with her so she would change her mind, but she ignored all his calls. She went on with her life. Without him.

It sucked how the world didn't stop. How everyone, everything could carry on when his heart was aching with pain and loneliness. Despair. He was just supposed to go back to work, try and heal people, when he couldn't figure out a way to heal his soul.

He fought the instinct telling him to rip the contract into shreds and looked at Rei, who was unabashedly sizing him up. "How is she?"

"Better than you," she noted, then thought better of that statement. "Better."

"Good," he said, feeling a wash of déjà vu.

"Isn't it?" Rei taunted. She stepped back and took a look at the living room. "She smiles and laughs more. That darkness you put there is almost gone."

"Rei-san," he ground out, trying to check his patience, "You don't know me--"

"But I know what you've done to Usagi," she interrupted. "Actions speak louder than words, Mamoru-san. But you couldn't just leave it at that. You had to rub it in. She'd smell them on you.. She'd wash their perfume out of your clothes. I'd slap you if I thought it would make you feel worse."

"Then you know that I can't feel any worse," he said, wincing at how weak he'd shown her he was. It seemed he couldn't keep how weak he was bottled up. He didn't want to pretend he wasn't anymore. He ran a hand through his tangled hair and gave a defeated sigh. "I can't eat. I can't sleep."

"Now you know what it feels like," she said, arms akimbo. "Usagi went on like that for months. Months, Mamoru-san. I was the one who was there for her, who listened. What you're feeling now isn't even half of what she'd felt, what she carried inside."

Mamoru cringed, realizing Usagi's rapid weight loss was because of him. Her falling down the stairs was because of him. "What.. what did she say?"

Rei looked at him as though she didn't expect that question to come out of his mouth. Her own mouth in a thin line, she began. "There was a lot of crying. A lot of shock, like she couldn't believe this was happening to her. Like she was living someone else's life and couldn't wait to get back to her own. She always looked like she was physically crippled when everything was just on the inside."

A tear fell down his face, and Rei cleared her throat. Her next words were spoken in a shaky voice.

"She was in mourning. She was grieving over the love she had for you that was slowly dying. But she chose not to instantly walk away. You know why? She was thinking of your reputation. Even when you didn't deserve a second thought, she was thinking of you--stop crying!"

Mamoru couldn't help it. He was shaking with acute sorrow over what he'd done. No wonder she'd hardened from a happy-go-lucky woman in love to a cold stranger. No wonder she hated him so much. He hated himself!

He looked up at Rei and noticed that tears were glistening in her eyes as well. "You don't get to sympathize with Usagi. You put her through hell! Amoral bastard!"

"I know, I _know_!" he shouted. He ran a hand through his hair and stared at her. "It kills me to think that she kept silent for so long. That she knew and kept acting like she didn't." He lowered his head and shook it. "I can't take it back, Rei-san. I can't unhurt her. It kills to know this," he said, lfiting the papers in his hand, "is the only way I can help her now, by signing this damned contract saying I don't want to be in her life anymore."

"You have to let her go, Mamoru-san," Rei argued. "Usagi deserves to be happy."

No matter how much he wanted to resent her for saying that, he knew she was right. That's when he understood why Usagi told him to take as much time as he needed. She knew how hard it was going to be for him. To bring himself to sign away his marriage. He could only hope she really meant it, because he didn't know how long it would take.

* * *

Two months later, Mamoru stood in front of Usagi's apartment door, waiting for her to answer. When she did, she greeted him with expressionless eyes and a small smile. "Come in," she said, opening the door to him.

He stepped in and was startled to see how the place.. was alive with Usagi. The walls were decorated with her favorite Broadway posters. Her coffee table was covered with home crafts magazines. The shoe rack by the door was stocked full. He recognized two pairs of her old dancing shoes amongst the crazy-looking array.

Just everything.. was colorful, vibrant. Like the Usagi he'd met, known and loved. That she'd reverted back to that woman in his absence saddened him. _'I made her miserable.' _He felt so out of place, his suit ruining the carefree feel to the room, but he'd decided to stop by on impulse on his way home from work.

"I.." He had to clear his throat of an imaginary lump in his throat at looking at her for the first time in twelve weeks. "I brought the papers," he finally said, handing the folded pages over to her.

She took them, opening them in shock. He wondered if she noticed how worn the pages were from his indecision. More than a couple times a day he would unfold them, telling himself he would sign that time.. It wasn't until the week before that he'd actually done so. When he did, he stared at the contract for a long time, thinking how his decision was so wrong. Yet there he was, a week later, handing the divorce petition away. It--the suffering, the anguish--was for Usagi. For the woman he loved.

She looked up after verifying that he did, in fact, sign the petition. "Thank you," she said, the relief in her voice practically choking him.

Before he could lose his wit, he spoke. "I just want you to know.. I loved, and still love, you." The way her eyes sparked should've discouraged him, but he went on. "It was always you. No matter who else will take my place in your heart, your place in mine will always be there."

Usagi looked baffled. "You say that now, but one day, you might run into someone you'll lose your heart to. And--"

"I could never love anyone else the way I love you. And.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I broke your heart, ruined our marriage. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that I broke my wedding vows to you. Maybe someday I'll understand just how much my choices have cost you and I both."

Usagi was so close to tears. _'Damn it, that came out all wrong didn't it? I said something wrong. I'm such an ass.' _He recalled what Usagi had said to him the night she called him out on his affairs. She would never forgive him if he made her cry in front of him. "Sorry," he murmured, "I'll go."

He made it to the door, opening it, when he heard her call out, "Mamoru.."

He turned around, watching her, but she was careful not to let any stray emotions show. "I wish you all good things," she said.

It wasn't forgiveness. It wasn't a last-minute reprieve. It was letting go.

"Take care of yourself, Usagi," he replied before closing the door behind him.

No hugs. No tears. Only one wistful look, one that didn't say goodbye, but felt just as bittersweet.

* * *

**End Part Thirteen.**

* * *

( The end. )


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